sweetloft

iTunes at Work

2007-01-17T13:39:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if you all share music on your network with your co-workers via iTunes, but at my company we do.

I share my own music that includes such TV show theme songs as "The Gummi Bears", "Golden Girls", and "A-Team". I also have "Mmmbop" by Hanson and a few hip hop remixes and mashups.

However, you can only listen to your own music so frequently. So, here are my top 5 iTunes co-workers (with network iTunes names in quotes).

5. "Support Piracy!"

Number 1 source for hip hop music and comedy. Has enough 2pac and 50 to make you feel like a real gangsta. Also has Chris Rock, Dennis Leary, Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor and George Carlin if you want to pretend to work and actually laugh out loud. Also has Ozzie Osbourne, Nirvana and The Doors to keep the content mixed up.

Overall, "Support Piracy!" is my iTunes choice when I need a throwback to high school and remember what it was like to drink 40s in the woods with three feet of snow on the ground. Not sure how they relate, but it just does.

4. "Charles' Music Empire"

Largest collection of music which is always a plus with this user. Also has the widest range of music genres as well which is also a huge plus with me. There is a huge jazz selection, Earth, Wind and Fire, and Chaka Khan thrown in for good measure.

This is recommended for when you have absolutely no idea what you want to listen to, but you do NOT want to listen to people arguing about "what direction is best" or "why is the air conditioner on when it's 10 degrees outside".

3. "Chit my pants"

I would go into an extensive list of what is on this list, but here are the only three you need to know: Al Green's Greatest Hits, Marvin Gaye's Greatest Hits and Jackson 5's Greatest Hits.

Honestly - do you need anything else? If you do, then you can you tell me how it feels to be part of the Taliban?

2. "Melbity"

2 reasons for why I love this music list - 1) Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits. Honestly, she has written at least 150 songs that I never knew she had a part in. 2) The best music that I've never heard of before. Also has classical music for when I'm debating to just totally go in different direction and move to the Bahamas and become a bartender and marry someone who doesn't speak the same language as me.

1. "Jeshee"

Pound for pound the greatest bang for your buck. I can listen to almost any song on the whole list. Such artists as Tenacious D, Ella Fitzgerald, Fleetwood Mac, Sinatra, 50, Gnarls Barkley, G n R, Cash, The Kinks, Kravitz, a few songs from Les Mis, Outkast, The Police, Stones, Simon and Garfunkel, Spin Doctors (listened to that today), and U2.

Honestly, if I want to go back to middle school - BAM, I'm there with Spin Doctors. If I want a song that makes me teary-eyed for my lost youth, 10,000 Maniacs, "These are the days". Smokin' Grooves Tour Summer of 97 - Fugees.

That is my list. I probably should be getting back to work now. I think I'm going to have to put on a little best of Marvin Gaye to get through this day.

RIP OC

2007-01-04T17:15:00.000-05:00

In lieu of the fact that the Fox Network has decided to cancel The OC because of low ratings, and since it was my favorite show and should have been everyone else’s, I will be doing a series of posts to honor the show.

My first post in this series, which will also be a therapeutic endeavor for me, will rank the actors/actresses that were on the show. Let’s proceed with the rankings; they will go from worst to first, rankings precede the explanation.

189,234,345: Kaitlin Cooper version 1.0 played by Shailene Woodley. Let’s make the main female lead’s sister a two-bit hack of an actress and give her character absolutely no discernable characteristics that would have anyone give two shits about her except to can her from the show as fast as possible, which happened.

54,678: Oliver Trask played by Taylor Handley. The first season of The OC was going smoothly, ratings were great, everyone loved the characters and all of a sudden everyone went from normal teenagers to crazy people. Let’s see, I’m Marissa Cooper, I can get anyone I want, and all of a sudden I want to hang out with a short, ugly, maladjusted rich kid? This kid couldn’t hold a candle to a pizza deliver boy, let alone Ryan or Luke.

23,787: Volcheck played by Cam Gigandet. The character of Volcheck was likeable if you were into scumbag, tatted, and “rogue” wannabe thugs, which apparently Marissa Cooper was. Clearly her choice in men is not one for the record books. And yes I am writing this as though these characters are real life people.

18,756: DJ played by Nicholas Gonzalez. See a recurring theme here? At first I thought the character could work, but then I realized that the only funny part of this character was the jokes that Julie Cooper got to make such as “Let me guess – Tequila?”

9,078: Che played by Chris Pratt. Hippies don’t go well when the show is about spoiled, partying rich kids and their subsequent social interactions, period. Get out of here hippie.

5,067: Trey Atwood played by Logan Marshall-somethingorother hyphenated name. Not that the character of Ryan was all that good, but I guess they needed his brother to be even worse. He got shot, was in a coma, couldn’t get his life on track – a whole bunch of BS to fill a crappy season. Honestly, they should have introduced him once on the show and then gave him his own show on the CW network.

3,987: Theresa played by Navi Rawat. Did she or did she not have Ryan’s baby? Was that the real question or was it more like “Would they really ruin the show by having Ryan impregnate some girl that he dated in high school and was probably the first person he got to third base with?” Just my opinion.

2,756: Johnny Harper played by Ryan Donowho. Marissa Cooper’s connection with horrible characters continues with Surfer Johnny. Let’s review: He was going to be a professional surfer (and no one cared). He had a HUGE crush on Marissa (and no one cared). He got hit by a car (and I finally cared – I cheered). He fell off a cliff and died (Perfect).

17: Jimmy Cooper played by Tate Donovan. Huge potential in the beginning of the show being a troubled, but likeable guy. And then all of a sudden he disappears? Then he comes back and gets the crap kicked out of him? What the hell? They literally had something going and just tossed it to the curb and for what – to give more air time to one of Marissa’s hack love interests?

16. Lindsay Gardner played by Shannon Lucio. Had an ok part in the show, really didn’t bring anything all that great to the table. The storyline with her being Caleb’s out-of-wedlock child was a bit far-fetched, but not too bad. Honestly, I can’t put her any higher because she was in the made-for-TV movie “Spring Break Shark Attack”.

15. Ryan Atwood played by Benjamin McKenzie. This one pains me because he’s such a big part of the show. AND, at the beginning of the show he was perfect – beating the crap out of people, hitting on Marissa, feuding with Luke, having Summer interested in him (it was true, in the first show), boozing, etc. However, his attachment to Marissa killed any good that his character was which is disappointing. The show just should have taken my idea of bringing in Luke Perry AS Dylan McKay and having him be Ryan’s long lost uncle would have been perfect. I digress, what could have been.

14. Marissa Cooper played by Mischa Barton. I honestly wanted to put her behind her sister version 1.0, but I guess she can go here. She was great at the beginning of the show and turned into a nutjob that liked crazy guys and her character became so erratic that every other female character seemed to be 10 times more interesting. I honestly would write more about her, but I wish they had either 1) kept her character with the attitude she had at the beginning of the show or 2) killed her off halfway through the first season.

13. Haley Nichol played by Amanda Righetti. She was introduced, threw a party, hooked up with Jimmy and then got her own show. Done and done.

12. Alex Kelly played by Olivia Wilde. It is really too bad that they had to have Marissa have a lesbian relationship with her when it clearly was for sweeps when this character had a lot going on. If you are going to have a lesbian relationship, at least have it with another female character that isn’t a complete psycho, such as…

11. Anna Stern played by Samaire Armstrong. Great character, was from Pittsburgh, throws a monkey wrench into The OC, gets Seth to love her, feuds with Summer, and all in all does what she is supposed to do. Here is the problem: Why the hell did she leave the show? She was killing Marissa when it came to being important on the show, which is why I think she may have been shown the exit. And, randomly having her at Brown was something that I thought they would explore, but I guess not. Hopefully she will be at the reunion show.

10. Dean of Discipline played by Eric Mabius. Any character that refers to himself as “The Dean of Discipline” deserves a top 10 ranking.

9. Luke Ward played by Chris Carmack. Another incredible character. I’m going to pretend that when they turned him soft and made him go crazy after finding out his dad was gay just never really happened. He was the best villain, think about it. Water Polo? Check. A&F look? Check. Drove big truck? Check. AND, he uttered this line “Welcome to The OC, BITCH!”

8. Sandy Cohen played by Peter Gallagher. Great TV dad. Loved the cared-a-little-too-much about the malcontents aura he had. Did what he had to do. He is the equivalent of the glue guy on a sports team – won’t be in the hall of fame, but you need him for a championship.

7. Kirsten Cohen played by Kelly Rowan. Great TV mom. Loved that she didn’t like Ryan at first. Loved how she finally came around. They literally killed the character with the whole AA thing. Honestly, they should have kept her as a “play hard, work hard” type of mom – hosting functions and kicking ass.

6. Kaitlin Cooper version 2.0 played by Willa Holland. Great pickup for The OC and it is too bad she wasn’t there from day 1 because I think the show would have had a whole other ballgame going on. Her being the min-Julie was fantastic and just what the show was missing. The fact that they actually paraded around an actual 15 year old, instead of hiring a 20 year old to play her like normal, was kind of disturbing.

5. Summer Roberts played by Rachel Bilson. Absolutely, unequivocally the female star from day one when she 1) wanted Ryan and 2) was a huge bitch. She totally stole Marissa’s thunder and probably was drawn into the relationship with Seth a bit quick. Also, I never understood why they never had an instance where she reverted back to her initial feelings for Ryan. Could have been huge. Plus, the whole hippie thing at Brown was a waste.

4. Seth Cohen played by Adam Brody. Great character since they kept him geeky the whole time. Loved the interaction between him and Ryan at the beginning of the show. Hilarious that he named his boat after Summer and she thought he was a huge loser. Pretty much a solid character for the whole show, told the jokes, and eventually even somehow got Anna and Summer to like him at the same time without it feeling too forced. I’m guessing he will be the most successful post OC out of the main characters.

3. Julie Cooper played by Melinda Clarke. I already stated the Tequila joke. Her character was the essence of the show. They needed her to be the bitch and always conniving and looking out for herself. She cheated, lied, betrayed and people still loved her. Wasn’t a huge fan of her seducing Luke, thought that was a bit much, but all in all she was awesome.

2. Caleb Nichol played by Alan Dale. This is what I thought when they killed off his character, “I hope they have him faking his own death because they need him to keep this show going”. His snide remarks, Machiavellian tactics, and sordid history made him the catalyst to the show’s story lines.

Who, you say, could be number 1? Could it be Ryan’s Mom? Sandy’s crazy ex-gf that was a runaway? The woman who was Caleb’s long lost extramarital affair? Of course not….It is….

1.Taylor Townsend played by Autum Reeser. Great look, great character, perfect development and absolutely needed to be in the show from day 1. Do you need more proof that Marissa should never have been #1 besides the failing storylines, being outperformed by Summer, Anna, and essentially anyone else that was on the screen with her? Taylor Townsend is the proof. She hooked up with The Dean of Discipline, tried to create a mutiny against Marissa at Harbor High, and then tried to steal Seth from Summer. AND, when everything is said and done, she finally gets her claws into Ryan. She pulled off the terms “Emotional Terrorism” and “Sexual Jedi” without batting an eye.

So there you have it – 1,773 words devoted to The OC. More will surely follow since I still need to grieve.

RIP FHM

2006-12-13T13:57:00.000-05:00

FHM, the once spirited periodical for those who fall into the highly coveted "have penis, will fuck; loves beer, No Fear!" demographic, will cease to exist by the end of Q1 next year.

In it's glory, one could pick up an FHM from any street vendor and check out the beautiful, scantily-clad women that adorned its pages. While, let it be known, teaching you how to take a shot of vodka through orifices that you didn't even know you had.

I, for one, shall miss seeing the FHM magazines strewn about our fraternity floor; usually having been pissed or vomited on by some coed, in his or her moment of glory.

They were also good for such things as:

- Feeding to Charlie the Dog
- Hitting Nikita the Dog
- Pelting a drunk Richter from afar

I guess I'll just have to settle for the sophomoric and elementary Maxim and/or Stuff. I mean, I need to get my injection of Dude Juice somehow.

Once again, RIP FHM, you will be forever missed.

Scotty Blue's take on Melrose Place versus The OC

2006-03-26T20:25:00.000-05:00

My good friend Scotty Blue did a take on Melrose Place versus The OC in response to my 90210 versus The OC blog. Here is his take:

I know a while back you did a 90210 vs. The OC comparison on the blog. I'm curious why you left out Melrose Place. While all three shows are classics, I must say Melrose stacks up better than the Hills in my opinion for a few reasosns.

First, since all of the characters were out of college and in their mid-20s or older when the show began, they could have crazier plot lines, with no parents or school administrators to deal with.

Second, Heather Locklear carries the 'Alpha Female' role much better than either Jennie Garth or Mischa Barton, despite the fact that Barton is really hot. She has an excruciatingly annoying voice and I hate her character. I can never understand why Marissa can't find a way to be happy. It's not like she has a bad life.

Third, although The OC clearly has the best theme song, I think Melrose's music was way better than 90210.

Fourth, while both Melrose and The Hills stayed on the air too long, Melrose was only on for one season longer than it should have been. 90210 should have ended with Brandon and Kelly's marriage/the gang's graduation from college, yet stayed on for an additional three seasons.

I am now officially obsessed with MySpace

2006-02-18T14:33:00.000-05:00

One day, my friend Adrianne IMs me and says that I need to be her MySpace buddy. Now, I'm on Friendster and Facebook already, so I didn't really think that I needed to have one more web community commitment. However, I had apparently set up an account a long time ago and never did anything with it.

So, I dabbled in myspace a bit, put up a pic, did some bare bones profile info. I invited a few people, invited a few more, and even a few more.

Now, I am officially addicted to myspace. Seriously, I can't get enough of it. I was wary of it at first however. It seems like creepy people have a lot avenues to get your info, try to meet you, etc. I'm worried enough and I'm a dude. Not many girls are that creepy. Crazy? Sure. But not creepy. I can't imagine being a girl and getting a message from "FChix69" or "dReAmBoaT Dave" being like, "Hey, loved the pic, you have any ones of you naked?". Seriously, it is real creepy.

Yet, the positives far outweigh negatives:

1 .You can do so much more with the "space" that the site gives you. NOW, this shouldn't mean you change the default template just to have something "different". I don't need to see a background with flashing colors that are in no way complimentary to each other. If you have a site skin like this, you really need to put up a warning so that people with epilepsy don't go into seizure.

2. I like being able to touch base with people that I was friends with from high school. Outside of this web community, I would rarely, if ever, be able to keep up to date with what is going on in their lives. Plus, anytime you can group together a bunch of Johnson City people, it is NEVER a bad thing. Good times.

3. It gives me a forum to be obnoxious and self-aggrandizing.

So, if you want to see my MySpace page, the link is: http://www.myspace.com/coolkidone

Don't be bashful, hit me up on MySpace.

Keira...Reese...Heaven is a real place!

2006-02-12T20:05:00.000-05:00

Seriously...I know I never put Reese in my top 5, but that is because she is the only woman in my Hall of Fame. And, Keira is presently setting the consecutive weeks record as #1.

So, with that said, as I have been doubting the existence of God as of late because of Syracuse's wayward basketball performance...he hath come back with a vengeance to put Reese andKeira in the same Oscar category. Now, if Reese wins, God gets an A++ in my book from me.

So, with that said. My revised top 5:

5. Natalie Portman
4. Jen Aniston
3. Rachel McAdams
2. Autumn Reeser
1. Keira Knightley

HoF: Reese Witherspoon

Tired of deciding who has to take responsibility for your ridiculous friends' antics? Try the friend draft!

2006-02-12T19:45:00.000-05:00

So a few weeks ago, Nate, Doug, and I were sitting at a bar in NYC and decided to play a game that Nate thought up - The Friend Draft.

We put 90 names on a list and did a snake draft (Nate went first, Doug went second, I went third, I went fourth, Doug went fifth, and Nate went sixth, etc). Now, the catch was that whoever you draft, you are then responsible for them -- good or bad.

For example if you drafted Friend A and said person gets drunk, tries to cyber with random girls via IM, and gets caught doing this all the time, then you have to still admit that is your friend. Now, if a friend invents the cure for cancer, you get to reap all the benefits.

One more item to note, it was assumed that each of us were already on our own teams.

So, I am not going to post the final lists...yet. But just some overall comments:

Nate's team can best be described as high risk, high reward. Nate, as always, is not one to stand on the sidelines. He chose our friend Tyler #1 overall; this is the same Tyler who recently broke both wrists scaling a fence outside a bar dressed as The Flash for Halloween.

Doug's team is solid. One of the biggest questions is if Ethan can hold up the burden by being a high draft pick. This is the same Ethan who once was beaten up by a girl, in Walnut Park.

My team is off the charts. Obviously I am biased, but two groups really make up my team: People from upstate NY and people were on Day 6 my frosh year. Honestly, you can't really go wrong with either.

Eventually, I will release more and more info from the draft...Let's just say there have been some heated arguments stemming from this draft. Kudos to Nate for another great idea.

Here we go again...Revised Top 5.

2005-09-20T08:14:00.000-04:00

5. Autumn Reeser - New girl on The OC makes a blazing jump into the Top 5.

4. Maria Sharapova - I was rooting for her at the US Open and I think I may have fallen in love with her.

3. Mischa Barton - New Mischa looks ridicidoo. Bruce has been on this bandwagon from day one.

2. Jennifer Aniston - The person I sit next to at work has the Vanity Fair she was in.

1. Keira Knightley - Ms. Knightley's reign as #1 on my top 5 is one of the greatest reigns of my #1s of all time.

My Ebert and Roeper of The OC Season 3 so far...

2005-09-19T23:24:00.000-04:00

Ok, here are some thumbs up and down for The OC so far this season after two episodes...

Thumbs up: Marissa's look this year. I don't know, something about her. She looks like she isn't fasting any more. The new Marissa looks a lot better.

Thumbs down: No Caleb. I already miss the big guy.

Thumbs up: Evil Julie Cooper is much better than moderately bad Julie Cooper. Evil Julie Cooper is the best.

Thumbs down: Recycling an old story with Jimmy Cooper. How many times can Jimmy Cooper be in financial trouble? Come on, I like the character, but let's develop him a little bit.

Thumbs up: Ryan punching people.

Thumbs down:Ryan not punching enough people.

Thumbs up: Goodguy Sandy Cohen sticking up for Ryan and the family and taking it to Jimmy Cooper.

Thumbs down: Kirsten Cohen's never-ending saga in rehab for a made up alcohol problem.

Thumbs up: Taylor Townsend trying to steal all of Marissa's thunder. She is straight out of Mean Girls. I am a huge fan of one Ms. Autumn Reeser (her real name).

Thumbs down: Trey's exit to.........Vegas???? Um...are they trying to do a spinoff?

Thumbs up: The Dean of Discipline aka the in-the-closet gay athlete guy from Cruel Intentions.

Thumbs down: The weird new font for the opening credits. I know this is picky, but it bothers me.

That's all I got for right now. I'm liking the start of this season though.

What I think about...

2005-09-18T21:08:00.000-04:00

Things I've been thinking about...

- Demi Moore at one time in the past was listed on imdb.com as a guest star on "The OC" which would be fantastic. I believe she would be either Summer's step-mom or real mom. Either way, taht would be unbelievable.

- If you are going to shoot Suge Knight, shouldn't you better be damn sure you kill him? Seriously, what do you think that guy is doing now? My guess is that he is either hiding in a bunker that he built that is hundreds of feet below ground or he has changed his name and moved to a very very foreign country. Either way, I'm guessing he's never going to get a good night's sleep for the rest of his life.

- I have quite the affinity for Chicken Lo Mein these past few weeks. I don't know why.

- Football season has started which means that if I have made any plans with you they are not definite and are always up for change based on the way Syracuse and the Giants are doing. This is non-negotiable. If they both lose in one weekend, all bets are off to my psychological well being.

- I am not looking forward to taking the air conditioner out of my window. I know it won't take that long and it's not that big of a deal, but I really hate doing it. Anyone else?

- After being in the workforce for a little while now I can wholeheartedly say that I cannot believe that anyone in college bitches at all. Seriously, none of you have problems. None of you have real issues. Oh, you disagree? Oh I'm sorry, maybe we can discuss your feelings when you aren't pounding beers, playing strip poker, and hooking up with "that girl I met at the bar".

- If I'm not in a shuffleboard league by next summer, I'm going to be pissed. And real shuffleboard, not the bar shuffleboard. I'm talking retirement community/cruise ship shuffleboard.

Alright, just had to get that off my mind.

Weird things happen in elevators

2005-09-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

In my opinion, elevators are the closest thing to a real life psychological evaluation most people are ever going to get.

For example...

I got in the elevator to go up to the 11th floor of my building where I work. So, it's kind of crowded and I am in the back corner. Upon cramming in, this middle-aged woman is crammed in right next to me. So, unfortunately, almost every floor is lit up so I know it's going to be a long ride up to my floor. However, as fewer and fewer people are left on the elevator I notice that the lady next to me is not moving away from me. Now, I'm stuck in a corner and I can't really move too much. So, at about the 8th floor, literally there is ONLY ME AND THIS WOMAN in the elevator. And you know what -- she still hasn't moved. She is still right next to me. She hasn't moved at all. She is practically leaning on me. I really think if I had darted away she would have fallen over.

How creepy is this? Serisouly? It was early, so I wasn't totally with it. But good lord, this was absurd. How do you talk to someone in this position? "Excuse me ma'am, I know you have a crippling fear of elevators or have a very serious injury that has impaired your lateral movement, but if you wouldn't wind, could you please back the fuck up?"

Subway PDA -- Oh Hell No!

2005-09-11T23:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, I want to give you a reason why I haven't written in a while and here it is: I've been lazy and haven't kept the blog a priority.

So, I actually have a few almost written posts, so I should be able to get some up pretty soon.

Anyway, to my original point...If you are in a major metropolitan area where there is a subway system and it is usually pretty crowded, you know what it can be like. There is ample opportunity to people watch, read the advertisements, read a book, listen to music, and my favorite, judge people without knowing them at all...Ok, I made that last part up, well, not really.

