RIP OC

In lieu of the fact that the Fox Network has decided to cancel The OC because of low ratings, and since it was my favorite show and should have been everyone else’s, I will be doing a series of posts to honor the show.

My first post in this series, which will also be a therapeutic endeavor for me, will rank the actors/actresses that were on the show. Let’s proceed with the rankings; they will go from worst to first, rankings precede the explanation.

189,234,345: Kaitlin Cooper version 1.0 played by Shailene Woodley. Let’s make the main female lead’s sister a two-bit hack of an actress and give her character absolutely no discernable characteristics that would have anyone give two shits about her except to can her from the show as fast as possible, which happened.

54,678: Oliver Trask played by Taylor Handley. The first season of The OC was going smoothly, ratings were great, everyone loved the characters and all of a sudden everyone went from normal teenagers to crazy people. Let’s see, I’m Marissa Cooper, I can get anyone I want, and all of a sudden I want to hang out with a short, ugly, maladjusted rich kid? This kid couldn’t hold a candle to a pizza deliver boy, let alone Ryan or Luke.

23,787: Volcheck played by Cam Gigandet. The character of Volcheck was likeable if you were into scumbag, tatted, and “rogue” wannabe thugs, which apparently Marissa Cooper was. Clearly her choice in men is not one for the record books. And yes I am writing this as though these characters are real life people.

18,756: DJ played by Nicholas Gonzalez. See a recurring theme here? At first I thought the character could work, but then I realized that the only funny part of this character was the jokes that Julie Cooper got to make such as “Let me guess – Tequila?”

9,078: Che played by Chris Pratt. Hippies don’t go well when the show is about spoiled, partying rich kids and their subsequent social interactions, period. Get out of here hippie.

5,067: Trey Atwood played by Logan Marshall-somethingorother hyphenated name. Not that the character of Ryan was all that good, but I guess they needed his brother to be even worse. He got shot, was in a coma, couldn’t get his life on track – a whole bunch of BS to fill a crappy season. Honestly, they should have introduced him once on the show and then gave him his own show on the CW network.

3,987: Theresa played by Navi Rawat. Did she or did she not have Ryan’s baby? Was that the real question or was it more like “Would they really ruin the show by having Ryan impregnate some girl that he dated in high school and was probably the first person he got to third base with?” Just my opinion.

2,756: Johnny Harper played by Ryan Donowho. Marissa Cooper’s connection with horrible characters continues with Surfer Johnny. Let’s review: He was going to be a professional surfer (and no one cared). He had a HUGE crush on Marissa (and no one cared). He got hit by a car (and I finally cared – I cheered). He fell off a cliff and died (Perfect).

17: Jimmy Cooper played by Tate Donovan. Huge potential in the beginning of the show being a troubled, but likeable guy. And then all of a sudden he disappears? Then he comes back and gets the crap kicked out of him? What the hell? They literally had something going and just tossed it to the curb and for what – to give more air time to one of Marissa’s hack love interests?

16. Lindsay Gardner played by Shannon Lucio. Had an ok part in the show, really didn’t bring anything all that great to the table. The storyline with her being Caleb’s out-of-wedlock child was a bit far-fetched, but not too bad. Honestly, I can’t put her any higher because she was in the made-for-TV movie “Spring Break Shark Attack”.

15. Ryan Atwood played by Benjamin McKenzie. This one pains me because he’s such a big part of the show. AND, at the beginning of the show he was perfect – beating the crap out of people, hitting on Marissa, feuding with Luke, having Summer interested in him (it was true, in the first show), boozing, etc. However, his attachment to Marissa killed any good that his character was which is disappointing. The show just should have taken my idea of bringing in Luke Perry AS Dylan McKay and having him be Ryan’s long lost uncle would have been perfect. I digress, what could have been.

14. Marissa Cooper played by Mischa Barton. I honestly wanted to put her behind her sister version 1.0, but I guess she can go here. She was great at the beginning of the show and turned into a nutjob that liked crazy guys and her character became so erratic that every other female character seemed to be 10 times more interesting. I honestly would write more about her, but I wish they had either 1) kept her character with the attitude she had at the beginning of the show or 2) killed her off halfway through the first season.

13. Haley Nichol played by Amanda Righetti. She was introduced, threw a party, hooked up with Jimmy and then got her own show. Done and done.