Anyway, I was on the subway the other weekend, going into Manhattan, and I am perusing the clientle of the subway car I am in and something catches my eye. This something is a creepy hand placement between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Picture this, girl and guy are sitting next to each other, no big whoop. However, the guy puts his hand above knee height on the inside of the girls thigh and this was not to hold her hand. Seriously, I know this isn't an X-rated hand positioning, but it sure as heck seemed like it could be going there.

So I'm kinda creeped out at this point, but not totally, so I go back to reading the ads that are on the upper part of the subway. And, like a car accident, I can't take my eyes off this couple because the guy starts caressing the inside of his girlfriends thigh! Now, let me explain the situation a little more. One, if you think I am creepy for doing this, please try to not watch something as horrifying as this, you know you would too. Two, there were kids on the subway car. Three, this was during the day, it's not like they were drunk and coming home from a night out and were a wee bit frisky and were having trouble making it home. No no no, this was ridic subway snuggling. I can't even call it snuggling, this was unadulterated subway petting.

Now, here is where it gets even better. I realize I am not the only person that is appalled at what is transpiring. There are people doing the "I'm not going to look, ok, I'm going to look, oh god why did I look!" all over the place at this couple. The people sitting next to them look as if they somehow accidently were cast in a porno movie.

Now, at least 75% of the train is noticing this horrid display of affection and trying to block it out. I am not what you would call a religious man, but I was praying that what I was witnessing would go no further than it already had.

Well, I was wrong, but it could have been a lot worse. The guy starts BITING the girl's shoulder. And she is digging it. Hey, whatever gets your mojo going, good for you. Hey, if you are into exhibitionism, I mean, whatever. But this was getting out of hand. I was having serious issues trying to figure out how I would cleanse myself of this image once the couple bit the bullet and started going from heavy petting and uncomfortable touching to the next level.

However, by an act of God, the couple had to get off the subway. I, as were many of the other passengers, relieved beyond belief.

Revised Top 5 Women of Hollywood

2005-06-19T20:17:00.000-04:00

5. Olivia Wilde
4. Rachel McAdams
3. Rachel Bilson
2. Natalie Portman
1. Keira Knightley

Just had to update it.

How Jen Aniston can One Up Brad Pitt

2005-06-19T20:09:00.000-04:00

I've thought about this a lot. I have been a big Brad Pitt fan for a while, however, I will not forgive him for making the jump to Jolie in the manner he did. Anywho, there is one HUGE way that Aniston can get back at him and just totally win the whole war that is currently going on...

She goes to the next big award show with 50 Cent.

Yup, I said it. Think about it, she doesn't need to be "dating" him or in a relationship with him, if she just shows up with him at a highly-covered event, the tabloids would go absolutely bonkers. Think about it. The MTV VMAs are in late summer, 50 is nominated for a crapload of awards, his Bently stretch limo shows up at the VMAs, one of the later arrivals, and 50 gets out followed by Jennifer Aniston.

Could you possibly imagine the shock and awe that would rock the whole world if this happened? It is almost better that they keep the reason that they are attending together hush-hush. Let everyone speculate. Who cares.

Jen Aniston's street cred immediately goes through the roof. 50 is 50 and anything he does turns to platinum. They don't make out, but she hangs tightly to his arm.

Can you imagine this? How HUGE would it be? In my opinion, this absolutely needs to happen.

The one thing worse than missing a Booty Call

2005-06-19T19:58:00.000-04:00

Is there anything worse than missing a Booty Call? One of the worst feelings is missing a booty call, especially one that you had been expecting/hoping for. However, you know what is worse than just missing a Booty Call??? Calling back and not getting an answer.

Think about it, you are at a bar, it's loud, you don't always hear your phone ring or feel it vibrate. You miss the call, but you see that the Booty Caller didn't call that long ago. Now, you call back and the original booty caller does not pickup! What is your next move? Do you leave a voicemail? Do you follow with a text? Do you do both? Do you do neither?

Here is my resolution:

If the person that calls you leaves a message stating to call back - you absolutely have to call back and leave a message if they don't pick up. Also, in this scenario, it is ok to follow with a text. ANYTHING AFTER THAT IS TOO MUCH!

If the person calls you and does not leave a message you can call back but DO NOT leave a voicemail. However, because you did not leave a message, you can follow with a text. But keep it simple. Something like "Hey, I saw you called, sorry I missed it, give me a ring later if you want".

It must be noted, that if you get a Booty Text, you had best only text back. DO NOT CALL. If the level of Booty Correspondence is initiated at the text level, it must be followed with a text.

I understand that you are going to want to keep texting and calling, but you have to restrain yourself in these situations. Persistence is usually a good thing, but too much and you seem like a freak. Too little and you seem disinterested.

Either way, be careful with the Booty Correspondence, it's a delicate thing.

Quick Picks: Documentaries

2005-05-22T16:46:00.000-04:00

FYI, I went to You Got Served in the theaters with my friend Tyler. Loved the movie. Anywho, if you like You Got Served, check out this trailer:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/rize/

It's a documentary about "Krumping".

Also, if you are looking for someting more controversial, check out this documentary site:

http://www.thegodmovie.com/

The trailer is at: HERE!

- M

That Guy: Drunk, non-sexual, overbearing, cover-band groupies

2005-05-22T14:37:00.000-04:00

Ok, so there are about 100 different categories for "That Guy". This time, it is the "drunk, non-sexual, overbearing, cover-band groupies".

Seriously, last night I went to this bar that had a pretty good cover band because my friend knew someone in the band. Music was good, bar was ok, yada yada yada. Anyway, The lead singer plays the guitar and also the keyboard depending on the song. Well, for a few songs in a row, the lead singer was on the keyboard. Now, there was about an 8 inch gap between the edge of the keyboard/stage and the wall. So, as the band is playing this drunk dude wedges himself into this 8 inch gap, with brew in hand, and starts obnoxiously rocking out about 3 inches from the lead singer. Dude is wasted.

Now, I'm not saying I've never been a "that guy" before, but this was out of control. I cannot believe this didn't bother more people. So, for the first song, the band was really tolerant of this guy. Even though he was bumping the keyboard, almost grabbing the mic, and in general just being annoying, the band just joked around after the song and let him stay in the spot. So, they start another song, and the guy keeps being super annoying. At this point, I want to dropkick the dude in the teeth. He has shot to #1 on my "people I hate most list" right above Ashton Kutcher, Colin Farrell, and every member of Maroon 5.

So, they tolerate this guy AGAIN. I have to give the band credit, they could have got the guy booted out of the bar, but they just played it cool. So, I figure if they can deal with it, I guess I should be able to as well. So, the third song begins with the guy still there and guess what happens. The stupid drunk motherf'er that is wedged in the 8 inch gap F's up the keyboard so it does not work.

Now, the song that had been started was Elton John's "Tiny Dancer". Let me tell you something, that late at night and that drunk, EVERYONE loves "Tiny Dancer". I was pissed. But, again, the band played it cool.

I could not believe it. This drunk guy was ALL OVER the lead singer trying to steal his mojo and making a fool out of himself. What did he think he was going to achieve by doing what he was doing? Did he think that they would ask him to come up on stage, he would rock out to some John Mayer song and all the girls would throw their "delicates" up on stage in an effort to bed him?

I know I've done stupid things and I've been "That Guy", but this guy was soooooo ridic I could not believe it.

So frustrating. Afterwards I went to an Irish Pub where they played G-Unit. Good times.

Spanish 101 - True Story

2005-05-22T14:18:00.000-04:00

Alright, everytime I go out partying I tell the same stories over and over again, so I am going to keep these stories alive via this blog. Anyway, this is my story of Spanish class freshman year of college.

This is the setup: Syracuse sends you a pre-teset before you actually are enrolled in Spanish before your frosh year to see your level of comprehension and ability. So, even though I took 4 years of Spanish in high school, I skipped out on this test and signed up for Spanish 101. I roll into Spanish 101 where, on the first day, they give you another comprehension test. And, you are supposed to list your Spanish experience as well. I figure I'm safe in Spanish 101, so I ace the test and list that I took four years of Spanish in high school. So the professor, AS SOON AS I HAND IN MY TEST, she reviews it and says I should be in Spanish 3 and at the very least Spanish 2, but I could not stay in the class that I was in now.

So what happens next? I go to the Spanish office and they state to me: "Oh, it's your lucky day, we have an open Spanish 2 class that you can enroll in - 8am, Mon-Thur". So, I realize 8am is early, but I used to be up way earlier for high school, so I figure what the hell, I might as well try it.

Bottom Line: BAD IDEA. And by bad idea, I mean maybe the worst idea since Members Only jackets.

So the first day I am supposed to go two things occur:
1. I break my alarm clock trying to hit the snooze button
2. I realize that a normal person should not be up this early during his or her tenure in college

Thankfully, I found a solution to my issue, and this is what it was:
My friend Lian would wake me up around 7:40, I would then roll out of bed, fully clothed with backpack already packed and on my back, brush my teeth, and walk with Lian to class. Now, that is only the first part of solving the problem.

The next part was dealing with my inability to function at that time of the day. So what I did was I promised the professor, who by the way was very nice, that I would never miss a class all semester. Remember this class is at 8am, Monday through Thursday all semester. That is like 60 classes total or something crazy. So, in return for me never missing a class, and assuming my grades were good, the professor would only call on me when it was an absolute must.

It was a perfect marriage. I would come down from The Mount, on time, and I never missed a class. I would sit in the corner and not take off my backpack and nod in and out of consciousness. This continued for the whole semester and I got an A and, no, I am not making this up.

Good times.

Graduation should equate to Mardi Gras

2005-05-16T20:46:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I went up to Syracuse University's (my alma mater) graduation because I had some friends graduating. I had a good time, saw my friends end their collegiate career, experienced the ceremonies, and partied at night. Good times had by all I would say. However, after graduating twice ('02 undergrad, '04 grad) and attending a few others as a spectator, I have realized that graduation is really underwhelming.

Graduation should be a week of ballyhoo, celebration, and incredible festivities. I mean, think about it, you aren't really just ending your collegiate career, which in and of itself is more than enough reason to celebrate for a week, you are really ending the only chapter you have ever known in your life.

I've always felt that the way most kids grow up these days is with graduating college as the ultimate goal. I mean, when you are growing up, you say that you think you want to be a doctor, or an architect, or whatever, but what you are really gearing up for is college. And after college it is a brand new scary world.

Anyway, enough about the sentimental stuff, back to the week of fun. This is the way it should be set up in my opinion (I will use this year's dates for my example):

Monday, Apr 25th: Last day of classes. If your class does not have a final and needs a paper or project, it must be due by this date

Tuesday, Apr 26th - Sun, May 1st: all finals must be completed.

Monday May 2nd: Bar B Que on the quad. Set up a stage, get a big name, let the fun begin. Seriously, could you imagine if G-Unit was performing on the quad with human bowling going on too?

Tuesday May 3rd: Mardi Gras on campus. Why not?

Wednesday May 4th: Freshman year challenge. Day 6 versus Brew 3 in tug o' war. L-Town 17 versus Sadler 5 in a relay race. Flint 1c versus Bo 7 in bobbing for apples. Sounds like good times to me.

Thursday May 5th: Cinco de Mayo. Turn Marshall Street into a cerveza y tequila fiesta. Por que no?

Friday May 6th: Mimosas in the AM at Schine student center. Have to get ready for the 'rents coming at night.

Then the weekend could start. Wouldn't that be better than the way it is set up now? What underclassmen would leave? It would be like spring break. Can you imagine the zaniness that would occur?

Good times. A man can dream.

Sweet Loft Relaunch...

2005-05-09T22:44:00.000-04:00

I'm going to apologize AGAIN for not posting frequently enough, but my new job has been keeping me pretty busy.

What I'm going to do is to try to write one post per Mon-Fri and then one on the weekend. Also, I'm not going to link to the blog in my IM anymore because my IM has too many professional associates that can view my profile. Not that I don't want my professional cohorts to view this, but there are clients that I have interacted with that know my IM name that probably are not interested in my take on hooking up, boozing in college, or my opinion of made-for-tv movies.

Anyway, I'm going to begin a mailing list...so, if you want to be on the mailing list, send me an email at Michael.Moscardini@gmail.com and I will add you to it. I will send you an email when I write a new post and it also will help me keep everyone's email in order. Hopefully at some point we can have a SweetLoft Party. Maybe a SweetLoft Foam Party or something. Who knows.

Also, I am seeking guest writers as well. With scaling back my number of posts, I would like to feature a new writer each week.

Anyway, send me your emails.

Michael.Moscardini@gmail.com

What is the deal with pageants...If I had one, it would be a bit different.

2005-04-12T20:30:00.000-04:00

I started thinking about this the other day...does anyone really care about it anymore. Or the Ms. USA one. Maybe people care about Ms. Universe because Ms. Brazil is still in the competition, but back to the point.

Does the Ms. America pageant really measure anything of worth? I don't even know what the hell they do for it anymore. All I know is at one point they had swimsuits, evening wear, and a question and answer. And I'm not even too sure of that.

Now, you can probably tell that I am not entertained by this pageant. If I had a pageant, I would make it open to guys and girls a la Saved by the Bell with Screech and JRT on Behind the Music. It wouldn't even be a pageant, it would be more of a Cool Kid Coronation/Sweetloft Sponsor rather than anything else. Shit, you could be married, famous, blind, or a siamese twin. EVERYONE would be allowed to try.

These would be my parts...

Part 1: Karaoke...DRUNK. Yup, here it goes. You have to blow a BAC of .1 or higher. Now, the higher your BAC is, the higher degree of difficulty goes with your performance. Also, the song choice will be included in the scoring. So, if you blow a .1 and choose a spoken word poem, you probably will not do too well. However, if you blow an astounding .25 and sing Bridge Over Troubled Water, you will probably score pretty high.

Part 2: A one minute response to the question of "What was the most difficult part of your college life?". If your answer includes anything with "relationship", "tests", and/or "so much drama" you automatically get disqualified. If your answer includes "running out of gatorades to steal from Gleason's fridge" or "Getting cut off at Maggie's before happy hour ended" then you have a good chance at winning.

Part 3: A round of 'Never Have I Ever' with a polygraph machine. You can plead the fifth, but you get docked points. If you lie, you get docked points. If you tell the truth and it's really boring, you get docked points. Seriously, if the question is "Have I ever received or gave a hickey after college?" and your answer is "yes", you will not get points.

Part 4: Harlem Shake Contest. I don't care if you can't do it -- you better try. Why is this in here you may ask, because the harlem shake is entertaining to me. That's it. I know it's not on the front burner of popularity anymore, but again, it's my show.

Part 5: The 'Thrift Store Contest'. Every contestant has $10 to purchase a WHOLE outfit, head to toe, from The Salvation Army. Yeah, that's right, let's see how creative you can get. You can get a t-shirt, flip flops, and some jeans or you can get a whole suit. I don't care -- you have to make it work though.

Out of these five parts, two finalists would emerge and have to take on the final obstacle course. It would be part American Gladiator, part Final Jeopardy, and part Star Search.

The winner would be given a cheesesteak from Jim's in Philly, a HUGE crown, a Mad Dog 20/20 Green aka Mysterious Green, and an iPod with my own personal music list on it.

If you have any ideas for this pageant, please add them in the comments.

Adios.

If you want to know how to throw a bday party, the book has just been written by Udo

2005-04-07T13:17:00.000-04:00

Haven't posted in a while, so let me apologize for that. Now for bigger things...

Udo's birthday was the most ridiculously fun time I have had in a long while. And, let me say that I have had some off the chart ridicidoo moments and this one still topped them all.

So, this is how the party was prefaced...Nate and Sheldon were already in the QB getting amped for a night full of opportunities when none other than Gleason rolls in out of nowhere. Now let me say this, nights that the regular cuse bunch goes out, it's always a good time, adding Gleason and Nate to the mix is like going from a cranberry and vodka to a red bull and vodka, laced with speed, with Ante Up playing on repeat.

So we start a wee bit of boozin with some beers and JD. We then hop the train and head to Suede which is a sweet club owned by Timbaland. We get there and there is no one in the place, but we head right on down to the private room downstairs. Let me say this, when you walk in to a room filled with bottles of booze, mixers, fruit, and ice with COMFY couches...Oh man, the night is going to be a good one.

After a few minutes of introductions and some sitting, I barter for the bottle of tequila at the table over. Now it is go time. Shot glasses, limes, and a whole lot of potential are about to be unveiled. So, I scream at Udo to do some shots, so we start lining them up, shots go down, people get drunk. What occurs over the next few hours I can only describe as sheer joy and happiness at its purest form. There was dancing, carousing, laughing, making out, and just normal ballyhoo.

HOWEVER, this was going on right beneath a star-studded lineup upstairs. I will now list the alleged celebs that were there:

Will Valderama (verified)
Lindsey Lohan (verified)
Lindsey Grubma (verified)
JC Chasez (verified)
Joey Fatone (verified)
Fifty (NOT verified)
Richard Jefferson (verified)
Taye Diggs (verified)
Mark Wahlberg (verified)

There might have been more and I am just forgetting. However, Udo made fun of Will Valderamma stating this "Hey guys look -- It's Wilmer Valderama, the guy from 7th Heaven...hahahaha". Yup, that's right, Udo said he was from 7th Heaven.

AND, get this, Lohan and Grubman have to be separated because of something Grubman said about her.

Granted, it's not a real NYC party unless Jeter is there (as per Tommy), but it was still funny that there were celebs right above us and Udo's party was STILL better than the upstairs.

Towards the end of the night, there were girls dancing on tables, lapdances being given out, some serious making out, and a lot of good stories.

All in all, I would like to thank Udo and Husserl for throwing the creme de la creme of birthday parties.

You know it's a good party when the most common occurrence when everyone sees each other from the night before is a coy smile, a chuckle, and an utterance of "Now THAT is a party".

Spring Break Shark Attack!

2005-03-21T14:13:00.000-05:00

Alright, alright, alright...

Here we go...Long time no tending to, but I am back.

Last night there was a movie so hyped that I could barely contain myself by the time it came on. Spring Break Shark Attack had been promoted so heavily during the NCAA tourney that I had forgot that basketball was actually being played. This is how my mindset changed:

Thursday: Man, that movie looks so dumb. I can't believe that Shannon Lucio went from The OC to this.

Friday: Man, these advertisements are getting so annoying. I hope Shannon Lucio gets eaten.

Saturday: Seriously, can they promote this shit any more? Hey, did you guys see how many sharks there were in the water?

Sunday: This movie looks so stupid...you guys want to watch it?

Alright, so I got suckered in by the advertisements. I like bad movies, I like spring break, I like the dude from Cocktail...I mean, why not. Deadwood is always on On Demand.

So I tune in about half an hour into the movie, and I use the term movie very loosely, and it is action packed immediately. Attractive women, booze, beaches, sun, and music. Sounds like a good time. I am getting giddy at the fact that about half the cast, including 99% of the extras, are about to get eaten. Very exciting.

So what happens next...The movie goes from HUGE bad movie potential to straight up creepy. Shannon Lucio is the star and she has this uber-geeky brother who looks like he should be related to the unibomber. She has apparently lied to her parents about where she is for spring break, big whoop. And, finally, there is the good guy versus bad guy. Good guy was in New York Minute and the bad guy was in, who knows, maybe an after school special.

So what happens next you may be wondering? Bad guy DRUGS Shannon Lucio. Seriously, WICKED creepy. Then, inexplicably, the good guy finds her, puts her to bed, and the bad guy comes BACK and starts making out with her while she is passed out.

Remember -- The name of this movie is spring break SHARK ATTACK. At this point, I'm wondering where the sharks are and if there has ever been a more misleading title than SPRING BREAK SHARK ATTACK.

Anyway, the good guy walks in and the bad guy pulls away from groping Shannon Lucio just in time so that the good guy doesn't realize hes straight trying to scumbag it up. Let me go back to something quick here...The info for this show is "Sharks terrorize college students". Again, no sharks yet and the movie is starting to get into 8mm type creepiness.

I was on IM with my friend Devin during this movie. I convinced him to watch it. These were some of his comments regarding the advertisements for this movie:

"TRICKING people into watching a date rape movie"
"if I wanted to watcha date rape movie, I'd watch the one with Savage and Candice Cameron"
"fred savage, that is"

Seriously, the movie was just getting flat out creepy. I cannot stress this enough.

This is what Scott Lewis said about the movie 5 minutes after we started:

"This movie is not about sharks...I cannot believe this!"

Ok, so now we get into hour 2...guess what. SHARKS BABY! So here we go, I am all amped up for this. This is what I was waiting for. Virgins will be saved and all other heathens shall find death within the clenches of shark jaws.

Quick interlude: Is a cheesecake really a cake? Some of us say pie, some say pastry, all of us agree -- great treat.

Devin and I just had this exchange regarding the cheesecake:
Devin: here's pie:
Devin: A baked food composed of a pastry shell filled with fruit, meat, cheese, or other ingredients, and usually covered with a pastry crust. A layer cake having cream, custard, or jelly filling.
Devin: so a pie IS a cake
Cuse4527: oh yeah
Cuse4527: like a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isnt a square
Devin: right
Devin: it's def not a cake
Cuse4527: not at all

OK, back to the movie...
One quick note back to the roofied Lucio, when she was doped up she called her dad and told him she snuck off to spring break. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

Sharks are attacking the boat everyone is on. Goodguy saves Lucio with some deep knowledge of Tiger Sharks or some shit. Who knows. Somehow they get back to land.

This exchange just took place:

Lewis: I know like 4 people that have been bitten by a shark
Devin (via IM): That's a lie
Lewis: It happens all the time

That leads to this exchange between Lewis and Ardo:

Lewis: Ive gone swimming in lakes with alligators all the time
Ardo: I dont believe you
Lewis: kids are alway swimming in lakes
Ardo: they're stupid

Ok, so to recap...If you live in Florida, you will probably encounter sharks and/or gators at some point if you are in the water. No sharks or gators on the N Train and that is all I care about.

NEW CBS MOVIE ELVIS...FOLLOWED IN A FEW WEEKS BY CBS MOVIE LOCUSTS.

I can hardly contain myself. CBS is "America's Most Watched Network" says Pete, with whom I am also now IMing with.

OH SNAP...Bad guy tried to blame good guy for the roofies and Lucio just used some sweet logic to entrap him in his own lie. AND, the bad guy is wearing black. We should have known. Good guy just got a few licks to the bean on bad guy.

Bruce just dropped this re the bad guy: "You got served"

Ok, so lets fast forward a little bit...believe me, you aren't missing anything...back to the beach. Yes I know you are wondering how the story got back here and so am I and I watched the damn thing.

The bad guy is still hanging around everyone EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW HE DRUGGED LUCIO!

This is the exchange Devin and I just had:
Cuse4527: was greaser just pounding beers?
Devin: yes
Cuse4527: why?
Devin: no reason

ALRIGHT...here come the sharks. They just ate a whole lot of unsuspecting people. They were probably sinners anway. Guess who gets eaten -- that's right, the bad guy. This is how it transpired:

Bad guy is hanging onto this pole (dont ask) with a girl, but he is just looking out for #1 and the girl and he fall into the water. The girl gets back to safety and the bad guy gets eaten. Poetic justice in my book.

So in the end let's tally it up:
-Lucio survives and is the only person that can save anyone.
-Lucio's brother, a PhD student at Florida Maritime Institute, has developed a tool that keeps sharks away from coastlines for his thesis. Luckily for those on spring break, it saved a number of people that were going to die.
-Unfortunately, dude on a floaty met the grim reaper.

I am going to end this post with a comment from Devin and a comment from Pete.

Pete (upon me describing what was occurring): "oh, so its about everything that can feasibly scare middle-class white america about spring break."

Devin (describing what the creators were thinking): "we'll make a movie...first hour, all about date rape and roofies....second hour, sharks...in between, hot girls in bikinis and greasers with open shirts"

Final note, this was written by someone who went to Cuse. Now he has Spring Break Shark Attack to add to his resume which includes Real World: The Lost Season.

I am SPENT.

A-Choooo...Random Musings...

2005-03-07T21:44:00.000-05:00

- Guess who I rode the elevator with in my building today? Michael Cassidy aka Zack aka Summer's ex-bf from The OC. Seriously, I did. He had his agent and publicist or something to like that with him or else I def would have asked him his thoughts on the cultural importance of The OC on twenty-something males. Instead I was boggled by how much shorter he was in person than I thought he would be.

- What is the deal with these evolving smileys. What ever happpened to : ) or : * or ; ). I mean, the basic yellow smiley is ok I guess. But what's with the new age freaky ass smileys. They are waaaaaaaay too teethy and evil looking. I mean, they look like something out of a Friday the 13th. Seriously, ease up on the creepy as smileys.

- It was 50-something degrees today in NYC which now gives me hope for warm weather. I cannot wait for the extra hour of daylight, warmer weather, and awesome happy hours. Most importantly -- margaritas for happy hour.

-My favorite dudes on American Idol right now are Bo Bice, Anwar, and the dude that looks like Bubba Sparxx.

That is all. Happy birthday to Walsh. Big TWO-FIVE today.

The Oscars

2005-03-01T20:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, here we go...

Chris Rock was by far the most entertaining part of the night and he was hamstringed for most of it, so that right there should tell you something about the night. You know he did a good job when Sean Penn, looking as though he just came out of a week long bender, retorted regarding the Jude Law shot.

I literally could care less about 2/3 of the awards given out.

How about the music? Beyonce is awesome but I was underwhelmed by the songs themselves. And, could Antonio Banderas possibly put more grease on himself? Was that him singing or Razor Ramon?

I was extremely happy Morgan Freeman and Jamie Foxx won Oscars. For Morgan, it is long overdue and for Jamie, I actually feel like it means more to him than almost anyone else. Plus I have been watching him since I was little, so it's nice to see him succeed.

I didn't see either The Aviator or Million Dollar Baby. So don't ask me about them.

The most beautiful person there: Natalie Portman. She looked like a goddess, both in dress and natural beauty.

In regards to Hillary Swank, I just don't know what to think about her. I mean, she comes from a trailer park which gives her some cred, she talks much more honestly than most people when interviewed, but something about her is just off. I don't know. I just don't get amped up when I hear Hillary Swank is in a movie and for a two time Oscar winner, I think that I should get that feeling.

Couldn't The Oscars just have had Alicia Keyes, Joss Stone, Kanye, and Green Day perform again?

Also, what the F was the deal with all the empty seats? I know the first level seats are empty at times for stars doing shit, but what the F is up with third tier seats being empty? I mean come on.

I'm going to say this right now, the post parties are CLEARLY the best part of the whole night. I stayed up til 2ish watching the party coverage. MUCH MUCH better. I mean, when Mo Free is about to sip on Cris with OSCAR IN HAND at the vanity fair party...how awesome is that? I mean, can we just watch that the whole night. Let him hang with Chris Rock and that would be entertaining. Can we have the contest of "Who can blow more coke than Robin Williams during Mork and Mindy?" Seriously, grab 16 stars, seeed them 1-16, and let them at it at the post vanity fair party at Prince's house.

Next year, I'm hoping for a Keira Knightley Oscar nomination, Dave Chappelle to host, a performance by Mariah Carey (coming off a Grammy Awards domination), and Johnny Depp to win an award and thank his time on 21 Jump Street for making him the actor he is today.

Also, I would like a full theatre.

Top 5 Most Overrated TV Shows of All-Time:

2005-02-23T23:05:00.000-05:00

Here we go...

5. Sopranos: Yup, I said it. Is it a good show? Yes. Is it monumental? No. Nate has a theory that everyone loves it because they've seen something or been somewhere or knows where something is in an episode or the opening. He is obviously somewhat joking, but he is also somewhat right. This show hits the nerve of every dude in america who fantasizes about the mafia lifestyle. The only problem is that The Sopranos started out awesome and then tanked and everyone just kept making excuses. When you are on HBO, there is no excuse to have a bad season, especially when you are on your own timeframe for seasons.

4. M*A*S*H: The UBER-White show of all shows. The freaking theme song was the instrumental of "Suicide is Painless". I dunno, maybe I'm just too young, maybe I'm just flat out wrong, but I just can't deal with this show.

3. CSI: Monte Carlo/Anchorage/The Northwest Territory: I have seen one episode of CSI and I am making an uninformed, snap judgment and I don't care.

2. Sex and the City (on TBS): OH MY GOD SATC IS GOING TO BE ON TBS!!!! Big whoop dee damn doo. Without the "R" part of SATC the show just sucks...Oh wait a second...

1. Sex and the City (on HBO): Yeah, you read that right. If you think Sex and the City is revolutionary you better do some fact checking QUICK. Again, much like Sopranos, it is a good show, but nothing monumental especially considering it is on HBO. I don't know if people really comprehend the freedom with which HBO shows get to incorporate varied story lines. I mean, comparing something on HBO and ABC would be like comparing two basketball players, but one had to play in flip flops while the other one got to wear sneakers. I mean, it's not even close.

You want meaningful, empowering female storylines? Go watch Murphy Brown. They had a storyline which got a reaction from the Vice President of the United States. Not only did it get a reaction, it then retorted to that reaction. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should read about this show. Murphy Brown was a powerful female doing well in a traditionally male-dominated work environment. She is a single mother (see Dan Quayle shooting his mouth off), retorts in an episode mocking the VP, is competing with a co-worker that is there because of her looks, and is a middle-aged, average looking (for tv) woman. So let's recap Murphy Brown real quick: Empowered women sexually, professionally, and culturally and did it while playing in flip flops.

Now, again, I'm not saying SATC was bad, it was good, but it was not monumental. The situation and characters were too fantastic (and not the fantastic as in 'really good'). Do you think it's a coincidence that no one gives Murphy Brown more pub for empowering women in our society through a tv show than SATC? Think about it, SATC has the following: 3/4 very good looking stars, all have ridic jobs, do fun drugs, drink, sex...and the show has all of this with the freedom of HBO. Kind of sounds shallow doesn't it? Now, think about Murphy Brown and really think how incredible SATC was...

Now, I'm sure I may have touched a nerve with the sopranos and sex and the city, but whatev...let me know what you think. And if you attempt to say that Perfect Strangers was overrated, I will hunt you down and find you. I loved "The Dance of Joy".

Why I can't turn off Serendipity...

2005-02-23T22:48:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen the movie Serendipity? If you haven't, you aren't really missing anything. Pretty quickly I'll give you an overview:

Jon Cusack and Kate Beckinsale randomly meet each other, both have significant others, she believes in fate, they write their info in obscure items, and those obscure items eventually fall into each other's hands in the future...If it sounds confusing, don't worry, it's not. It's just far-fetched.

BUT, for some reason, I cannot turn it off if I catch it on. I mean, I've seen it already, there is no reason to watch it again...WITH commercials.

However, it has some things going for it that appeal to me.
1. Beckinsale. Good lord, she is a beautiful woman and that accent is like heaven.
2. It's a cheesy romantic comedy...right up my alley. And no, that is not a joke.
3. Piven is in it. Always a plus.
4. I'm a pretty big Cusack fan. High Fidelity is one of my favorite movies.
5. Not a bad soundtrack. "Moonlight Kiss" by Bap Kennedy is kind of catchy and sounds like it should be on The OC.

Now, this is coming from the guy that owns Legally Blond and Save the Last Dance. So, I guess it shouldn't be that crazy that I can't turn off Serendipity.

Addendum to Grammy's (Re-addendumized)

2005-02-16T10:56:00.000-05:00

Quick edit to this as per the comment...

Melissa Etheridge has been battling cancer, so even bigger kudos to her for her performance. It was amazing.

Quick thing...

I found out that Melissa Ethridge did the ball head thing for breast cancer victims so kudos to her...

That is making a splash for a cause that is for sure.

I'm going to have Valentine's Day post coming up soon...stick with me.

"Latro"

My Take on the Grammys

2005-02-14T22:12:00.000-05:00

Here we go...I have no structure for this, I'm going to keep it pretty simple.

First, let's start with the bad stuff: Anything with John Mayer or Maroon 5. Done and done. I don't care how much you like them or how much you think their songs relate to something important in your life, but compared to the other artists, they should not be on the same stage. Hey, I'm glad the dude from Maroon 5 is in a band with all his best friends, get off the stage.

People that I was happy for that won: Kanye, Green Day, and Alicia Keyes. I'll get to Alicia a little later. I was really happy for Kanye and Green Day. Big pop for both Kanye and Green Day's performances as well.

The performances:
Opening Act - good idea, not incredible, thought Franz Ferdinand stole the show

Alicia Keyes - Perfection

Jamie Foxx - What the mother crap is that tatoo on your head? Seriously, I'm sure it means something, but what?

Tribute to Southern Rock - Could have been better, great idea though. I love Gretchen Wilson.

U2 - Thought it was lackluster compared to some of their other performances

Gospel Tribute - Surprisingly awesome considering I'm not very religious

Green Day - Very good

Janis Joplin Tribute - Loved it and Joss Stone's performance was second only to Alicia Keyes

Queen Latifah - Eh

Tsunami Tribute - Eh

Usher and James Brown - Too short. James Brown's pants were up to his nipples. It was really good, but something about it, something was missing

Tim McGraw - I'm not really a Tim McGraw fan, not a bad song though

I'm sure I've forgotten some, but that is about it.

Shooting up on my fav list: Joss Stone, again, just awesome.

Best part of the night: Anything with Alicia Keyes. I mean, how can you NOT love Alicia Keyes. She is the epitome of beauty and talent. She is classically beautiful, an absolutely awe-inspiring performer, and you cannot forget any performance that you see of hers.

Prediction for next year: The Mariah Carey comeback tour. I'm serious. Mariah was THE female performer at her pinnacle. Her voice was surreal with its power. Americans give anyone a second chance and it's not like she killed anybody. She got a little stressed, had a few bad breaks, and then had a meltdown on TRL. She can definitely bounce back. I refuse to think she is gone forever.

Melissa Ethridge's Bald Head: Whatever. Joss Stone was on the stage.

Queen Latifah as Host: Really good. I thought she had a great stage demeanor and incorporated her own style into the show very nicely.

Ray Charles Stuff: As much as this pains me, I was underwhelmed with the Ray Charles stuff. Incredible performer and the stuff with Norah Jones is always a plus. But, I'm starting to feel like his death, coupled with the movie, is being commercialized a little bit. With that said, I do hope Jamie Foxx wins an Oscar.

J. Lo: How is Mariah Carey in the dumps and J Lo is performing at the Grammys? Seriously? Anybody?

People who won that I was really happy for that you might not know won: Jon Stewart (Best Comedy Album) and Bill Clinton (Best Spoken Word Album).

Anyway, that's about it. Just remember, Alicia Keyes and Joss Stone came out the big winners in my book. Followed by Gretchen Wilson, Green Day, and Kanye.

TV Series with AWFUL finales

2005-02-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm going there, I'm sick of it. Here are some off the top of my head.

Seinfeld: Hey, we're going to bring back every single character that we used in the past and thus create a series finale where we go against everything we stand for as a show. I mean come on, I'm not even a huge Seinfeld fan, but sweet jesus, they sold out for the series finale. There was so much secrecy for the finale and then they put out a bust. Just a totally disappointing finale for a show that was supposed to be THE show of the 90s.

Dawson's Creek: I will give Dawson's Creek credit, they moved into college life from high school life much better than 90210 did. In the end however, they had Jen die, not that anyone really cared because her character was so erratic, but that wasn't my main gripe. My main gripe is that Joey picked PACEY over Dawson. Now, during the final episode, everyone is coming back for Dawson's mother's wedding and Joey is dating some dude named Christopher. Pacey is hooking up with a married woman and then gets his ass beat down. Dawson however is a big time TV dude with his own show. So here is the last show: Jen dies, Joey inexplicably picks Pacey over Dawson (like that would happen) and Dawson gets to meet Spielberg (it is inferred that he is going to). Now, not only is Joey picking Pacey over Dawson ridic, it's ridic that she would pick either. No way she ends up with either of those two, let alone Dawson. And, it's not like people are really rooting for her to pick either, because no one really cared, they let the triangle go for too long.

90210: OK, could they possibly have had Brenda and Brandon appear. I know Brandon appeard via tape, but come on Jason Priestley, get your too-cool-for-school ass back on the show. I mean, getting Shannon Doherty back would have been gigantic. So much potential, Dylan going back to Brenda, Brandon and Kelly maybe getting back together...but no, what is the big, huge, end all be all culmination to the show - DAVID AND DONNA'S WEDDING. Good god, nepotism at its WORST. Did anyone really care about those two. Really? Anybody? Exactly.

And now, the worst of all...

The Wonder Years: Here is a show where the main girl and guy SHOULD have ended up together. Go back and watch this show anytime, it is awesome. And, even though it takes place during the 60s, it seems timeless. The characters were awesome from top to bottom. Outside of Fred Savage maturing a little more quickly physically, this show was practically perfect. The music was awesome, the storylines incredible, and you actually cared when bad things happened. Now, all I want as an avid fan of the show is for Kevin and Winnie to get together. That is it. That is all the repayment I want. Unlike Dawson's Creek, it is ok for them to do it in this show because of 1) The time frame and 2) The show was so good it could have a stretch of an ending. So, how does it end? In the final narration Kevin states how after Winnie had gone abroad for a few years and comes back that he went to the airport to pick her up...WITH HIS FAMILY. Are you kidding me? Could you just give this to me. If Winnie Cooper and Kevin Arnold can't make it, then how the hell is anyone else supposed to make it. Just a terrible ending to an incredible show.

If you can think of others, throw up a comment.

Check out Clevercitizen.com

2005-02-08T19:01:00.000-05:00

I don't usually do this, but this is my friend Josh's site. It's got a crapload of cool shit on it. And, if you really want to know where I come friend, check out the "rumors" section and scroll down to Johnson City, you will find priceless stuff.

Quick tidbit about Josh...He, my friend Brad and I used to play street hockey like 10,000 times a week when we were growing up. We all lived next to the infamous "Virginia Ave Park" where every single Johnson City girl played softball.

Because of my proximity to this park, I learned every chant those girls sang...

My god, "We want a single, just a little single,S-I-N, G-L-E, single single single."

Yup.

Anywho, check out his site, it's got cool shit on it.

Click Me => Clevercitizen

Quick Notes regarding my blog...

2005-02-08T13:26:00.000-05:00

Some things real quick...

I know that the sidebar is messed up if you are viewing this blog using Internet Explorer, I'm trying to fix that. The problem is that I'm using Mozilla Firefox and since it is much better than IE, it doesn't F up like IE does. So, while I'm trying to fix the sidebar, you should definitely download and use Mozilla Firefox. It is a million times better than IE and you will NOT have pop ups.

Also, let me know how it looks if you are using Safari.

Go here and get Mozilla: http://www.mozilla.org

I swear to you, you will never use IE again.

Also, I saw the iPod ad in the "comments" section under my interview with Gab, I'm sending Google (this blog site is done by Google) an e-mail seeing what the deal is with that.

Finally, I think I'm going to put a counter on my blog to see how many of y'all folks are checking this site out.

And send me an IM at Cuse4527 or an email at Michael.Moscardini@gmail.com if you have any recommendations for the blog or want me to write about anything. I'm all ears.

Ma Belle Ami Gabrielle

2005-02-06T13:18:00.000-05:00

What can I say...Gabrielle is a feisty, mischievous coquette who enjoys stylish nights out where the term "last call" does not apply. She is an upstate NY enchantress with a razor's edge wit and an equally stunning visage. Her demeanor is one of cool confidence with a slight veil of mystery and intrigue. One look and you will know why this femme fatale can steal the show at the drop of a hat...

Cuse4527: 1. Name/S&M-Dominatrix Name
Cleo454: Gabrielle Tischler Kellner/Chiquita Banana

Cuse4527: 2. How do you know me?
Cleo454: You were introduced to me 2 years ago by Nick Mead under the DJ booth window at Maggies

Cuse4527: 3. What is your opinion of Ugz?
Cleo454: Besides if I buy them shoot me?
Cleo454: They are slippers moonlighting as boots and as long as the wealthy female population at Syracuse doesn't find some other stupid foot trend to obsess over they will continue to be ubiquitous in Syracuse
Cleo454: They are a powerful force. Even the rubber Burberry knock-off rain boots didn't push them off their pedestal

Cuse4527: 4. Are you fabulous and if so, why?
Cleo454: Yeah, but I prefer magnificent, or sophisticated, fabulous is old, fabulous is the new "cool"
Cleo454: and why?
Cleo454: Yikes, I might have to come back to this one. Complimenting my self is counter intuitive

Cuse4527: 5. What's the quickest thing a guy can do to turn you off when trying to hit on you?
Cleo454: Have expectations
Cleo454: I can't stand when a man comes at me with a list of what he wants reflected in the drool in the corner of his mouth
Cleo454: if you come with expectations, count on not having them met, I’m a hard sell

Cuse4527: 6. What would your ideal vacation entail?
Cleo454: well let me say first that Uuuuudo stole Ibiza away from me and now I have to come up with something else. As payment I demand to go on that vacation, should it ever happen
Cleo454: My ideal vacation......
Cleo454: Brazilian Caribbean for seven days, the Presidente Hotel, five star restaurants, room service, and sex three times a day (preferably with the same man)
Cleo454: and then seven days in Miami sweating to Cuban music and drinking tequila
Cuse4527: wow, that is an awesome answer
Cleo454: hahahaha see, my fabulousness just pours out, it's indescribable, you must experience it to see it

Cuse4527: 7. How bad is the double standard, "Stud v. Slut", for guys and girl?
Cleo454: Real bad Mikey, real bad.
Cleo454: You know it's bad because men usually don't see it and they'll fight you on it
Cleo454: they'll disagree that there isn't a double standard, but men get high fived when they get laid, and we get "Oh honey, you better get yourself checked out, ok?"
Cleo454: And I think if it has to exist, it should be reversed, I mean, women put up with the pick up lines, the bad dress shirts, the drunk sweat, and if you convince us to sleep with you, we end up doing most of the work
Cleo454: I think we're the heroes here

Cuse4527: 8. Can girls and guys be platonic friends?
Cleo454: I think it's case by case
Cleo454: men and women have different ideas about what friendship is too, so if you don't agree on that it's hard to know if you have a friendship in the first place

Cuse4527: 9. What is 2nd Base?
Cleo454: Well after your survey on the subject failed miserably and my definition won hands down, I can say with confidence that it is everything your hands can touch
Cleo454: boobs, butts, and mmmhhhhmmmm

Cuse4527: 10. One Night Stands: Appealing or Appalling?
Cleo454: For me, appalling, there is not a guy on earth who's getting past the 3 hour make out quota in one night. And if you never get past the first night, you never really have mind blowing sex, do you? You have awkward first time sex, or drunken "animal" sex and if you were sober "animal" would = messy
Cleo454: I can see why it appeals to people who need affirmation, and people who like to have a good story
Cleo454: and I gotta agree with Udo, my body is for pros only

Cuse4527: 11. Would you ever dance on a bar?
Cleo454: After that girl at Tin Lizzie's took a nose dive into the floor I'm more hesitant
Cleo454: But I actually already have. If you bartend at Maggie's you're obligated to poor shots into everyone's mouth from the bar
Cleo454: I'm sure we did some shaking of some kind when we were up there

Cuse4527: 12. What would be your perfect outfit for a night out?
Cleo454: huuuuuuuuuuuuoooooo
Cleo454: the question of my dreeeaaams
Cleo454: well where am I going?
Cleo454: what's the occasion?
Cuse4527: how about a club, night out in nyc?
Cleo454: am I drinking? dancing? ask Udo, these are important considerations
Cuse4527: haha
Cuse4527: both
Cleo454: ok
Cleo454: a bright coral, silk viscose, body hugging, backless halter, mini dress with a neckline down to my belly button, the light light the green satin Gucci cage stilettos, a Fendi clutch, and canary diamonds pouring down my neck and out my ears
Cleo454: oh and take me to Fekkai to get my hair done!