12. Alex Kelly played by Olivia Wilde. It is really too bad that they had to have Marissa have a lesbian relationship with her when it clearly was for sweeps when this character had a lot going on. If you are going to have a lesbian relationship, at least have it with another female character that isn’t a complete psycho, such as…

11. Anna Stern played by Samaire Armstrong. Great character, was from Pittsburgh, throws a monkey wrench into The OC, gets Seth to love her, feuds with Summer, and all in all does what she is supposed to do. Here is the problem: Why the hell did she leave the show? She was killing Marissa when it came to being important on the show, which is why I think she may have been shown the exit. And, randomly having her at Brown was something that I thought they would explore, but I guess not. Hopefully she will be at the reunion show.

10. Dean of Discipline played by Eric Mabius. Any character that refers to himself as “The Dean of Discipline” deserves a top 10 ranking.

9. Luke Ward played by Chris Carmack. Another incredible character. I’m going to pretend that when they turned him soft and made him go crazy after finding out his dad was gay just never really happened. He was the best villain, think about it. Water Polo? Check. A&F look? Check. Drove big truck? Check. AND, he uttered this line “Welcome to The OC, BITCH!”

8. Sandy Cohen played by Peter Gallagher. Great TV dad. Loved the cared-a-little-too-much about the malcontents aura he had. Did what he had to do. He is the equivalent of the glue guy on a sports team – won’t be in the hall of fame, but you need him for a championship.

7. Kirsten Cohen played by Kelly Rowan. Great TV mom. Loved that she didn’t like Ryan at first. Loved how she finally came around. They literally killed the character with the whole AA thing. Honestly, they should have kept her as a “play hard, work hard” type of mom – hosting functions and kicking ass.

6. Kaitlin Cooper version 2.0 played by Willa Holland. Great pickup for The OC and it is too bad she wasn’t there from day 1 because I think the show would have had a whole other ballgame going on. Her being the min-Julie was fantastic and just what the show was missing. The fact that they actually paraded around an actual 15 year old, instead of hiring a 20 year old to play her like normal, was kind of disturbing.

5. Summer Roberts played by Rachel Bilson. Absolutely, unequivocally the female star from day one when she 1) wanted Ryan and 2) was a huge bitch. She totally stole Marissa’s thunder and probably was drawn into the relationship with Seth a bit quick. Also, I never understood why they never had an instance where she reverted back to her initial feelings for Ryan. Could have been huge. Plus, the whole hippie thing at Brown was a waste.

4. Seth Cohen played by Adam Brody. Great character since they kept him geeky the whole time. Loved the interaction between him and Ryan at the beginning of the show. Hilarious that he named his boat after Summer and she thought he was a huge loser. Pretty much a solid character for the whole show, told the jokes, and eventually even somehow got Anna and Summer to like him at the same time without it feeling too forced. I’m guessing he will be the most successful post OC out of the main characters.

3. Julie Cooper played by Melinda Clarke. I already stated the Tequila joke. Her character was the essence of the show. They needed her to be the bitch and always conniving and looking out for herself. She cheated, lied, betrayed and people still loved her. Wasn’t a huge fan of her seducing Luke, thought that was a bit much, but all in all she was awesome.

2. Caleb Nichol played by Alan Dale. This is what I thought when they killed off his character, “I hope they have him faking his own death because they need him to keep this show going”. His snide remarks, Machiavellian tactics, and sordid history made him the catalyst to the show’s story lines.

Who, you say, could be number 1? Could it be Ryan’s Mom? Sandy’s crazy ex-gf that was a runaway? The woman who was Caleb’s long lost extramarital affair? Of course not….It is….

1.Taylor Townsend played by Autum Reeser. Great look, great character, perfect development and absolutely needed to be in the show from day 1. Do you need more proof that Marissa should never have been #1 besides the failing storylines, being outperformed by Summer, Anna, and essentially anyone else that was on the screen with her? Taylor Townsend is the proof. She hooked up with The Dean of Discipline, tried to create a mutiny against Marissa at Harbor High, and then tried to steal Seth from Summer. AND, when everything is said and done, she finally gets her claws into Ryan. She pulled off the terms “Emotional Terrorism” and “Sexual Jedi” without batting an eye.

So there you have it – 1,773 words devoted to The OC. More will surely follow since I still need to grieve.