Cuse4527: 13. What is the best thing about being a girl?
Cleo454: the best thing....
Cleo454: I can successfully match my emotions with the corresponding word in the dictionary, and will live a happier more open life because of it
Cleo454: men think every feeling they have is anger
Cleo454: "your dog just died, how do you feel" "angry"
Cleo454: "You mean sad, confused, weighted down, helpless?"
Cleo454: "Yeah Angry"
Cleo454: whatever, it's a boring answer, but that girl Adrianne took mine
Cleo454: and I want that noted

Cuse4527: 14. What is your fav memory that involves me and you?
Cleo454: awwwww my fav? There’s so many
Cuse4527: or just choose one of your favs
Cleo454: k
Cleo454: One Wednesday night we were bored and I had the genius idea to do power hour with hard liquor and it's still the only time I've ever puked from drinking. I think we laughed for 45 minutes straight
Cleo454: I know at least I didn't finish the hour

Cuse4527: 15. How was our summer of the futon?
Cleo454: I spent every Tuesday of the summer after my sophomore year on your futon and not once did I wake up with you standing over me breathing hard. Those were good times

Cuse4527: 16. What is the best bar at Syracuse and why?
Cleo454: Ok ok ok, the best bar at Syracuse is Maggie's Tavern
Cleo454: and here's why, though this is not so much a credit to the bar as to it's drinkers
Cleo454: it's the bar I have the most good memories from
Cleo454: it's the only bar that plays crazy and friends in low places in one night
Cleo454: it's the only bar you can get to stay open all day for a fraternity keg party that serves one kind of beer but names itself after the German beer fest boasting thousands of brews
Cleo454: and I met my best friends at that bar, anne, amy, you, and nick
Cleo454: so I guess it's Maggie's hands down (if nick reads this and I get a call about how he knew I would eat my words I'm telling him you made it up)

Cuse4527: 17. What is the best part about being from upstate NY?
Cleo454: You get to school JC in Lacrosse Every spring and make the big girls cry :-D
Cleo454: and it's homey. Section 4 baby

Cuse4527: 18. Does "size" really matter?
Cleo454: I'd say, no, as long as we're not talking micro dick, but then yes, there are support groups for that and it's sad, but you should really buy yourself a strap on
Cleo454: That said, there IS such a thing as too big. It's a scary experience and rare but it puts a whole new spin on the word average

Cuse4527: 19. Body Shots: Yes or No? and why?
Cleo454: Yes please, if you have an above average body. They're harmless, and goofy, it's a good story, everyone laughs and oooohs at you. But below average it's risky, nobody wants to see that having whipped cream licked off it.

Cuse4527: 20. How would you describe me?
Cuse4527: (you can be as vicious as you want)
Cleo454: hahah yeah I'm vicious
Cleo454: You're a wise ass, extremely loyal, very talented and quick witted
Cleo454: You have terrible taste in television programming and spend too much time in front of the mind-sucking devise
Cleo454: Your spin the bottle idea is brilliant in theory and in practice I think you'd better get a lawyer before you attempt it
Cleo454: I'm convinced you'll end up with a huge family in Connecticut and a lovely wife and you'll wear polo shirts and play tennis or something
Cleo454: you'll probably invent something that will make tons of money
Cleo454: like post-its, like in Romy and Michelle's high school reunion
Cleo454: you're one of the most fair, opened minded men I've ever met, and very forgiving
Cleo454: And you're fun, always easy to motivate
Cleo454: and you have three black shirts to wear to the bar
Cleo454: and that's it

Jay Hachey's Addendum to My TV Show Post

2005-02-05T10:27:00.000-05:00

My buddy Jay wrote me an email with some very good points and insight. I would like to note that Tommy, Pete, and now Jay pointed my obvious flaw in my Joe Rogan statement.

Anywho, here is Jay's email:

It's about time Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place and Newsradio got the respect they deserve. A few comments, seeing as how we are talking about my childhood here. First, Newradio went on another year or two with Jon Lovitz taking over for Phil Hartman. I won't comment on how terrible the show was when that happened, just realize that it did.

Two Guys and a Girl...great show, however, once they got rid of the pizza place and just went with two guys and a girl the show went downhill fast, as they took away that mid-20s "what the hell do we do now" aspect. 100% right about Ryan Reynolds, hysterical. The girl who was also in Boston Common, brought a great aspect to the show. However, she turned into a whiny bitch once they introduced her fiancee to the show.

A couple of shows that should have made the list:

Men Behaving Badly: Great show that many people do not remember starring Rob Schneider and Ron Eldard. Fantastic show that just never took off, but I could make an argument that it was the funniest sitcom I have ever seen (and yes, Rob Schneider was the star of the show). I have never laughed so hard at a TV show as I did when they made an event of watching Xena: Warrior Princess, just so they could see her "mount the horse". I still laugh about it to this day, I can't wait for when they put it on DVD.

Wings: This and Beverly Hills 90210 was my summer vacation back in the high school days. I have seen just about every episode and can say that Thomas Hayden Church and "Roy Biggens" (David Schramm...thank you IMDb) was the best on-screen supporting duo of our generation. They played the idiotic mechanic (who could apparently be compared to Emeril Lagossi in the kitchen) and the cynical, lovable loser who worked at the rival ticket counter, respectively. Throw the constantly down-on-his-luck cab driver Antonio and this show is already a winner without the Hackett brothers even coming into the picture (remember the episode when Brian gets a date with a bank teller, only to find out she has terrible breath, then they get snowed in at the Christmas party and start accusing each other of stealing all the while Christine is trying to throw a fancy dinner party which could just never happen? Friends copied that with Monica once or twice). Great show!

Ned and Stacy: Also a great show starring Thomas Hayden Church and introduced us to Debra Messing before her career tanked with that gay show she does now. It had the two faking a marriage so Church could get a big job at his ad agency all the while hilarity ensued. Amazing show that introduced us (at least me) to the concept of Jewish mother that always makes fun of the daughter for not being married. Every scene with Ned (Thomas Hayden Church) was off the charts funny.

Other than that, I liked the list and writing this list made my day, I don't even care if you read it. Take it easy.

TV Shows that were inexplicably cancelled...

2005-02-03T15:28:00.000-05:00

I've been watching a lot of TV lately and I came to wonder why some TV shows got cancelled. Tommy helped me out with some shows for this post. Let me give some examples...

Ed: Great show. Michael Ian Black was involved which is always a plus. The basis was that a man from Stuckeyville (Ed) left to be a big lawyer in NYC, which he did, but one day he came home and his wife had cheated on him so he moved back. And, he bought a bowling alley. And, in the town was the inevitable home town sweetheart. Also, every show had a $10 ridic bet between Ed and his friend. I think Devin and I were the only people to watch this show consistently. It is damn funny. It is also on TBS at Noon during the week. Also, the dorky kid from Jeepers Creepers was on the show.

Skin: Yeah, you know the girl that you love on The OC that is about to seduce Marissa into her "bi-curious for February sweeps" time for her character, she was the main girl in Skin. The premise was very loosely based on Romeo and Juliet with two families, one family having a father who is the District Attorney and the other father is a porn producer. If this still hasn't helped, how about this: "His father is the district attorney!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yup, there you go. This show had it. Still should be on.

The State: Yeah, this sketch comedy show was ridiculous. It was awesome. I cannot stress how funny it was. Again, Michael Ian Black. Let me run some skit names by you: "Choking", "Monkey Torture", "$240 Worth of Pudding", "The Bearded Men of Space Station 11", and "Barry Lutz Show". Now, I could get into many more, but if you have never seen this show, you are missing out.

2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place: It is basically a Friends type show set in Boston, but the mid 20’s characters actually do things that mid 20’s people do. Like going to grad school, still acting like a college kid (getting drunk a lot) and trying to figure out what the hell they are going to do with their lives. I feel like that age bracket is just misrepresented most of the time. It stars Ryan Reynolds (of Van Wilder fame) who is just an outstanding comedic actor. Seriously, his timing and delivery of jokes is impeccable.

It was a debacle that ABC didn’t know how to market this show. Or end the show for that matter. How can you end the series on a cliffhanger and never again tell us what is going on? I mean that is like going to the movies and having the film ending 10 minutes short, or going to a basketball game and having the refs decide that they will end the game with 6 minutes left to play. You can catch the reruns on the WE channel. Yes that is the Women’s Entertainment Channel. Live, Love, Laugh.

And a show that got cancelled through no fault of its own:
NewsRadio: If any of you remember this show, this was vintage Phil Hartman. A great supporting cast and just amazing and funny storylines. This show got cancelled eventually after Phil Hartman was killed and Joe Rogan came into the picture. Rogan actually wasn't awful, but could not hold a candle to what Hartman could do. Also, Andy Dick was really funny on this show.

There you go, I'm sure I could think of more, but I just wanted to throw that up there. Throw a comment on if you know any other shows that fall into this category.

Adrianne is Swahili for Undeniable Siren

2005-02-02T10:13:00.000-05:00

I've done a collaborative with Adrianne before and this is what I wrote about her:

"This is a collaborative effort with my friend Adrianne. She is an upper east side vixen with knee-wobbling beauty, a sly grin, and a spicy side that comes about on the weekends and sometimes Tuesdays. She is 50% angelic, 50% naughty, and 100% unadulterated woman that you cannot say no to."

Yup, here we gooooo...

Adrianna981: just got home...are just a tiny bit drunk interviews allowed?
Cuse4527: hahaha
Cuse4527: absolutely
Cuse4527: I think that may be better
Adrianna981: haha, ok...ready when you are

Cuse4527: 1. name/IM name/porn star name
Adrianna981: Adrianne/Adrianna981(because its conspicuous)/Izzy Browning

Cuse4527: 2. How do you know me?
Adrianna981: well, hmmmm, through Becky Lee, but I think we have established a significant relationship since then

Cuse4527: 3. What is the lamest attempt by a guy to hook up with you?
Adrianna981: hahah...I got some good ones this past weekend...
Adrianna981: 1) "Have you ever read the book 'Little Women'
Adrianna981: 2) full out back massage at the bar by a kid in a cashmere sweater - not just shoulders, full out back massage
Adrianna981: 3) "I thought I was the best looking person in here, until you came in"

Cuse4527: 4. What time is the right time to go home after a hook up?
Adrianna981: OK, soooo, the right time to go home...been there before or not, is a max of 1 hour after wake up
Adrianna981: NO breakfast
Adrianna981: NO Cuddling in the AM
Adrianna981: NO morning hook up...especially if it’s the first time
Adrianna981: one more...
Adrianna981: ABSOLUTLY, POSITIVELY NO conversing with roommates for more than a "nice to meet you"

Cuse4527: 5. What is the best thing about being a girl?
Adrianna981: haha...you ultimately have all control (or can have all control, I should say). We can get it anywhere and guys have to work for it.

Cuse4527: 6. What is your favorite drink(s)?
Adrianna981: mmmm, I must admit that I am a beer girl when it all comes down to it, but I do love the occasional Raspberry Stoli, tonic and lime juice

Cuse4527: 7. Can girls and guys be platonic friends?
Adrianna981: well, as a woman, I do reach for the impossible and say yes. However, as I meet more and more creepy men, I am swaying to the reality of no...Only by fault of the male gender for having the urge to screw every female that glances in their direction

Cuse4527: 8. What is 2nd base?
Adrianna981: I must say that, as a female, I find the association with hooking up and baseball a boggling concept...basically any guy that feels me up is banking on the next time "hitting a home run"...hmmmmmmmm

Cuse4527: 9. One Night Stands: Appealing or Appalling?
Adrianna981: Definitely appealing...unless you’re having them consistently...there is nothing wrong with experimenting, or testing the waters. Don't even tell me there are content people in the world that only sleep with people after dating
Adrianna981: I don’t buy it
Adrianna981: they are wondering

Cuse4527: 10. Who is the best looking man in show biz?
Adrianna981: tough call, very tough call...let me think
Adrianna981: I tried to come up with something original, but I gotta give it to Brad Pitt. I'll break it down...1) genes...need I say more? 2) a-mazing body 3) available 4) charisma is a powerful thing

Cuse4527: 11. What would your perfect night out in NYC be?
Adrianna981: with a guy or the girls? Obviously VERY different nights
Cuse4527: ummm...how about the girls
Adrianna981: ok, girls...start with drinks at an apt (a little pre-game, if you will)...followed by dinner at the cheesiest place you could think of...then a swanky, celebrity-packed lounge where we meet and greet with the posh for a bit...then, top it all off with a dancing (or what we like to call dancing) at none other than...Tin Lizzie.
Adrianna981: ...come on, you knew that was coming
Cuse4527: haha, I did, I did

Cuse4527: 12. What is your favorite bad/cheesy movie of all time and why?
Adrianna981: Of course its Risky Business...all-in-one deal...love, sex, drama, drugs, pimps...all in high school

Cuse4527: 13. What is the best part about being from upstate NY?
Adrianna981: is there a best???
Cuse4527: hahahaha
Adrianna981: let me think...
Adrianna981: what isn’t the best about it...hmmmm...
Adrianna981: well, obvious reasons...you're the only one not a pansy about snow at work...
Adrianna981: ummm I’m from buffalo, so I have to note the wings...
Adrianna981: you know what a true college experience is
Adrianna981: ummmm, you KNOW that Westchester is not upstate
Adrianna981: (not think, but know)

Cuse4527: 14. Are you scared of commitment?
Adrianna981: me? terrified!
Adrianna981: commitment=loss of control that I mentioned before

Cuse4527: 15. In our short time knowing each other, what is your fav memory with you and me?
Adrianna981: hahah...at Liz and Becky's apartment telling you stories "under the influence" (like how I censored?)

Cuse4527: 16. I know I’ve asked you this before, but I wanted to put it on here...Brandon or Dylan?
Adrianna981: ok, wanna-be Dylan lover (bad ass image) but really, deep down, I wanted to be loved by Brandon
Adrianna981: (and his pizza-cutter wave and blazers with jeans)

Cuse4527: 17. How bad is the double standard, "stud v. slut", for guys and girls?
Adrianna981: on a scale of 1-10, HORRIBLE...soooooo very unfair...let me go on...
Adrianna981: these labels should not be slapped on people for the number of "partners" but for the means of attaining these partners
Adrianna981: ...and girls and guys should be open to both terms
Adrianna981: (or those that mean the same)

Cuse4527: 18. How much fun is it being in the "Awesome Looking Club"?
Adrianna981: ummmm...Awesome...very much fun indeed...even if that just means signaling at the bar while everyone else is dying to know what your talking about

Cuse4527: 19. Is there such a thing as "Love at first sight"?
Adrianna981: mmmm, nope. If I see a guy I think I’m in love with, precedent proves that I am, indeed, not...not even close

Cuse4527: 20. How would you describe me (you can be as vicious as you want)?
Adrianna981: Mike is the sweetest guy with the best sense of humor I have had the pleasure of associating myself with in a long time...and I don’t mean that in "girl language" either...genuinely great company. Plus, being my inducting officer of the Awesome Looking Club doesn’t hurt either

UDOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-01T17:16:00.000-05:00

Third one is UP. Let me drop some shit about Udo real quick and this interview too...
1. Udo is a prince
2. Money will be thrown about at his wedding
3. I had to actually take some stuff out of this interview, so this is the rated R version, not the X-rated version
4. He is an awesome awesome friend
5. He should have his own show regarding pop culture and fashion

Anyway...Buckle your seat belts for this one.

Cuse4527: 1. name/IM name/What white girls are allowed to call you
Sexy Udo 99: Mr. Udo Ahaghotu/SexyUdo99/Udonis/Pharoah

Cuse4527: 2. Who is a better looking man: You or Tyler and why?
Sexy Udo 99: HA! Good one. Well Tyler is a sexy beast. I do envy his chiseled abs. But nothing can outdo these eyes. I don’t think anyone in the Milky Way has better looking eyes or eyebrows! Sorry ladies.

Cuse4527: 3. How do you know me?
Sexy Udo 99: MIKEY! I know you through some fraternity called Theta Chi.

Cuse4527: 4. Were you the most popular person that ever attended Syracuse University? Please give an example to back up your answer.
Sexy Udo 99: The more pertinent question is: Why hasn't Syracuse University erected my statue in the middle of Schine student center yet?! I find that to be completely ridiculous, considering I was more popular than even Carmelo Anthony! (Yes! I said it) Just because that hood rat learned how to throw and bounce a few balls doesn't mean jack. I was so well renowned that a Gamma Phi girl once invited me over to her apartment, made me a plate of shrimp and rice, and at the bottom the plate was written: Will you please be my date to my formal? How pathetic.

Cuse4527: 5. What is the most ridic thing a girl has ever done to try to get with you?
Cuse4527: if that gamma phi girl thing is the most ridic, I'll scrap the question, if not, let me know what it is.
Sexy Udo 99: Yeah, some white girls have no class. A girl in AXO once bought me a tuxedo to go to her own formal. So sad.....I loved it!

Cuse4527: 6. What is your favorite story that involves you and me?
Sexy Udo 99: I have way too many to pick from. One just happened 2 weeks ago. We were at Sugar Bar, after doing like 12 shots of whiskey and tequila, I tried to dance on top off table. Needless to say, I fell off and stepped on Dena's head in the process.
Sexy Udo 99: Another one will have to be my senior year at SU.
Sexy Udo 99: We went on like a 20 sorority formal, semi-formal streak. We got invited to every formal SU had to offer. Went, drank all their liquor and left.

Cuse4527: 7. Can girls and guys be platonic friends?
Sexy Udo 99: Yes, but she must be extremely pretty. I mean any guy who has a platonic ugly girlfriend is a big loser...And should be shorn like the leper he is.

Cuse4527: 8. What is 2nd Base?
Sexy Udo 99: Ah, 2nd Base. Being able to grab and tug at most body parts without getting slapped.

Cuse4527: 9. One Night Stands: Appealing or Appalling?
Sexy Udo 99: Hmm. Somewhat Appalling. I'm not totally against it, but I love my body way to much to put it in any kind of risk. I like to know that the girl lying next to me wont wake up and steal my favorite jacket. (** wink, wink, like this girl Meredith that Tyler hooked up with).

Cuse4527: 10. Can you please describe what your wedding will entail when you do get married?
Sexy Udo 99: Awesome. I suffer from serious delusions of grandeur in the US but not in Nigeria. I envision poor starving families locked out. Some of them trying to climb the gates and being whipped as soon as they do make it over. I envision the bride’s family bringing me all their life’s worth to please me. I envision horses and being fanned as I dance to Billie Jean.

Cuse4527: 11. How is life as a prince?
Sexy Udo 99: I do not like the term 'prince'. It’s not very appropriate. But, it is nice to go to a country and have people do anything for you. It doesn’t hurt that I might possibly be the hottest looking guy in the whole country too. ;-) :-) Simply put, it’s grand. I never have to use words like: "please" or "thank you".

Cuse4527: 12. What is the deal with Michael Jackson?
Sexy Udo 99: Michael Jackson, he is fine. People cannot judge him, unless they have walked a mile in his diamond penny loafers. Our standards and rules do not apply to him. He is still by far, the greatest singer and most influential entertainer that lived. In a fair world, he would be ranked higher than Elvis and the Beatles. But don’t ask me about his perm hairdo.

Cuse4527: 13. What would your perfect vacation be?
Sexy Udo 99: Ahh. me, you, Lewis, Bruce, Husserl and a couple of others, going to Ibiza and being drunk the whole time and never come back!
Sexy Udo 99: Add Arden in there, he might get sassy

Cuse4527: 14. What is a family reunion like for the Ahaghotus?
Sexy Udo 99: nuclear or extended?
Cuse4527: either
Cuse4527: both
Sexy Udo 99: Well, we tend to snub other families. They did not graduate from top 50 universities, so why should we mingle with them. And they always want things from us....they besmirch my surname.
Sexy Udo 99: My nuclear family is like the Huxtables meets the Jaffe Jaffa family.
Sexy Udo 99: from Coming to America

Cuse4527: 15. Who is your favorite actress right now and why?
Sexy Udo 99: I will always love Halle and her Berry. But I’m feeling Catherine Zeta Jones right now. She was amazing in Chicago....made Renee Zellwegger look like an ogre. Hey, Zeta...me and you in the spread eagle, what do you say?!

Cuse4527: 16. What is your favorite drink?
Sexy Udo 99: GIN and TONIC be my pal! Actually I have many....depends on the mood. Tequila is good for every occasion. Bombay Sapphire and tonic for the evening and when at a bar. The infamous Udotini--made by the FUN-tommy--for when I want to be classy and sassy.
Sexy Udo 99: Jaeger Bombs away....also very good!

Cuse4527: 17. Who is the best dressed person in Hollywood?
Sexy Udo 99: male or female
Sexy Udo 99: both?
Cuse4527: yeah, do both
Sexy Udo 99: Male. I would say Orlando Bloom. He seems to get the concept of matching ties with the appropriate shirts. Andre 3000 has his own funky style, which I think it’s also cool. For females, I would say Halle Berry again. She can do no wrong. Teri Hatcher was dashing at the Golden Globes also. And so was Eva Longoria. Catherine Zeta Jones is always very elegant when she is not carrying a 50 pound zygote in her belly.

Cuse4527: 18. If you were going to be a wrestling superstar, what would your character be?
Sexy Udo 99: YES! I love this one.
Sexy Udo 99: I would like to be a manager actually. I will be called Udonis. My image would be WCW's Cat meets Hunter Hearst Helmsley circa 1997. My finishing move: The Bitch Slap. I take off my leather gloves and smack the shit out of you. I will have a different slap each time...maybe a back hand once or a smack, smack, turn around back hand combo. And then I take the microphone and drop my tagline: You've been bitch slapped BITCH!
Sexy Udo 99: I can see it right now!

Cuse4527: 19. What would your ideal Danceworks performance be?
Sexy Udo 99: I already did it. My senior year, I did a piece called Jungle Fever. It was awesome. DanceWorks would never be the same without me. Every year, I had dedicated fans that would come just to see me. One girl snuck down to the basement once and literally said: "Can I just touch you" It must suck not to be me!

Cuse4527: 20. How would you describe me?
Sexy Udo 99: MIKEY!
Sexy Udo 99: Mikey is the COOLEST kid you will ever meet. He is witty, cute and has this kid-like charm, which girls always fall for. Ladies, he also likes to snuggle....which is very rare to come across. Mikey always has your back no matter what. When I get drunk and start talking shit to every whitey in the bar, MIKEY is there to help me call them honky! And that ladies and gents, is a true friend. I love you man! :'(

Was that as good for you as it was for me...I need a nap now.

THEEEEEEEEE Tyler A. Carroll

2005-01-31T22:18:00.000-05:00

I know, my second interview in one day...But I'm digging these. Anywho, Tyler and I drank enough drinks that end in "tini" to poison a small troupe of Eskimos. He's from incredible genetics and is constantly tan. He's a kind man at heart but an intimidating figure on the outside.

Here is his interview:

Cuse4527: 1. Name/IM/what you like to be called in bed
ALLmfnDAY: Tyler Andrew Carroll, allMFNday, Taylor

Cuse4527: 2. How are you looking these days?
ALLmfnDAY: For those that HAVE seen me before; even better than that
ALLmfnDAY: for those that haven't
ALLmfnDAY: Imagine a perfectly proportioned, bronze version of Michelangelo's David, with flowing golden locks

Cuse4527: 3. How do you know me?
ALLmfnDAY: I met you through the fraternity, you were just a sprightly president back then, around the turn of the century

Cuse4527: 4. What do you think your legacy is at Syracuse University and/or Theta Chi Fraternity?
ALLmfnDAY: An interesting question that I'll answer in two parts; the former, a pseudo intellectual gym rat with irrational tendencies and few allegiances. A specter in the sense that everyone can identify me, yet few dare speak the name. More of an idea in that sense than an actual person. The latter? A seemlessly unattainable blend of wit, confidence and disregard, the combination of which catapulted my persona to almost deity status.

Cuse4527: 5. What’s the lamest attempt you have ever witnessed of a guy attempting to hook up with a girl?
ALLmfnDAY: Without mentioning names, my top five would all go to the same guy, and concern a certain "lean" some "baby babies" and a few L bombs. Sadder than the ending of Old Yeller

Cuse4527: 6. What is your favorite story that involves you and me?
ALLmfnDAY: I guess I'll go with the practice of DRAINING martini's most nights first semester last year
ALLmfnDAY: sweet booze, great set up, just gettin WRECKED on flavored martinis before going out
ALLmfnDAY: those were the blackout days

Cuse4527: 7. What's the drunkest you have ever been?
ALLmfnDAY: oh boy, it was not until my last year that I ever started to black out and lose time. Then I'd be told things I had done that I didn't remember at all, LARGE things
ALLmfnDAY: I think I slept with a freshman girl I was so tanked, I had NO IDEA
ALLmfnDAY: oh wait, I've got it
ALLmfnDAY: it was the first time I ever REALLY drank, I'm not talking a few beers, I mean I went for broke
ALLmfnDAY: On Lake Muskoka in British Columbia I was visiting my cousin
ALLmfnDAY: we went to some house party by boat
ALLmfnDAY: I drank beer, then Canadian whiskey and cola, then just Canadian whiskey
ALLmfnDAY: I got lost in the house, knocked over a stack of magazines, then proceeded to read them sprawled on the ground
ALLmfnDAY: then I walked around the house outside, throwing up every few steps, a COMPLETE LAP
ALLmfnDAY: so then we're going back to the boat, and I throw up getting into a pick ups truck, then throw up from the inside INTO the back of the truck
ALLmfnDAY: then before the boat, in the lake from the boat, and I pass out spread eagle in front of my cousins room, in the basement, FEET from the door
ALLmfnDAY: worst EVER
ALLmfnDAY: I became a man that day

Cuse4527: 8. Have you ever been to a Catillion? And if so, what was it like?
ALLmfnDAY: I had enough attitude and badittude that when i was offered a position to go when I was in middle school/high school I would always turn it down, making a convincing argument that just because I was super wealthy didn't mean I had to cavort with those snobs
ALLmfnDAY: I said all these things into a cell phone, built into a sauna
ALLmfnDAY: life was hard, but I've never been one to complain

Cuse4527: 9. Who would you consider your best friend and why?
ALLmfnDAY: I wouldn't, the concept of a best friend, or "one above all others" is counterintuitive to me. I've always been the person with a few close friends. No favorites

Cuse4527: 10. Can guys and girls be platonic friends?
ALLmfnDAY: Only if one specific condition is met; that they have had some kind of romantic link in the past, that they are, for whatever reason, over now. If this stipulation isn't met, then no, guys and girls cannot be platonic friends. There will always be some kind of sexual tension there.

Cuse4527: 11. What is 2nd Base?
ALLmfnDAY: Normally boobs, but let’s break......that.....down, shall we?
ALLmfnDAY: you can STEAL second, by accidentally brushing up against some tata's. Stretching out a double or beating a tag would be under shirt over bra. Stand up double is grubby lil hands on silver dollar nips. Anything more and your heading for third anyways.

Cuse4527: 12. One Night Stands: Acceptable or Appalling?
ALLmfnDAY: Acceptable, since everything is a one night stand until contact is made again. Nothing would ever happen without them. They can only be appalling if you're in the habit of doing them because you're a degenerate. Or if you're a girl.

Cuse4527: 13. What is the best commercial on TV right now?
ALLmfnDAY: I'm not terribly excited about the recent crop. I do enjoy watching Roddick take a trophy to the dome though.

Cuse4527: 14. Favorite part of The OC?
ALLmfnDAY: that television viewership has evolved to the point that I can be excited about a teen drama without an ounce of reticence, as its become socially acceptable for men to partake in such primetime dramas.

Cuse4527: 15. What's the best bad movie that has come out since 2000 and why?
ALLmfnDAY: oh man, and I've seen some bad ones.
ALLmfnDAY: personally, I would have to go with Aliens Vs Predator
ALLmfnDAY: I'm a huge fan, as many can attest to, and in going I found it to be, at least fiscally, the best investment I can every justify making in the theater
ALLmfnDAY: A matinee ticket is roughly 6 dollars right?
Cuse4527: yeah
ALLmfnDAY: the movie has 3 predators in it, that 2 dollars a Predator. You CANNOT beat that
ALLmfnDAY: And I'm not even talking about the aliens

Cuse4527: 16. Who is the un-funniest person you know?
ALLmfnDAY: oh man, that’s tough, so I'll pick someone everybody knows.
ALLmfnDAY: This person has ruined or killed more jokes than I've ever seen, in an attempt to utilize his wit, or lack thereof
ALLmfnDAY: on the contrary, he may possibly the funniest character I've ever met who is COMPLETELY OBLVIIOUS to his own plight: One Brian Richter.

Cuse4527: 17. What do guys really mean when they say a girl is "cute"?
ALLmfnDAY: It’s an understated girlish quality that is complimentary but ultimately implies a childlike appearance. It means she's is good looking, but not necessarily sophisticated. Small, rounded and diminutive features usually accompany a "cute" call
.
Cuse4527: 18. What do girls mean when they say a guy is "nice"?
ALLmfnDAY: if they're speaking to another woman, it’s the equivalent of hearing a girl has a "good personality"
ALLmfnDAY: I can't remember, but there's a saying about where nice guys finish

Cuse4527: 19. What's the best thing about Syracuse, NY?
ALLmfnDAY: that the city exists for the University, so if you go there you are automatically vaulted to the top of the food chain. Everything is catered to students, and its all right there for you, and you're instantly better than the status quo

Cuse4527: 20. On a scale of 1-10, how much of a "relationship guy" are you?
ALLmfnDAY: my track record withstanding, I'd say 8

Cuse4527: 21. How would you describe me (you can be as vicious as you want)?
ALLmfnDAY: I'd say you're a good natured sports nut with an infectious laugh, whose parents, for one reason or another, didn't believe in orthodontery.

There you go, Tyler in a proverbial nutshell...And by the way, I wish I went to a catillion.

Who is Funtommy?

2005-01-31T16:36:00.000-05:00

I just started a new thing for my blog...I am going to interview one of my friends every once in a while so you can get a grasp of who I am friends with. It will be entertaining and give you a little peek into their lives, as well as mine.

I am starting with my friend Tommy. Tommy is a great friend of mine with whom I've shared many a debaucherous memory with. He once debated the idea of jumping in front of his professor's car to pass a class, was part of bad movie Wednesdays, and is a living legend. He is the contemporary Frank Sinatra sans the pipes with an infinite amount of wisdom and advice. So without further ado, the interview:

Cuse4527: 1. Name/IM Name/Nickname
Tboue13: Tommy/Tboue13/Funtommy - or refer to my post – What’s In a Name

Cuse4527: 2. How do you know me?
Tboue13: I don’t know
Tboue13: but I am thinking our fraternity had something to with it

Cuse4527: 3. Your fav part of The OC?
Tboue13: Seth, no doubt. You have to go where the funniness is.

Cuse4527: 4. Have you ever bar snuggled? If yes, please describe if you won't get in trouble.
Tboue13: Umm...yes, several times. Maybe I shouldn't talk about this...I have a girlfriend that I live with.

Cuse4527: 5. The worst pickup line you have ever heard?
Tboue13: I don’t know if you were ever around for this but here we go
Tboue13: There was a game we came up with, Crash and Burn, which the very essence of the game was to say bad pickup lines to the opposite sex. You would be given a line and a mark in the bar, and if you didn’t do it, you had to buy a round for everyone else that is playing.
Tboue13: The one line I remember was my friend having to go up to the hot DJ at Darwin’s and say "you spin me right round baby, (insert dramatic smug pause) right round"
Tboue13: I believe her retort was, “Don’t ever talk to me ever again. EVER!”

Cuse4527: 6. What is your favorite story that involves you and me?
Tboue13: me driving you to Chelsey’s
Cuse4527: HAHAHAHA…Ah yes. I stay over in Paramus, it snows approximately 2.5 feet, I help your buddy move, and then you kept your promise of driving me the longest, most arduous five miles of all time. And your car broke because of it. You are a good friend.
Tboue13: My car showed its heart there. It was like an aged boxer, read Foreman, going the distance. First I believe the heat stopped working, and you know it was cold, so that kind of sucked. Then the power steering went, so I was forced to plow through snow banks and possibly peoples’ yards with the lack of control I had with my car. Finally, the electrical system went out and there was no radio or lights. Good times.

Cuse4527: 7. Your favorite hangover cure?
Tboue13: After years of practice I have learned that the best way is Gatorade and Tylenol. That was after experimenting with Red Bull and ephedrine, which not only didn’t cure the hangover but kept me up for three days.

Cuse4527: 8. What is 2nd Base?
Tboue13: 2nd Base is copping a feel in the breastal region. There are differences though, over the shirt, under the shirt; bra, no bra. Just make it; it is touching boobs.

Cuse4527: 9. Your fav Maggies memory?
Tboue13: Since most nights at Maggies would lead to blackout states, I will have go with something I can actually remember
Tboue13: cup o shots
Tboue13: I took out three presidents in one day with that
Tboue13: Being an employee you get $2 dollar drinks ,no matter what you get - 16oz plastic cups of mixed drinks, beer or a shot. I realized that you can get a 16oz cup of SoCo-Lime and steal some shot glasses and get 16 shots for the wholesale price of $2 dollars.
Tboue13: It was one of those long drinking days
Tboue13: I was going strong
Tboue13: needless to say Maggies was a bad place

Cuse4527: 10. Can guys and girls be platonic friends?
Tboue13: Yes. But there is always one time in that relationship that either the guy or the girl wanted the other one. Or maybe you even dated or hooked up. If you can work past that and any awkwardness that comes along with it, you can be good friends.

Cuse4527: 11. How would you describe our experience of going to the theatres to see New York Minute
Tboue13: Socially awkward, since it was three guys going to see an Olsen twin movie at 2 in the afternoon on a workday.

Cuse4527: 12. What is your opinion of Michael Jackson
Tboue13: Made some of the greatest songs of all time when he was younger, but now he is just king of the creepy game.
Tboue13: I can't really make any jokes here; they all have been done

Cuse4527: 13. How much Scotch have you consumed in your lifetime?
Tboue13: US or Metric?
Cuse4527: haha
Cuse4527: either
Tboue13: either way it’s a lot

Cuse4527: 14. One Night Stands: Acceptable or Appalling?
Tboue13: Outstanding question
Tboue13: acceptable
Tboue13: if you are not a habitual one night stander

Cuse4527: 15. Any bold predictions for 2005?
Tboue13: For me or mankind?
Cuse4527: either
Tboue13: For me - I will be engaged, Have a new job, and maybe finish my on again, off again novel. I will also start my 1000 day countdown to 30, which will be the last performance by the artist known as Funtommy.

Cuse4527: 16. Brandon v. Dylan?
Tboue13: I like Ryan from the OC. He is a little bit of both. He is the brooding bad boy, but he always does the right thing. Even when he is punching people

Cuse4527: 17. Age and Occupation
Tboue13: 27 / Project Manager for Restaurant Development

Cuse4527: 18. Who is the un-funniest person you know?
Tboue13: Wow
Tboue13: that is tough
Tboue13: I can usually find something funny in everyone
Tboue13: even if it is something they don’t know about
Tboue13: like the way they look

Cuse4527: 19. Your favorite Real World moment of all time
Tboue13: When I hung out with the Seattle cast when they came to 'Cuse and um...partied with them.

Cuse4527: 20. How would you describe me (you can be as vicious as you want)?
Tboue13: Mikey is a good kid and a good friend. He may not be Cool Kid #1 anymore (there is a little girl that now has that title), but there are few people I would rather go out on the town with. We have had some good adventures and there should be more to come as we get older. I am glad he is living in New York City now, although he is destined for warmer weather. He may be one of the only people that I can do socially awkward things with, like going to see New York Minute together or having non-homoerotic OC friend dates. Whenever I open my bar there will always be a seat there for him.

There you go...You can catch more of Tommy at http://tao-of-tommy.blogspot

My take on Katie Couric's "The 411 on Teens and Sex"

2005-01-27T09:13:00.000-05:00

I can only hope that all of you watched this for the highest of high comedy that is 13-15 year old kids talking about sex with Katie Couric.

To start, I told my friend Tyler about this who is on west coast time, so I had already seen it by the time it came on out there, so he gave me a running commentary. Here are some excerpts from his commentary:

ALLmfnDAY: cringeworthy
ALLmfnDAY: oral sex at ridiculously young ages
ALLmfnDAY: BOO YAH
ALLmfnDAY: 6th grade? what the FUCK
ALLmfnDAY: Courtney's a bad girl
ALLmfnDAY: GALEN?
ALLmfnDAY: poor girl from Louis.
ALLmfnDAY: no hanky panky? what the fuck?
ALLmfnDAY: at 15 I had not started puberty, this is ABSURD
ALLmfnDAY: they break down the bases?
ALLmfnDAY: the new 3rd base?
ALLmfnDAY: DAMN
ALLmfnDAY: parents are clueless, take THAT baby boomers
ALLmfnDAY: why do these kids sound so old?
ALLmfnDAY: oral sex AINT dreaded words
ALLmfnDAY: the 411
ALLmfnDAY: JESUS
ALLmfnDAY: oh man
ALLmfnDAY: if couric continues to sit indian style in that chair I'm gonna snap?
ALLmfnDAY: !!!
ALLmfnDAY: "Parent's just dont get it huh gang? who wants a juice box?"
ALLmfnDAY: these kids have got it straight
ALLmfnDAY: "I hope its not that common", from the girl that aint gettin any
ALLmfnDAY: 8th grader droppin knowledge with facts and figures
ALLmfnDAY: 3 wisconsinites?
ALLmfnDAY: bffs?
ALLmfnDAY: EVERYBODY fuckin
ALLmfnDAY: NICE, nobody's eatin sushi
ALLmfnDAY: whats with the dance parties?
ALLmfnDAY: man hoes?
ALLmfnDAY: OH GOD, you can totally tell who's talking from experience and who isn't
ALLmfnDAY: PRICELESS
ALLmfnDAY: Sam and the golf range
ALLmfnDAY: that analogy was a little TOO thourough
ALLmfnDAY: "so then if your wedge is workin, you can stick it near the pin"
ALLmfnDAY: (eyebrows up and down)
ALLmfnDAY: this house would be a fuck PALACE the minute Couric leaves
ALLmfnDAY: poor Danny, AV club superstar
ALLmfnDAY: 4 man abstinence god squad

Yeah, this thing was no joke. I was in tears the whole time I was laughing so hard. No joke they were unveiling the term "hooking up" and "friends with benefits" to everyone over the age of 30 apparently. And, it got really awkward when talking about oral sex. Holy shit. They were asking this girl that was 13 and looked like she was about 10. They also had this 13 year old dude hit the nail on the head when guessing what percentage of kids between 13-16 were having oral sex (12%).

I mean, hearing 14 year olds talk about the benefits of a non-committal relationship was unsane. And, they used the term "Man-Ho" as Tyler alluded to in his commentary.

The craziest shit is they had these set up pool parties at this nice house where they were filming, so just in case you didn't get the idea that this show was about sex, they were going to ram it down your throat with teens in bathing suits. I mean, they might as well just cropped them into the party scenes from Boogie Nights and named someone Dirk.

And, just so you know, there are now apparently "Chastity Clubs" at certain high schools. I am not shitting you. I'm willing to bet JCHS probably is NOT on board with this extracurricular activity.

Anyway, I have to stop writing about this, I am definitely inquiring about getting a copy of that video. Good lord.

Yeesh.

90210 versus The OC

2005-01-26T13:01:00.000-05:00

Here we go, I had to do it. I cannot love my children equally and let's be honest, this situation isn't the equivalent of two children. This situation between the two shows, it's getting to me. I mean, its like a really special girlfriend you had in high school, but you guys broke up when you went to college...then you met another AWESOME girl in college and are still in the relationship to this day, but you are home for break and the old girlfriend and you are at the same bar and you can still feel the connections and the feelings start coming back...and you are debating whether you should hook up with her again.

Now that 90210 is on SOAPnet, good lord. Am I cheating on The OC daily? I know it's ok as long as I maintain The OC's status as #1. I mean, I have the 1st season on DVD, I've watched it a million times, I'm totally devoted to The OC, but now that 90210 is back, sometimes you just get those feelings again.

So I'm going to have to do it. And this choice isn't like Kelly picking "me" when choosing between Dylan and Brandon. Nope, I have to pick. I cannot love these two shows equally. So, without further ado, let's start the evaluation.

So here we go...

Alpha Girl:
This is Marissa versus Kelly. Let me put it this way, Kelly Taylor made the two biggest teenie bopper TV sex icons of the 90s fall for her at the same time in Dylan and Brandon. And, as I referred to earlier in this post, she had the balls to say "me". However, she could. She went through a coke problem, getting raped, joining a cult, getting burned, and trying lesbianism due to that traumatic fire that left her with the burns.

Marissa is way overrated in my opinion. She had all the hype coming into the show and at first I thought she had serious potench. However, she doesn't pull off her character quite as well as Kelly and her on again/off again relationship with Ryan really doesn't do it for me. I am not rooting for them to get back together. On top of that, she has been overshadowed by Summer and Anna, and now they are forcing her into a lesbian relationship with Alex for February sweeps. However, in the show's short life, she has already tried to kill herself with pills, been an alcoholic, and had her mother sleep with her boyfriend. Not a bad start, but she is no Kelly Taylor.

Edge: 90210

Alpha Male:
Biggest debate of the 90s was easy - who do you like, Dylan or Brandon? They both were the alpha males and both pulled it off flawlessly. Brandon was the boy scout, midwestern, always-do-the-right-thing, and overall good guy. Dylan was the brooding bad boy, good at heart, surfer, West Coast for life hunk. So there were two.

Ryan probably was supposed to be the alpha male for The OC, but there are two things holding him back: 1) he's just not that good of an actor and 2) he's not good looking enough. So what happens? Seth steals the whole show. And, because of Seth, the girls that Seth interacts with also steal the show (summer, alex, etc).

Edge: 90210

Supporting Cast:
90210's supporting cast was just average. Outside of Brenda, they really didn't bring too much to the table. I mean, Tori Spelling was part of the cast. Is it a surprise that when Kelly Kapowski came to the show, she nearly stole all the scenes?

This one isn't really close. The OC has parents that actually are a solid part of the story line, Seth is stealing the show, the supporting girls are overshadowing Marissa, and even the temporary cast members have a huge impact like Luke. Plus evil Julie Cooper is funtastic and Caleb Nichol is sensational.

Edge: The OC

Storylines:
Again, not even close. It might be due to the changing times, but I don't care. In 90210 it was a big deal when Brenda lost her virginity at her prom. Are you serious? Dylan drank! Kelly did coke! David Silver did speed! Yeah, no one really cared. Granted they pushed it with Dylan almost dying and Jamie Walters beating Donna, but come on.

Compared to The OC, 90210 can't hold a candle. During the first party scene you immediately see: coke, weed, drinking, half naked girls, a threesome in the bathroom in a hot tub, and Luke cheating on Marissa while Marissa is at the party. And that was the first show.

Edge: The OC

Food Place:
The Peach Pit had Nat. The Crab Shack serves Booze. Booze wins.

Edge: The OC

Music Place:
Well, since the The Bait Shop might just be the set of The Peach Pit After Dark, I'm going to go with the original. I love Alex running The Bait Shop, I have to go with The PPAD, that alley outside had quite a number of pertinent scenes.

Edge: 90210

Guys that are too old to be playing high school kids:
Ian Ziering is 40 years old right now. The dude that plays Ryan on The OC right now is 26. He is older than I am.

Edge: Push

In the end, if I had to choose, I have to go with The OC. People change. I would say the biggest reason why The OC wins for me is the character of Seth. His comic relief and witty banter holds the show together. And, it also shows that The OC can goof on itself which helps out a lot.

90210 was nice while it was around. It's great that it's back on tv as well. But I am happy with where I am right now. The OC, my one true love.

Bruce just took over the #1 Pop Culture Guru spot...

2005-01-24T17:09:00.000-05:00

So I'm AMPED because the pilot of 90210 is on SOAPnet at 5pm. So I start IMing everyone and letting them know. I will write more on 90210 in another post, but I have to give HUGE props to Bruce because he knocked it out of the park when I was talking to him. Here is our IM convo:

Cuse4527: the pilot of 90210 is on SOAPnet right now
BRock4O: nice
Cuse4527: so awkward
Cuse4527: good lord
BRock4O: ha
Cuse4527: and the worst part is I remember it to a T
BRock4O: did brandon get in the hot tub yet w/ that broad yet?
Cuse4527: HA
Cuse4527: YES
Cuse4527: I shit you not it's at that part right now
Cuse4527: holy shit
BRock4O: wow
Cuse4527: that might be the greatest pop culture memory of all time

Seriously, can you believe that? What percentage of people in the world (out of 6 billion) know that info? I'm guessing .000001%.

Just an absolutely amazing recollection. I'm astounded. Kudos to Bruce.

And, if any of you need to brush up on your 90210 info, you better start watching.

Rules for calling me during The OC

2005-01-22T19:49:00.000-05:00

1. No calling for random banter. I don't need you to ask how my day was while I'm focusing on the impactful relationship that is simmering between Lindsay and Ryan. Serisouly, how am I supposed to cope with Marissa's futile attempts to hide her feelings for Ryan while you are asking me what I had for lunch. You want to know what I did today, here is your answer - got drunk with Keira Knightley at an S & M shop. If you don't believe that, then don't ask.

2. Inexperienced OC fans can call with questions, but there are rules. I know I am the pinnacle of OC wisdom and I know with that responsibility comes a duty to help bring along inexperienced OC viewers. So this is the deal. You cannot call until a commercial break. Also, it has to be at the very beginning of the break. You have 10 seconds to ask me ONE question and I will respond. This is non-negotiable. Also, the people that can call me during the show know who they are. Don't have your cousin's boyfriend's crack dealer calling me to ask 'Where is Tate Donovan...he was my FAV!".

3. The OC ends AFTER scenes for next week. Again, this is non-negotiable. Do not call when they are previewing Marissa's dabbling in bisexuality. Especially when it is with the girl from "Skin".

This is all I ask. It isn't much. Please, please follow these rules.

How old is too old for IM?

2005-01-20T11:27:00.000-05:00

My buddy Ryan wanted me to write about this. His contention is that 27 is the age limit for IM. I say that you are never too old to use IM. People think that they will be able to outgrow IM because it isn't integrated into everyday use yet. However, IM is never going to go away. It will become an everyday part of your life. I use it for friends, family, and work.

When do you really think it will end? I mean, come on. You think you will be using it all the time and then you will just stop? No way.

Let's just review what people use IM for:

1. Entertainment. You check out everyone's info. You can also measure the funniness of each person by their info.

2. Regular contact with your buddies. I mean, who wants to talk on the phone, really. IM is way better. Make plans to party like a rock star, it can all be done over IM.

3. Hooking up. I've gone over this already. It's revolutionized the process, especially for college folk.

4. You can also send files and such as well. Geeky stuff. You can finally admit that you want Hanson's "Mmmbop" and I can send it to you.

Seriously, when do you think it will end? My nieces use it everyday and they use it to talk to their Uncle Mike. Granted I freaked when I had my "There is more snow in Cuse than a glass coffee table at a Corey Haim/Corey Feldman party" and they read that. Then they asked about it. Then I told them it was a bad joke and not to tell their mom.

However, the main reason I think it will stick around: anonymity = comfort. What I mean by this is that it is easier to IM someone for the first time than it is to call someone. I have no doubit in my mind that getting people's IM name will take over getting people's phone numbers. How many times have you almost dialed a phone call and then stopped because you were nervous? Yeah, IM takes away a lot of that nervousness.

One drawback for all you cybersex freaks, IM convos can be saved. Most likely, you can get away with phone sex without your partner recording it.

Yeah, I went there. And I know more than one person that have passed out drunk on his or her keyboard with this on the last IM: "Hey, wanna come ovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvv"

You can imagine what 8 hours of passed out v's looks like.

Yet, for that one flaw, there are a million good reasons to use IM.

IM is here to stay, whether you like it or not. You should embrace the IM. Love the IM. Hug the IM.

My Top 5 Pet Peeves

2005-01-18T16:04:00.000-05:00

I mean, why not. The weather is getting colder, skies a little grayer, it's the beginning of the week, so I'm going to do my top 5 pet peeves. These are the things that irk irk irk me. Anywho, here we go...

5. Throw Pillows: Yup, I hate them. They are supposed to be decorative, which maybe they are, but I never heard of Michaelangelo designing throw pillows. And who are you impressing with them anyway? Seriously, are you giving tours of your bedroom to a girl scout troupe or a 7th grade home economics class? Listen, you aren't Martha Stewart and no one cares if you have 30 extra pillows on your bed. These are the extra pillows that are allowed on a bed:

Husband Pillow: Great for reading, sitting up, and general throwing around.

Body Pillow: Great for hugging something to fall asleep. Also, great for applying wrestling moves on. And the end all, be all of pillow fighting pillows.

Stuffed Animals: Yes, these aren't technically pillows, but I know my sisters used to have thousands on their beds. Usually I wouldn't let this slide, but I had a few myself. All manly of course.

Those New Soft Squishy Pillows: You know the ones that are at Brookstone that are really colorful and feel like they are full of soft beads. Very comfy.

4. The Busy Signal: I swear to you I didn't think it was even possible to have this anymore, but I got it the other day. Do you remember how pissed you used to get a while ago when you got the busy signal on a phone call? Multiply that by about 1 million and that is how annoying it is now. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the people reading this have never even heard the busy signal.

3. People who use the term "fingerbanging/fingerblasting": Yeah, I know this is pretty crass, but seriously, I cannot deal. I've heard it multiple times from multiple people and I cannot take it anymore. Again, maybe you've never had to come across this term, but it's the most ridiculous term ever. Granted this is part of a bigger issue of people who talk about "F'ing chicks" all the time, but I streamlined it a bit.

2. Rooms in houses that aren't used for anything: Yeah, much like the throw pillows, these are stupid too. Let me get this straight - you just paid $350,000 for a house, you have 3 kids, and instead of utilizing all the square footage you have, you have a room that is for show. FOR SHOW. Again, who are you impressing with a non-functional room. Let me give you some advice, put a cheap floor in, a large table, and a stereo and you can have yourself a beer pong/flip cups table with music. Or, you can fill the room with bean bag chairs. Or, you can have a "Room of Mattresses" - which, if you think is a crazy idea, it's been done before, by a sorority.

1. The Cold: Yeah, I mean the weather, not the sickness. I lived in upstate NY for 24 years and the cold weather was miz. Awful. People are happy when it's nice out. I mean, let's just try to recap the thoughts someone could be having when deciding where to live:
"Well, I could live where I need to ice luge to work or I could go live near a beach, where it's always warm, and drink daiquaris the whole damn time....hmmm, yup, the cold is just too good."

There you have it. My top 5 pet peeves which changes about every 10 minutes, but this is it for right now.

As I side note, all the evites I've been getting are funtastic.

Addendum to Bar Snuggling

2005-01-16T18:14:00.000-05:00

Joe wanted me to add:

"I like the bar snuggling post, but you have to put in that people go to the club and it doesn't matter if 'I Like Big Butts' is being played by the DJ...You and your bar snuggling partner are making out as if Lionel Richie's 'Endless Love' was playing. It's very funny to watch. Not so funny when it's you."

Start the presses, bar snuggling is coming to a town near you.

New Pop Culture Term - Bar Snuggling

2005-01-15T09:36:00.000-05:00

And it was created by my best friend Joe...in reference to something I was doing...But anyway, we don't have to get into that.

"Bar Snuggling", as coined by Joe, is the act of physical affection between two people at a bar. Whether it be caressing, kissing, hugging, holding hands, petting, or licking...It's all bar snuggling.

So yes, if you are wondering if you have ever done it, the answer is probably yes. You were probably drunk and as mush as you hate PDA, you got a little romantic at the bar, most likely as a precursor to your romp later that night.

Now, you can still be a bar snuggler even if it is with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but it is not nearly as fun to make fun of people when it is their significant other.

However, since you will inevitably fall to bar snuggling at some point in your life, and yes you deserve to get made fun of, it is even better when karma is a bitch and you get to make fun of someone on the comeback tour. Much like Joe made fun of me, you know I enjoyed it ten fold getting him back. And believe me, he deserved it.

And, I've told some people about this term, but I know this is new to a lot of you. So, if you want to use this term, please give credit to Joe Privitere. And, if this term comes up on The OC at some point, with Dylan McKay, well I will finally know for sure that the writers use my blog as a reference for their stories.

So let's review:

You:
-holding hands
-kissing
-hugging
-massaging
-whispering sweet nothings, or at least what you think are sweet nothings when in actuality it is probably something much more distasteful and crass
-caressing
-embarrassing yourself

You are then bar snuggling. You may even be a chronic bar snuggler. You may be a first timer. Either way, you are bar snuggling.

There ya go...Have fun with the bar snuggling, even though I know none of you have ever done it.

Things that make this 25 year old feel old...

2005-01-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah so I'm going to have to finally write it, I'm old. Not in the grand scheme of things, but for the time being, I feel old. I know some people would kill to be 25 again, just like I would kill to be back in college, but I feel I have earned the right to vent a bit. So if you don't mind, and I do not really care if you do, I must elaborate. Please, sit back and enjoy the ride.

Things that make this 25 year old feel old...

- You are the only person in a room that knows the A-Team theme song, let alone what the A-Team was.

- You have a niece who is a freshman in high school. And born in 1990. And has a boyfriend who is a junior.

- If you went to Harry L. Johnson Elementary School and remember the taunting song we used to sing to the kids from Lincoln. "Lincoln stinkin', what you been drinkin..."

- If you went to Syracuse University and remember 44s. There are people who miss Konrad's, if they only knew.

- 90210 was a very prominent fixture in my life, especially the Brenda years.

- When ABC started TGIF

- "Cousin Larry Appleton" and "The Dance of Joy" mean something to you.

- Remembering when Becky Lee typed the lyrics for "Living on a Prayer" for our field trip to Finch Hollow and made a copy for everyone in our class. At the bottom of each sheet, "Lyrics by Bon Jovi, Typed by Becky Lee".

- The 4th Grade Talent Show...and yes I danced to "Ghostbuster's II Rap" by Bobby Brown.

- Back to Syracuse...Maggie's had the following deals: Nickel bud and bud lights on Mondays and $5 all you could drink happy hour...Oh, and Mexican Wednesdays had 25 cent Coronas and Tequila shots. Yeah, read that all again. Think about my partying habits. And yes I'm still alive.

- I remember watching the 1st Real World with Eric Nies, before he was on "The Grind".

- My spike haircut in 4th grade...who knew it would make a comeback.

- I was born in the 70s. Granted it was late in '79, but still.

- I have an ex-girlfriend getting married.

- Make that two ex-girlfriends getting married.

- I've already been married once.

- Ha...Gotcha.

- 1986 was my best Christmas of all time.

- My 10 year reunion is going to be in 2008, which isn't that far away.

- I remember being on an airplane when it was still ok to smoke on one.

- For that matter, when I was little, you could smoke pretty much anywhere you wanted.

- I lived in JC before there was a Wegman's, Toys R Us, and a Taco Bell.

And the final thing...I'm writing a blog entry about how old I am.

Ah well, c'est la vie.

What is the best movie a 90210 star was in?

2005-01-12T22:42:00.000-05:00

That question came up today.It's a great question. Now, it came up that Jason Priestley was in Tombstone, but we aren't going to count that because he wasn't in a high profile role. He had a speaking part, but he wasn't in the main story.

Let's review some of the possibilities:

Luke Perry: 8 Seconds and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy is obv the better movie and is a solid entry. I mean, the movie spawned a tv series and then a spinoff came from that.

Tori Spelling: Scary Movie 2. Also a great entry. Entertaining and pretty surprising since I hated her more than anyone else on 90210. Kudos however to her being on Saved By The Bell.

Jennie Garth: TV movies don't count. This is very disappointing coming from a girl I was in love with.

Notorious B.A.G.: He was in Kickboxer 2: The Road Back, but besides that, see Jennie Garth. Too bad for Brian Austin Green. However, he should be happy he wasn't the one that got killed off the show. The producers probably had a coin flip to see if it were either David or Scott that shot themself.

Jason Priestley: Already dismissing Tombstone, but NOT dismissing Calendar Girl. Solid entry, but it will definitely not be the winner.

Tiffany-Amber Thiessen: Son in Law. Great movie and would have won, BUT...

Shannon Doherty: Mallrats. She wins hands down. Great movie and also an incredible exchange:
Guy: "Brenda?"
Shannon Doherty: "Dick"

Doherty wins. No question about it. Mallrats is the big winner. Let me know what you think the right answer should be.

I Love Evites

2005-01-11T15:54:00.000-05:00

Yup. I Do. It's a serious relationship at this point. How can you not like getting an evite. I mean, when you were little and you got those bday invites, it meant that you were cool. And, since I love reaffirmation of my coolness and I love the ego boost...I love evites.

I think people should start using them more anyway. Obviously they are great for birthdays, going away parties, new year's, etc...but I think they should be used for a regular happy hour. Or, for a saturday night. I mean, why not just use them for meeting for lunch.

Think about how great they are. My friends and I made a collage of pictures of ourself and that was the evite graphic. This accomplishes many things: it shows all the hosts, gets everyone some WWW face time, and is a creative idea that is catchy.

And, the great thing about evites is you get to respond with a "yes", "maybe", and "no" AND you get to write a little message. Now, if it were MY party, I would send out the evite and tell people to reply and if they were funny enough, I would then send them another evite with all the info. Again, this is pretty obnoxious, but I like the concept.

When I respond to an evite, I try to write something short and chuckle-worthy. I want the host to know that I am excited to be coming and that I will boost the entertainment level of the party too. You aren't just getting an attendee when I come, you are getting an opening act. I won't steal the show, but I will warm up the crowd.

Anywho, I'm going to start sending out evites to remind people about watching The OC. It's going to be great. If you want in, let me know, and I will throw you on the evite list.

Awkward Moments on TV -- You Bet

2005-01-04T16:15:00.000-05:00

This is a collaborative effort with my friend Adrianne. She is an upper east side vixen with knee-wobbling beauty, a sly grin, and a spicy side that comes about on the weekends and sometimes Tuesdays. She is 50% angelic, 50% naughty, and 100% unadulterated woman that you cannot say no to.

I'm the king of hating awkward moments on tv but still forcing myself to watch. You know what I mean, there are some serious awkward moments that are even more exaggerated depending on who you are with. Some examples:

If I'm with my mom and am watching a movie and some sort of sexual joke or sexual display comes up, it is incredibly embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing because my mom will be laughing her ass off at the joke. You then hold your breath until it's over...even if it's like 10 minutes long and you're purple.

If there is a couple in which one person has cheated, and both people know this, and on the tv there is a something regarding cheating. You better not laugh or even make a move. Nothing like having cheated on your girl with her best friend and then watching the rerun of 90210 when Dylan and Kelly tell Brenda about their summer affair and impending relationship. While this is going on, you try to look out the corner of your eye without turning your head to see how the other person is reacting.

I've alluded to this before in a previous post kind of, but if you are with a girl and a scene comes on that involves either a) a man beating a woman or b) a rape scene. Awful. Now, even though you obviously find those two acts abhorrent, you are still part of the gender that was committing it. During this, you feel like you are shaking with nervousness, but you aren't in actuality, but you are so self-conscious about it that you make it even worse.

I mean, I also get embarrassed when there is a situation on a tv show where someone knows something, but the other person doesn't, and there is an impending trainwreck. And when the shit hits the fans, I cover my eyes. But I still sneak a quick glance. Seriously, I have trouble watching when Rachel finds out that Ross had sex with that girl when they were on a break.

I know I'm missing some, but this should give you the general idea. I hate, but also love, awkward moments.

Post College Spring Break

2005-01-03T13:44:00.000-05:00

After my 10 day whirlwind tour combined with a new years eve weekend of fun, I realized a few things:

1. My body can't handle the wear and tear. I used to be able to handle a 2 week party and come out of it like gold. Now, I have a few Chardonnays on a Friday and Saturday and I'm laid up for a week.

2. There needs to be a post-college spring break.

Now, I'm not requesting this because I need to party even more, I want this because it's necessary.

Seriously, post-college spring break, The OC, happy hour on Fridays, and a Goodguys' Tike Bar and Grille are all things that need to be around for a good time.

So, now my issue is how to structure the PCSB (Post-College Spring Break). Should it be like college spring break? Should it be in the same locations? Should MTV bring cameras?

Now, my contention is that for the PCSB, Cancun is not the optimal location. Cancun is pretty nutty, you can't really relax, and, if any of the participants have a girlfriend/boyfriend, well, let's just say that it's not the best place to stay faithful.

So, we are looking more at places like Montego Bay or Negril, Jamaica, maybe an Acapulco, maybe even an Iceland.

Also, never stay in the US for spring break, doesn't have the same feel to it.

Now, the next question is when do you take the PCSB? Should it be during the same time as the normal college spring break? Now, even though you might be in a more tame location than a Cancun, you should definitely go during the normal college spring break. There are a few reason here. One, is that it will be more energized and more fun. Also, if you are looking for some romance, be that of the 2 minute variety, 2 hour variety, or 2 day variety, college time is the best time.

Seriously, you people shouldn't be bashful about wanting this. It's ok to have a spring break after college. In all actuality, you deserve it more than the kids that are in college. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed spring break as much as the next guy in college, but post-college people deserve it more.

Now, if we all band together, I'm sure we can start a new phenomenon, the PCSB, and make it a reality tv show as well as a fun-filled vacation.

Class Reunions

2004-12-30T13:00:00.000-05:00

So this is the deal: I was my high school class president and because of that I am responsible for putting together the 10 year reunion. Now, that wouldn't be for a few more years, but I don't know if I really want this responsibility.

Apparently at some schools they do 5 year reunions. You may ask why I didn't try to throw one of those together and the answer is easy: There is a 5 year reunion and it happens at Uncle Tony's in downtown Bingo the night before thanksgiving. Actually there is pretty much a 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 year reunion every year there.

Now, because of the wonders of the Internet, it will prob be easier for me to get in touch with people to help organize this spectacular event.

Much like the prom, do I need to make a theme for this event? Should it be formal? Should it occur at The Knights of Columbus or at a nice hotel? What should be served? What should be expected?

My initial ideas are as follows:

1. Do a 10 year and 5 year mixer. I mean, why not? Has it ever been done before? Who knows.

2. Do a roast-type of event. All those people that were the cool kids, well, now you can get them back. Bring your A-game material and let the insults fly.

3. Have a senior prom reunion. You have to go with your date from your senior prom no matter what. Think about the drama, how great would that be?

4. (Thanks Walsh) An auction to try to make out with the girl/boy that you always wanted to make out with. Do not fret, all proceeds will be directly deposited in the "open bar" fund.

5. Pitch it as a reality TV show to MTV. "10 year reunion: One night, many possibilities". I know that there is already a pseudo reunion show. I'm talking about a one night special. Think about the damage that could be done with a decent budget and a liberal film crew.

There are some ideas, let me know what you think. Also, if you are from JCHS class of '98 send me an email with your info and I will add it to my database.

Michael.Moscardini@gmail.com

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm back

2004-12-29T20:50:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the long absence. My Johnson City whirlwind tour with Joe was pretty much everything I was expecting. After new year's I should be about ready to check into the Betty Ford clinic.

Anywho...I don't have one overarching topic I want to write about right now, but l got some stuff to get off my chest.

Upstate NY sucks. However, I can't get over how much fun I have when I go back home. Johnson City is like an oasis of pleasure in a desert of brooding, grumpy people.

2 movies that you will want to see are:
Kicking and Screaming - This movie is based on the Will Ferrell "bad parent" skit from SNL.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/kicking_and_screaming/

Wedding Crashers - Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn go to weddings to get women. Just watch the trailer.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/newline/wedding_crashers/

Also, if you are a fan of the first or of Johnny Depp, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
http://chocolatefactorymovie.warnerbros.com/

IMDb.com did their top twenty five stars for 2004 and I am very happy to report that Keira Knightley is in the top 5.

Speaking of Keira, my top 5 women as of right now:
5. Natalie Portman (Closer, Garden State)
4. Rachel Bilson (The OC)
3. Samaire Armstrong (The OC, Entourage)
2. Elisha Cuthbert (Girl Next Door, 24, Old School)
1. Keira Knightley (Pirates of the Caribbean)

That's all I got for right now, I will try to post a bunch over the next few days.

Quick Takes

2004-12-16T17:29:00.000-05:00

- Does anyone else hate it when you are typing something on IM and someone else IM's you and you start IMing them and then send a partial sentence that they aren't supposed to be privy to to them? All of a sudden the person that IM'd you gets an IM back like "and he was soooooo embarrassed". Very uncomfortable situation.

- It might be even worse when you are typing to someone and someone else IM's you and you have that "Cuse4527 is typing..." and you realize that you are typing to the wrong IM. HOWEVER, you also realize you don't want to IM with the person that IM'd you and now you know that they know that you are at your computer. What I just wrote may seem crazy, but believe me, it happens.

- I updated my profile because I saw some of you were viewing it. It now has more info on it. Nothing that you wouldn't find on Friendster or The Facebook. And yes, I'm on Friendster and The Facebook. Let's move on.

- The OC is less than 3 hours away...I'm already having cold sweats.

- If you read this and are from JC, I will be back in JC to coincide with Privitere's visit. The two of us are going to be on a whirlwind tour of JC. If I don't live through the trip, I give SweetLoft control to Nate.

I might post some more tonight. I have to do something to kill the time until The OC comes on.

If you use IM to make people jealous, then you need some help.

2004-12-15T13:17:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else ever observed this? Really, it's nuts. People actually use their away messages/profiles to make another guy or girl jealous. This is absolutely insane. What the heck would drive you to posting something like that and letting everyone know that you and a partner are having serious relationship troubles.

Does this really work? Maybe it does. Who knows. But good god are you serious with this? I mean, it doesn't really happen in the real world, at least from what I've witnessed, but in college, it seems that it actually happens quite a bit.

How do you wake up in the morning, turn on your computer, and think to yourself, "I know what will get him/her back, if I write about how much fun I am having without him/her". And then you put an away message with something like:

"Wow, what a night...haven't had one of those in a LONG time"

"I can't wait to go out tonight and make out with some random person"

"Greatest Night Ever...EVER...And I am saying this directly to my ex who I know is reading this and getting insanely jealous which makes me sadistically happy, but I'm a good person"

"I just had a threesome...out of pure spite"

Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely wouldn't want to hear about an ex partaking in these things, but how sad is it?

Anyway, I know this is short, just had to throw my commentary up there. Also, I've updated my profile. I noticed y'all were checking it out so I added some info.

Have a happy hump day everybody and joy to the world.

Spin the Bottle - Why Ever Stop?

2004-12-14T16:04:00.000-05:00

Why do games like Spin the Bottle, 7 Minutes in Heaven, and Never Have I Ever stop being played?

I mean, they almost make more sense for single 20-somethings to play them, don't they? When you're 12 or so, Spin the Bottle is fun, but how much more fun would it be to have it when you grow up?

Can you imagine playing Never Have I Ever when you are 25? Think about it...after a few cocktails, let the truth syrum flow a little bit better, can you imagine the possibilities? I mean, when you are 13, the statements are like, "Never have I ever got to third base". I mean, come on, when you are 25, the game would be scandalous. There would be questions like, "Never have I ever had sex with a married person". Or, "Never have I ever had sex with two different people in one day".

Seriously, can't there be a Spin the Bottle happy hour? Who wouldn't want this? People always are groaning about how breaking the ice or making the first move is the hardest part...well, here you go, this is your solution. I guarantee that if Spin the Bottle Happy Hour ever comes full circle and is the rage it will absolve all worries about making the first move.

In fact, let's make some rules for this Spin the Bottle Happy Hour shall we...

1. Even number of wicked awesome dudes and females of the female variety.
2. The person that thought of playing this ridicidoo awesome game gets to go first
3. The bottle in use will be of an alcoholic nature
4. Before a person spins, he or she has to take a drink or a shot. In my world, there would be a tray of jell-o shots for the game.
5. A person spins and has to kiss the person that is closest to the bottle's cap that is of the sex that person desires.
6. If there is a repeat of two people kissing, they must step it up to the lips.
7. If there is a three-peat, then they must use tongue.
8. If there is a four-peat, you then go to 7 Minutes in Heaven.

Wouldn't this be fun? As long as no one has mono and what happens at "Spin the Bottle Happy Hour" stays at "Spin the Bottle Happy Hour" then there shouldn't be any problems.

2 Sides of the Annoying Guy Syndrome

2004-12-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

Time to tackle a not-really-serious-but-prevalent-issue: The 2 sides of the annoying guy syndrome.

Let's break it down real quick.

Girls are out at the bar, guys hit on them, a lot of those said guys are over-persistent, annoying, and relentless in pursuit. Now, it should be noted, lots of drunk guys will always think they have a chance to go home with a girl literally until she is actually in a vehicle, going home, without him. And even then, he will think that they might be able to hook up later, even if it's 5am.

I do not apologize for these guys. I think it's awful, makes guys look terrible, and they are just inconsiderate and disrespectful. And, I have no problem standing up for a girl who needs some help to get away from these dudes.

HOWEVER, you girls need to do one thing: tell jerk guy to leave you alone. That's it. Once you do that I have no problem dropping everything and helping out a friend in need. Shit, it doesn't even need to be a friend, it can just be a random girl, if there is some ridiculous dude being dumb, I have no problem helping her out. But you have to let him know his presence is not welcome.

Now, I'm not talking about guys that are harrassing/intimidating you. That is just wrong and you do not have to tell them to leave you alone. Once it crosses the line, then it's carte blanche to pepper him with random hard objects and give repeated kicks to the junk.

What I am talking about is this:

Girl: "That guy will NOT leave me alone. He keeps bothering me and will not stop."
Me: "Hey, just hang out with me...Oh, did you tell him that you weren't interested?"
Girl: "Well...he should have just known...I mean, I had to give him my number just to get him to leave me alone"
Me: (Head Explodes)

Let me continue this story the next week...

Girl: "That guy won't stop calling me."
Me: "You gave him your number...when you give someone your phone number that usually means that they are going to use said number and input it into their phone and then call you and attempt to, now get this, speak with you."
Girl: (Stares at me angrily)
Me: "You know I won nicest guy in seventh grade?"

So back to the point - tell them to leave you alone or do not complain. And, if you do tell them to leave you alone, then you, the males of the world, need to move on. There are roughly 3 billion women in the world, if one of them turns you down, you still have a pretty good chance of finding another. I will never understand why guys will try soooooooooo hard just to hook up.

In my opnion, most girls know within five seconds if the potential to hook up with a guy is there. Now, if the guy turns out to be a dick and have an awful personality, well, then the potential goes away. So, guys, girls know pretty quickly if they want to hook up, or at least have the potential to, so your over-the-top desperation act makes you look like a fool. You literally have a better chance if you just go around the bar and ask girls if they will make out with you.

Also, happy holidays to the other half-Italians, half-Jewish folk out there. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

The OC is the greatest TV show ever

2004-12-09T21:47:00.000-05:00

I've been a huge fan of The OC since Day 1. I cannnot get enough of it. If any of you watched it last night, you saw the show reaffirm how it has cemented its place in television's elite. I'm not going to delve into a recap of the show, but good lord it was amazing.

I do want one thing to happen and I'm sure I'm not the first to think of this, but it came to mind - I want Luke Perry to come on the show as Dylan McKay and be Ryan's uncle. Could you believe that? Wouldn't that be like Dylan handing the torch to Ryan?

I mean think of the sheer emotional rollercoaster us mid-twenties people would endure. It would be a bevy of memories coupled with an overwhelming excitement. Good God, it may trump getting married...at least your second marriage. I cannot stress how important 90210 was in my life. And, that vast, lonely expanse is being fulfilled by The OC. It's like if I had two children and they both became President of the United States.

Also, did you notice, that the girl that Ryan went to see after leaving the SnO.C., Lindsay (the new red haired girl), lived in a house with a door that was eerily similar to Dylan McKay's door at his house? Seriously, I'm not even joking about it. My dream is going to come true and they are dropping subtle hints. They are just teasing me.

That was my rant. I heart The OC and I am positive they are bringing back Dylan McKay. You heard it here first folks.

Secret #456456544 - "I Pee My Pants When I Drink"

2004-12-08T22:49:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else seen these female deodorant ads? Anybody? I think it's for Secret or Sure or something, but they are ridiculous. I've seen three and I will try to recap them as accurately as possible.

#1: Red haired girl staring blankly into the camera - "I pretend to have an accent at parties"

#2: Brown haired girl - "I snort when I laugh"

#3: Brown haired girl sitting on floor, looking towards the corner - "I tell a really good dirty joke"

AND, the tagline is something along the lines of "When you're this sure, you don't have any secrets"...or something like that.

This whole thing doesn't really make sense. Let me show you why:

The ad that states that the girl that "tells a really good dirty joke" is not looking like she is thinking or stating that line. She looks like she just had all her furniture repossessed and she has to sit on the floor. She looks more like she is about to cry. It's like they had a grab bag of one liners and a grab bag of photos and just randomly put them together.

So without further ado, I will do my own mix and match.

Secret #65687 : Girl doing jumping jacks in bright pink leotard - "My boyfriend just broke up with me and I'm teetering on the brink of sanity."

Secret #45: Girl flipping off the camera - "I know which of my friends slept with her sister's boyfriend, but I'm not telling until I can use it to my advantage."

Secret #765: Girl holding a dozen roses, smiling - "Why does my boyfriend keep insisting that we include another girl in our sex life?"

Secret #977: Girl laughing hysterically - "Why does my boyfriend keep trying to have anal sex with me?"

Secret #555: Girl giving the thumbs up - "I pray to God that they don't use the footage of me from spring break on the next Girls Gone Wild."

Why even stop with girls. I know it is for a female deodorant, but what the hey.

Secret #223 - Guy doing the Macarena - "My girlfriend has to fake orgasms because I cannot make her climax"

Secret #556 - Guy doing pushups - "I had cyber sex for the first time last night."

Secret #77: Guy smiling - "I cannot believe THAT felt good."

See, advertising, who knew I was good...

Quick Takes

2004-12-05T22:39:00.000-05:00

Some quick thoughts...

-If you choose to speak loudly on your cell phone, I reserve the right to make a snap judgment about you. I heard the following the other day, "He was all over me and ridiculously annoying and wasted at the bar, but he was somewhat good looking, so I'm going to call him next week". Are you serious? I dub you dumb AND shallow...Congrats. Hopefully someday you two reproduce. That kid will be a gem.

- If you want to make out in public, I don't care. However, as a spectator, I reserve the right to heckle, yell, and throw objects at you. It is the only fair trade-off. If I am forced to see you shoving your tongue down some poor girl's throat, I reserve the right to make fun of you as much as I want. AND, and I cannot stress this enough, if it goes FARTHER than 1st base in public, you should be stoned to death.

- Why do people stop playing 'spin the bottle' after 7th grade or so? Seriously, wouldn't it be fun as shit if people still played it when you grew up? Can you imagine during happy hour if a good old fashioned game of 'spin the bottle' busted out? How awesome would that be? It's making out...that doesn't even count. Seriously, we need to bring back 'spin the bottle'.

- New guy in the Times Square station was singing "I Want It That Way". I enjoyed it. I wanted to let you all know that.

- Does everyone else love the bread with the dip in the middle...How amazing is that? Couldn't you just eat it every day? I love it.

- My top 5 non-alcoholic drinks right now are as follows:

5. Strawberry Milk
4. Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows
3. Coffee Cooooooooooooooooolata
2. BIG Mountain Dew
1. Mango Gatorade

- There are two really awkward and genetically correct giant statues in the Time Warner Center on Columbus Square. They are huge and very portly. I'm not one to be shy, but good lord, the "stuff" is literally in your grill.

D-U-N...Done!

What happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun

2004-12-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, have you seen the Vegas commercials where the slogan is "What happens here, stays here"? Well, they finally sold their soul and bit the bullet and finally told it like it is.

Anyway, this phrase is used by EVERYONE way too much. My favorite is when girls use it for spring break going to Cancun or some other vice-laden utopia. Do you really have to put "What happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun...hehehehehe...You know how WE do"

Seriously, seriously??? Do I really have to read this crap. Everyone knows what goes on in Cancun or for spring break for that matter. Just because you made out with 15 guys in 7 days does not mean you have to fish for interest from others regarding your hedonistic trip. And, do you really think what happened will stay in Cancun...Absolutely not. Also, it's really great that the guy with the amazing southern accent from Texas took your number and you are going to "meet up" during the summer, I'm sure he put you on speed dial.

Now, why even stop with Cancun. I mean, if stuff can stop at the Mexican border, let's go even farther with it. Why can't we make this a little more local:

"What happens in Manhattan, stays in Manhattan."

See, that one works. You do what you gots to do in the greatest city in the world and it never leaves the island.

Let's work on some others.

"What happens on 3rd Ave, stays on 3rd Ave." (*This one is not mine and I cannot take credit for it).

This one works, I mean, you have your romantic escapads on 3rd Ave...you go an avenue over, hit Lexington, and you can rid yourself of all indiscretions.

"What happens in Tin Lizzie's, stays in Tin Lizzie's."

This one is good. Maybe you randomly make out with someone, dance on the bar, start a dance circle...But it doesn't matter because it is not leaving that bar.

"What happens in the back of the NYC Public Library, stays in the NYC Public Library"

You get a little kinky and adventurous...all the time you are rocking it out in the 'Art History' section...No way Da Vinci is telling any secrets.

"What happens in the back of the cab, stays in the back of the cab."

You are going home with someone and you two cannot hold out the 35 blocks you have to travel. What do you do? Get it on in the back seat of a yellow cab.

Anyway, "What happens at 10:30 in Queens, stays at 10:30 in Queens".

I'm going to try to post a lot more this week. I will probably have some guest posts as well.

Bye Bye Bye

'Home for Break' hookups..An analysis.

2004-11-26T14:21:00.000-05:00

Being home for these past two nights got me to thinking about something: what is the deal with hooking up with people from high school over a break? I was thinking about this. Now, I am not trying to say that it is bad or good. Whatever makes you happy, go for it. But, for the most part, I don't think you are just doing it to get some physical satisfaction as if you were just hooking up with a person that you may know from work, through a friend, etc.

Think about it. You haven't seen some of these people in years. You really don't know who they have become, not that you need to to hook up with them, but still, they probably aren't the same people that you knew back then. So, you are pretty much hooking up with, in your mind, the person you knew in high school. Seriously, can you honestly say that you aren't hooking up with pretty much the ghost of Christmas 12th grade?

How does a conversation start leading to you going home with them?

Let's say you two may have hooked up once in high school.

Pros: Already have broken the ice, never dated so there was no messy breakup
Cons: Been there done that, not sure that the other person would want to hook up

Let's go to the convo:
Guy: "Hey, I haven't seen you in forever. How have you been?"
Girl: "I know, I've been alright, what's going on with you?"
Guy: "Working, you know. Hey, you know what I was thinking about, that time that we messed around in the library after school. How crazy was that?"
Girl: "Oh my god. I can't believe you remember that. That was nuts. That was so long ago."
Guy: "What are you guys doing after the bars close?"
Girl: "Not sure, wanna do something?"
Guy:"Yeah, definitely"

See...how odd is that? I mean, again, don't get me wrong, but who the F do you think you are going home with? You are literally hooking up based on a romp that occurred more than half a decade ago...And that connection is STILL lasting.

Now, that was with two people that have hooked up before...BUT, what about two people that haven't hooked up?

Pros: Excitement of hooking up with someone that you never have hooked up with before, able to get a 2nd chance at something you wish you did before
Cons: No previous experience so you are starting almost from scratch

Convo:
Girl: "Hey, oh my god, it's so great to see you"
Guy: "I know, how have you been"
(blah, blah, blah...speed ahead a few minutes)
Girl: "You know, I used to have the BIGGEST crush on you in high school."
Guy: "No way...I used to have one on you two. How crazy is that."

Now, for the best one: EX Girlfriend/boyfriend. The mother of all 'home on break' hookups. You've been there before, time has healed all wounds, you know what to expect, you do not have to lay any groundwork, and you are only in town for a short few, but hopefully pleasureable, days.

Pros: You know EVERYTHING about the other person
Cons: You know EVERYTHING about the other perosn

Convo:
Guy: "Hey, how have you been? How are your parents/sisters/brothers/grandparents?"
Girl: "They are great. My mom still asks about you once in a while. She absolutely loved you you know?"
Guy: "Your parents were very nice to me. So what are you guys up to?"
Girl: "Enjoying the ridiculousness that is Thanksgiving eve like every other person from JC"
Guy: "I hear that. You know, I stumbled across a note you wrote to me in 12th grade. It was really funny."
Girl: "No way. Haha, I used to always write you notes. "
Guy: "Yeah, sometimes they were x-rated."
Girl: "You wish...ok, maybe one or two. But I had good reason. We were having some fun times"

Now, this is the most understandable one because it is so easy and the comfort level is already there. Now, this can go absolutely perfect. However, something can also go wrong. Let's speed ahead a few hours. We are now in the midst of the hook up:

Guy (Thinking to himself): "Oh man, this is great...wait a second, she did NOT do that when I was with her. "
Girl (Thinking to herself): "You would think he would've gotten somewhat better over time at this."

That can be the bad side. Alright, maybe it can get a little worse:

Guy (Thinking to himself): "I love her. I want to get married to her. I thought I was over her. Oh boy. Maybe we can get something started again."
Girl (Thinking to herself): "Well, that was fun. This doesn't count as cheating on my boyfriend Skip from college. Whatever. Skip still thinks he is 'The best I've ever had', what an idiot."

Ah well. If you are reading this and had a T-Day Break Hook-up, congratulations.

Happy Thanksgiving (and other musings)

2004-11-25T10:02:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Sweet Loft fans out there.

Some quick takes...

- Downtown Bingo was nuts last night. Great to see everybody. As much as I knock it, State Street is a good time.

- I am really looking forward to cranberry sauce. I don't know why, I just am.

- It is NOT ok to play Christmas songs prior to the day after Thanksgiving. In my drive to upstate, I heard repeated Christmas songs. I cannot handle "Little Drummer Boy" before Black Friday.

- Nothing like gridlock trying to get out of NYC!

- And then more gridlock in Jersey!

- And then some of the worst fog of all time in PA!

- I just thought about it and I am now looking forward to mashed potatoes and gravy.

- My buddy Lewis is in 80 degree weather right now...why doesn't everybody live in Florida?

- Why do we still have daylight savings time. I'm not a guru on this topic, but I am pretty sure that farming isn't driving our economy anymore. That's the reason they started it in the first place, correct? Seriously, I can't deal with 4pm dusk.

- Raven-Symone is performing right now in The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. On the Build-A-Bear Float of all things. What the F ever happened to her being Olivia on The Cosby Show. How old am I?

- Mmmmmmmmmmmm...sweet potato.

- Have you seen the Sony commercial with Los Lobos singing "I Walk the Line". Anyone? Anyone?

Alright, I might post again, later today. I'm not sure. Have a great Thanksgiving and good luck dealing with your family.

How do you name a new IM Buddy Group?

2004-11-23T22:20:00.000-05:00

I came across this problem today. I've known Becky forever and I've had her in the JC group within my buddy list. However, because of her, I have met Liz and then Adrianne. Now, the three of them are always together when we go out, so I had to put Liz and Adrianne next to Becky in my list. Now, I was thinking of starting a NYC group, but that could branch out into a bazillion people.

So, I IM'd Adrianne. Quick Recap of the IM convo:

Me: I need a buddy list group name for you, Becky, and Liz.
Adrianne: hmm...UES Divas?
Me: Absolutely...I LOVE IT.

That got me to thinking. I need a huge makeover of my IM group names. No way can I keep it going with what I've got. I need something new. So, I've decided to throw people in new groups. This is how I'm going to breakdown my new groups...at least what I think I'm going to do.

Guys that were or are in my fraternity: FratBoyRific

Other SU People (males): 2Dudes

Other SU People (females): Day6nMaggies

JC Friends: CapitalOfTheUniverse

Joe (and me): Goodguys (Inside Thing...You have little chance of getting this one)

Becky, Liz, and Adrianne: UES Divas (Thank you Adrianne)

Mothers: Moms (big shoutout to Mrs. Haun, I will remember your birthday one of these days. If you are reading this and know her, please tell her I said hi)

Family: Royal Fam

Dena and Mucci: Hot Theta Chicks (This one might get changed to "Baby, baby...please, baby, baby OR Dena Bistro OR Dena Gratuity Included)

Bruce, Lewis, and Arden: QB's Finest (I can't take credit for this one, this is all Bruce)

Udo: Udo

This will definitely be a work in progress. If you want, comment to this with some of your buddy list group names.

Also, on a side note, if you guys enjoy my blog and send me an IM letting me know, I might ask if it's ok to publish it for a post. I'm trying to assemble a post with supportive IMs. I saved a few when I remembered, so it is coming along slowly. And, if this seems like a cheap play for a boost in my self-esteem...it is. Anyway, just send me a shout and I will throw them up there one of these days.

Thanksgiving IS copious amounts of food, drinking, and uncomfortable and unnecessary conversation

2004-11-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I am a huge Thanksgiving fan. I love the food, the beginning of the "Holiday Season", the football, and the inevitable afternoon nap. However, the night before Thanksgiving is a huge party night. Arguably the 2nd biggest party night besides New Year's, especially in NYC.

However, like many people, I will be going home. Back to good ol' JC and experiencing the night before Thanksgiving in downtown Bingo. Probably at Uncle Tony's for Mug Night. Anywho, and I know I am not the only person that experiences this, the awkard conversations you have with people that you hardly know and are, at most, barely acquaintances with are awful. I'm not talking about the conversations with old friends, that is different. I enjoy reminiscing with my friends from high school. What I am talking about is people that you really weren't friends with that are apparently very interested in what you've been up to for the past 6 years.

Can anyone answer me why these conversations have to occur? Let's give an example of what I'm talking about. I will use myself and a fictitious character, let's use the name Gerardo.

Gerardo: "Holy crap Mike, I haven't seen you in years. How the hell are you?"

Me: "I'm alright. Working in NYC, got my Master's Degree last May from SU. Hanging in there."

Gerardo: "Nice...I'm now 8'4", have eight kids, been arrested twice, met the Pope, made out with a sheep, blah blah blah" (Well, that's not exactly what they say, but for all intensive purposes, it might as well be because of how little I care)

Me: "Oh wow...that's cool. Congrats on that."

Gerardo: "So what else is going on?"

Me: "Not much else really. I pretty much surmised everything that I would ever divulge to you in that first sentence. But thanks for giving it a second chance, I really appreciate this awkwardness that is never-ending and you stealing the precious time I relish when I'm hanging out with friends I hardly ever get to see."

Gerardo: "What was that? They are blasting "Living On a Prayer", I couldn't hear what you said."

Me: "I just said it was great to see everybody again and catch up."

Gerardo: "I know, it is SO great."

Me: "Well, I've got to get a beer/go to the bathroom/hang out with people I actually give a shit about/count sheep/inflict pain on myself to deal with your annoyance/run away from you as fast as possible and hope you don't follow."

This conversation just sucks. I will now use a real example that happened with my friend Nate and how he handled it in a similar situation:

The premise: Nate was in NYC with a friend and went to a bar where he ran into someone from college that he knew, but was not friends with.

Guy: "Hey"
Nate: "Hey"
Guy: "How have you been? What are you up to n--"
Nate: (Cutting him off) "We really don't need to do this. You don't care and I really don't care."
Guy: "Yeah, you're right."
Nate: "Later"

See! Perfect execution. Nate is a genius -- literally. He is in MENSA. Everyone should use Nate as a guide in how to deal with this issue.

You follow this advice and you will have a SUPERB Turkey Day Break.

Real Life versus College Life

2004-11-21T23:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is something that I have always harped on, starting during my tenure in school. College life is not real life. Not at all. I'm talking about items that occur within the college environment. If you have a grandmother that dies while you are in college, that is obviously very real and very difficult to deal with, but that is not what I am talking about. I am purely speaking of things that happen within the college world. I will now do a comparison to show you what I mean.

Nights per week you go out:

Real Life: Twice...maybe. If you work a regular work week, you might go out on Friday afterwards and you probably go out on Saturday, that is if you are relatively young. MAYBE, you go out one night during the week if there is a function or an event.

College: 4 nights a week. Obviously you go out Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then there is always an extra day in there for some type of party, formal, semi-formal, or you are just bored.

What you do if you don't feel like getting up in the morning:

Real Life: You go to work. Seriously, you get up ass early and go to work. Hopefully, like me, you can have unlimited amounts of coffee. But you go to work.

College: Your alarm goes off. You roll over. You turn it off. And you sleep through your classes. Your reasoning is one of the following: 1. You went on tuesday, you definitely don't need to go on Thursday. 2. You seriously just don't feel like it. 3. Can't Hardly Wait is on tv. 4. There is someone lying next to you and you aren't really sure who they are or how they got there. 5. All the information is in the book anyway.

What is a serious relationship:

Real Life: You spend lots of time together. Eventually you might move in together. Marriage is probably in the back of your mind.

College: You are hooking up with someone...sober. That's it. If you hook up with someone sober in college you are in a serious relationship. If you drunkenly hook up with the same person more than once a week, you are in a regular relationship. If you are in college, ask yourself, when is the last time you hooked up sober. Seriously, can you remember? And, it doesn't count that you did the hibbidy dibbidy with your ex from high school during Thanksgiving break sober.

What is a rough week:

Real Life: Working late every night to hit a project deadline the same week that you have to pay all your bills. Also, having to deal with a less-than-stellar MTA getting you to work day after day.

College: You have TWO tests AND a paper due. Holy shit, what are you going to do? How can they possibly expect me to do all this work AND still have a life? Seriously, they are so unfair...and I have to get all this done so I can go to my formal. Oh my God. What am I going to do?

What you look forward to at the end of the week:

Real Life: Sleep. One fun night out. Sleep. Sleep. Maybe another fun night out. And, maybe if you are drunk enough, experiencing a night at Tin Lizzie's.

College: Drinking to the point of passing out. Hooking up with someone. Maybe hooking up with someone else later that same day. A big Mountain Dew from Kimmel. If you live near Gleason, then drinking his Gatorades when you wake up hungover.

What you complain about:

Real Life: Whatever you want because you are in the real world. For example, "I need to save some money because I have to pay my rent and my phone bill next week".

College: Whatever you want because you think whatever is going on is an actual problem. For example, "I can't believe that girl didn't hook up with me. I talked to her last night on IM for THREE hours. Oh my God. What am I going to do? I'm going to go do four funnels and drink some tequilla. How am I ever going to deal."

See...College life is not real life. When the hardest part of your week is getting a 5-page paper done, than you do not have a hard week. I once wrote a 5-page paper in 45 minutes and got an 'A'. It isn't hard. At one point I skipped a week of classes to watch Can't Hardly Wait for 7 consecutive days with Nate and Walsh.

Have fun in college, all of us in the real world would kill to be back there. Stop your bitching and enjoy it. And if you are using IM as your main romance tool, well, you deserve that girl blowing you off.

Just a side note, I'll try to post a bunch this week. Let me know if you are reading my blog and I will send you an IM when I write a new post.

Guest Post Reality Bites

2004-11-17T20:19:00.000-05:00

Because I have heard from some female readers that my blog is slightly tilted towards the male perspective, I am giving my friend Gab a forum to vent and rebut. I'm an equal opportunity blog-guest poster-blogger-guy-thingy. You know what I mean. So, without further ado, here ye go.

Ah the theta chi posse. Responsible for many Tanto dances, Mind-Eraser-induced drunken hazes, and Syracuse legends. You are a clever bunch although completely devoid of accountability for your sometimes inaccurate ramblings. I'm here to as Ethan would say, "keep things in check". Since you boys claim originality as the star of your comedic universe, but rarely comment on anything original, you have left a void that I must fill. I am not claiming originality. I am however claiming innovation. For the first time on Sweet Loft there will be a perspective that is female, one that stings back, one that reflects Mikey's sense of fairness to all perspectives, his diplomacy, and his ability to laugh at himself......and you.

Let me start by saying that the Tao of Tommy and his theory girl are plagued with problems. You are a poor ethnographer when the first premise of your theory is clearly false. Ask, observe, read, and you will come up with no shortage of ammunition to prove that indeed the theory applies to men. The only difference being that there is usually not one, but four theory guys in a group of five men. They are the men you must put up with to talk to that one, cute friend who has inevitably not learned that famed psychological group principle: the uglier your friends are, the uglier you look. Look it up boys it's in your psych 205 book from freshman year. Or since you're reading Mikey's blog and clearly spend too much time on the internet, google it. Looks like you got the short end of that theory.

A little advice, stop doing comedic anthropological work on women, the flip side of any theory like that is going to have worse implications for men. The result of having four theory guys to every hot guy? Those girls across the room glancing at you every thirty seconds, who you think you're flirting with wish you would move so they can get a better look at your hot friend with the body. And I'm betting most of them aren't gonna take one for the team, chicks don't work in teams, it's every girl for herself. We don't make competitive rules cause we won't stick to them.

Maybe for now I'll leave it at that, see if you can swallow a little friendly combat. I'm sure I'll get a fight, I'm counting on it.

Yes, You CAN Go home again...

2004-11-16T21:15:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here is a big college conundrum that really shouldn't be all that complicated. And, it does extend to the real world, probably not as prevently, but still applicable.

If you hook up with someone (not a boyfriend/girlfriend or a person who is really your boyfriend/girlfriend but you refuse to admit it) what time do you go home?

People think this is subjective. It is not. There is an answer and it is in The Bible. Ok, I made the last part up. However, here is your answer: When your eyes open, it is time to go home. PERIOD.

Now, I'm not saying you should be insensitve and absolutely abandom the person that was partners with you in your drunken debacle of pleasure, but you do need to go home. Maybe gently shake them and let them know, maybe leave a note, shit I don't care, you can even write an F'n haiku for all I care, but you have to go.

Let's use some examples (I will use the names Boy and Girl to represent the boy and girl):

The situation: Boy and girl go back to girl's place from the bar. They had some fun, it is now 7am.

The Wrong Thing:

Boy: Wakes up, has hangover, remembers where he is... and thinks to himself, "Oh god, I feel like shit, I'm just going to shut my eyes and sleep a little bit longer. She definitely won't mind. I'm just so tired."

Girl: Realizes boy woke up and did not go home...thinks to herself, "What the motherFing crap is this. Go the fuck home, just go home. Do you know how much I fucking hate sharing my bed. Why did you even have to stay over? Couldn't you have just gone home when we were done? Since I woke up about every 10 seconds last night because of your snoring/groping/tossing, I need to get 8 hours of actual sleep once you leave. Do you think I could kill him and dump his body and get away with it? He needs to put on some underwear. Sweet God, what did I do?"

The Right Thing:

Boy: Wakes up, has hangover, remembers where he is... and thinks to himself, "Man, what a fucking night. Alright, I got to get going. Holy shit, I am real naked. Where the F are my pants? Ok, I'm going to gather my clothes, take a deep breath, and do the walk of shame, and stop and get a breakfast sandwich and some OJ on the way. I'll just nudge her and let her know that I'm leaving. I'm sure I woke her up anyway. What a good guy I am. I'll IM her later this week and I'm sure we will joke about how drunk we both were. Good times though."

Girl: Realizes boy is going home... "What a guy. He knows what's up. It was definitely worth having a shitty night of sleeping, we had a good time. Next time I will definitely go all the way with him. I'll give him a ring when I'm drunk next thursday."

SEE -- there is no question about what to do. I just scientifically proved that you need to go home. Now I know that there are certain situations where the person cannot just go home (too far, too dangerous, etc), that is not what I'm talking about. What I am talking about is when you CAN and DO go home.

And yes, you can go home again. And again. And again.

The Jimmy Burger

2004-11-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

Alright, Becky's dad is an amazing cook. And a great guy to boot. There has been a legend that has grown and has now reached such a pinnacle, that it's place in the pantheon for "Rumor's about things that may or may not be true" has reached a "Did Lindsey Lohan get a boob job" level.

The Jimmy Burger was a dish that was inspired by and created for Jimmy Colgan, hence the name The Jimmy Burger.

Now, there have only been 7 people in the whole world who have consumed this famed burger and there is good reason why it is so few. I will now break down the process for y'all.

1. You have to be nominated by someone who has already done this feat. There is a catch however. Have you guys seen Donnie Brasco? If I nominate someone, that person is a friend of mine. Said person is not a friend of ours. So, if said person does not complete the task at hand I am forever scorned and banished from the Jimmy Burger Secret Society. I also have to wear a Scarlet "A" and call myself Hester. But you know, it's not that bad.

2. You have to pass an oral exam given by Becky's father. There is no set limit regarding length, topics covered, passing grade. It is very subjective. In other words -- good luck.

3. You have to consume all the contents of the Jimmy Burger and you cannot throw up. Sorry, this shit ain't for the faint of heart. The Jimmy Burger is comprised of the following:

2.5 lbs. of beef
1/2 loaf of Italian Bread
cheese
bacon
peppers
onions

Also, you only get one shot. If you fail, you never get another chance, kind of like Heaven... HEY O.

There are currently 7 members in the Jimmy Burger Secret Society. And without further ado, here they are:

Scotty Blue: Repped the Dirty Dirty and Hotlanta very well. Slow and steady wins the race and Blue, although taking a long time, never changed his pace. The toughest part for Blue -- the vegetables. He is a meat and 'tatoes guy through and through.

Scotty Lew: First person to eat the burger outdoors and first person to have a drunken stranger say this, "Holy shit, is that a bass?" while eating the Jimmy Burger.

Me: God himself would not have stopped me from finishing this burger. I would never disgrace Mr. Lee like that. I can wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and I am damn proud.

Kyle: The nicest kid I've ever met. If you don't like Kyle, you probably hang out with Hitler or Pol Pot. Kyle finished with ease, an impressive time, all the while holding himself to a level of class and dignity which parallels Sean Connery as 007.

Mikey Privitere: Pound for pound the greatest eater of all time.

Joe Privitere: If I ever make millions in my life, it will be because I wrote a book about my best friend Joe. He will eventually get a post that will knock your socks off.

Jimmy: Jimmy has finished the Jimmy Burger in 5 minutes. Read that last statement again. Now read it again. I know, amazing, right?

There is one more catch: You have to drink Rolling Rock with the Jimmy Burger. You cannot have anything else to drink. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you may get your shot.

Where Do You Sleep?

2004-11-10T23:29:00.000-05:00

After watching The Daily Show tonight and hearing the topic about boyfriends and girlfriends sleeping in the same room when they go to one of the person's home, I had a thought:

If parents wanted to "be cool" by allowing their kids to have their boyfriends/girlfriends stay in the same room and still make sure that none of the hibbidy-dibbidy occurred, I have a solution: keep a single bed in their room, especially if it is one from their childhood.

Think about it. If I'm a guy and going home with my girlfriend from college for the weekend and my parents allow me to have her sleep in my room, I'm not agreeing if I got a racecar bed that could barely fit an oompa-loompa, let alone two fully grown people.

Think about it. No way you agree. Who wouldn't take the futon? Even if it was just a plain single bed, who the F wants to sleep with someone else in that? You know what I mean if you ever lived in a dorm room. There is absolutely no room for two people.

Can you imagine the conversation turning from bad to worse?

Midnight-ish...

Girlfriend: "Your parents are so cool for letting us stay in the room together."
Boyfriend: "Yeah, I know, I was really surprised that they let us. I know the bed is small, but it will be ok."
Girlfriend: "Yeah, we can cuddle, it will be great."
Boyfriend: "Definitely"

12:15-ish...

Girlfriend: "Umm...Can you just move a little bit...thanks."
Boyfriend: "Sorry...Can I just move my arm a little bit."

12:30-ish...

Girlfriend: "I need some room, you are hanging all over me and you just groped me while pretending to be sleeping"
Boyfriend: "I wasn't groping you, I was trying to wake you up so I could move my numb, lifeless arm from under you."

Ok, I should end it there...nah, I'll put the final touches on...

1-ish...

Girlfriend: "I fucking hate you, I've cheated on you twice, you are NOT good in bed, and remember the number of people I've "been with", add about 10 to that and that is a little closer to being accurate"
Boyfriend: "That's ok, I cheated on you with your best friend, passed out once while we were hooking up, and I think about other girl's when we are having sex."

See, bad things. And it all starts with limited sleeping quarters. Ah well. Just my two cents. And just so you know, racecar beds can be cool. Not that I had one or anything.

Let's be honest about Instant Messenger

2004-11-07T21:06:00.000-05:00

And when I say Instant Messenger, I mean AIM. I don't use Yahoo!'s one or MSN's one.

You people need to put entertaining stuff in your profiles and away messages. If you don't think people are checking your info, you are dead wrong. I check EVERYONE'S info that is on my buddy list. Not only that, I have people that I haven't talked to in years on my buddy list -- and I still check their info.

Also, I will check the same person's info every few minutes, too. I know, I probably need professional help for this addiction, but I can't help it.

However, I don't need to see "I am away from my computer right now." or "not here". Also, and this was brought to my attention by my friend Josh Oryhon, the IM PDA needs to stop. I don't need to read "Love you 4ever" or "Miss you SOOOOOOOOOO much already and its only been five minutes since you left" or "Thanks for saying 'I Love You' (even though it was only our second date, I knew it too) and divulging to me that you were a virgin (so cute that you waited this long for the right person) -- it made our first time so much more meaningful".

Also, let's try something and give me some feedback. IM someone that you haven't talked to in years that is on your buddy list and see what happens. I know I'm not the only one with people on my list that you don't talk to frequently.

My name is Mike and I am an IM-aholic.

Quick Takes

2004-11-07T19:33:00.000-05:00

Some random thoughts that have crossed my mind recently.

I will NEVER run for 26.2 miles straight as many a person did today for the NYC Marathon. I have run 5 miles straight on a treadmill, listening to Gretchen Wilson, and doing some people-watching , but never will I run for 26.2 miles. What the hell do you think of? Especially when there are thousands of people watching on the street drinking and partying like it's mardi gras. Nothing like thinking to yourself, "I'm going through some of the most intense mental, emotional, and physical agony, I still have 15 miles to go, I'm trying to keep my concentration, and that guy is doing a body shot off a half naked girl on the corner of 86th and 1st -- but at least they are cheering for me".

There is no drink that should cost $15, I don't care if it's Johnny Blue sprinkled with cocaine. Unless I'm drinking from the Fountain of Youth, getting served by Ponce DeLeon himself, with the cast of Chicago performing "Cell Block Tango" for me, I am NOT going to ever pay $15 for a drink. Or, unless I become rich. Then I'll probably have no problem with it.

I submit that the best hangover cure is two Advil, a 32 ounce Mango Electrico Gatorade, and an egg, cheese, and bacon breakfast sandwich on a toasted pumpernickel bagel. Coming in a close second - death. A distant third place - hardcore drugs.

Has anyone else ever woken up with a numb arm and then had to slam it against the wall to get the feeling back? No? Anyone? Me either. Seriously though, it's scary feeling when you have to find your arm in the middle of the night because it's numb.

The short Indian guy that sings in the main atrium of the Times Square subway stop is my favorite street performer. When you are tired and on your way to work, there is no better pick-me-up than hearing him belt out a stirring rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" at 9:30am. A quick note, I am creeped out by the two people sitting in chairs with the sign that says "Talk To Me". People talk to them, it's amazing. Do they tip them? What the hell warrants them being able to do this? I'm going to make a sign that says "25 cents and I will tell you the time". I think that could work. I think I'm going to investigate the "Talk To Me" people.

There is no way to become an honorary member of the Ibo Tribe from Nigeria. I've asked Udo, I even offered to take a knife to myself a la Kevin Bacon when he was recruiting Saleh from the Wisabi Tribe in "The Air Up There", no dice.

Sorry for not posting as frequently, I'm going to try to do another one by the end of the night.

The Tao of Tommy

2004-11-06T17:23:00.000-05:00

The Tao of Tommy is a guest column written by my friend Tommy.

Diary of Losing Candidate

On the heals of another ridiculously close election and a seemingly tangible derisive line being drawn across the topography of the US, I decided it was time to offer a little insight into the mindset of the losing candidate.

MAY 1995

It was end of my Junior Year at PHS, and I was running for President of the Student Government. Obviously a highly coveted position, I was running my campaign to perfection. I had a crack staff helping me put my colorful posters all across the designated campaign areas. I had my volunteers working around the clock helping me put together a platform that I could be proud to run on. You know issues like: getting the vending machines turned on a little earlier for the kids who had 8th period study (myself), the designated student smoking section (talk about a hot button issue – we had one and then it was taken away, this is what got the kids interested in politics), raising more money through class effort to have better functions like the Prom.

This election was going to be a cakewalk. I had friends across the board in all the high school cliques. I was a friend of the smart kids, the top 20%, because I had class with them. I was a friend of the jocks because I was Varsity letterman for 4 years in various sports. I was a friend of the band and the drama department because I used to play the saxophone (like slick Willy). I was a friend of the kids who just partied all the time, because those were the people I hung out with.

Then my campaign bandwagon was crashed into a row of lockers. My opponent was a very likable fellow, not unlike our current president, named Joey G. He was a good kid and knew a bunch of people, but it was his ability to connect to the lazy and dumb kids (again not unlike our current president) that was my undoing. I was able to carry my blue states on the backs of the educated (smart kids), the gay vote (the band and drama department), and part of the undecided (the jocks and the party kids). Joey G, with his likable, hard working persona, was able to carry his red states (the lazy and dumb kids) and eek out the closest decided election in my school’s history. I was devastated.

SEPTEMBER 1995

In the beginning of my senior year of high school, I was relegated to being just a Senator again on the Student Government. We all had special committees that we were part of and I happened to be the chairperson of the Election Committee. I was still bitter about my loss for presidency and decided to take matters into my own hands. With a pretty equal split in the student government between the red states and the blue states – I needed to make a move to take control of the government secretly.

In the fall there are freshmen elections for 6 open spots in the senate. This particular September also happened to be my sister’s first year in high school. And her friends were younger siblings of all my friends, who were all in the Senate. There were 6 spots open in the senate and I need to get at least 4 people in that I knew to take control of the majority for voting purposes. And that’s when the fix was in. Now I can’t say that I am proud of this, but it was pretty damn impressive. It was run more flawlessly then my campaign and I made the greatest coup in power my school has ever known (or not known).

THE OPERATION

Secrecy was the most important issue in this previously decided Election, so I kept this to a two-person operation. Here is how it all went down. Every person in our school had to take English all four years – so that is the class that elections took place in. The elections last over the entire day and are completed on a Scan-Tron system for easy calculating. Attendance for the day was always done in Homeroom, which occurred right after 1st period. So my helper in this operation happened to collect the attendance every morning in the English wing, and just because she was nice she offered to take the ballots as well.

I awaited my partner in hallway with envelopes containing several hundred randomly filled out ballots, which would favor the people I wanted in office. Having access to the class counts – I was able to generate these envelopes at 100% class numbers. My partner knowing how many absentees there were that day (by collecting the attendance) was able to tell me how many ballots I needed to lose in each of the envelopes to cover our tracks. Then there was a clever little switch that took place in my bag as I was handed the official ballot envelopes and replacing them with the fake ballot envelopes. Having my partner take the official ballots at lunchtime and going off campus to burn them, there was no evidence left. The fix was in and I was happy (and a possible political career awaits).

If you can take anything from this story it’s this; just because John Kerry lost this election does not mean that he is defeated. Senators wield great power and individuals can make a big difference in politics even when they are not at the helm. My story is a testament to that, even though the biggest issue back then was who you were going to prom with.

The Tao of Tommy

2004-11-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

The Tao of Tommy is a weekly guest column written by my friend Tommy.

New York Stories

I am starting a new feature here where occasionally I will resort to my East Coast Bias and talk about how great, quirky, and interesting NYC is.

The Subway System

With the subway system celebrating its century birthday this year, I would like to pay homage to the great transportation system of New York. Where else can you see girls pole dancing, drunk people – fighting, passed out or making out, panhandlers with their elaborate schemes, people on their way to work, kids selling candy for their basketball team, lazy bicycle messengers, and just downright crazy people all in one place at one time? I can’t even begin to comprehend the amount of stories that transpire over these rails, but I can tell you that the subway infuriates and marvels people at the same time.

The subway system has definitely gone through some rough times, from gang violence with the likes of Bernie Goetz and the Warriors, to the MTA funding fiasco of the last several years. Through all these minor inconveniences, you know money and killings; the subway has remained the backbone of this city, transporting people to and from work everyday. That is except when it rains too hard, because then the subways close for some reason. Besides that, the only problem now on the subway is the fear of the guy doing the robot pushing you on to the tracks (You know you have a contingency plan for this very scenario – you are not a New Yorker if you don’t). That and the incessant banging from the bongo (by bongos I mean garbage cans) player at 8AM in the morning when you have a slight hangover. Then expecting you to give him some change when your head is still pulsating like the neon sign from the bar you spent 5 of the last 8 hours. Guess what buddy? My one year old nephew does the same thing, now shut up or I am kicking your tip hat on to the tracks next to the guy that was pushed in from the robot performer.

The system is truly a remarkable feat of human ingenuity and the rails tell a rich story of the history of NYC. If you have an interesting subway story or experience like a “Sliding Doors” or “Warriors” – let me know.

Movie Pick 'Em Inaugural Post

2004-10-31T18:12:00.000-05:00

New Weekly Column. Here's the idea: It's a cross between Ebert & Roeper and Football Pick 'Em. I will guess whether a movie will be good or not. I will be specific between classically "good" and "Mike thinks Legally Blond should have won an Oscar-Good". I will also have a rating system and I will guess how much money it will make opening weekend. Also of note, all my information will come from www.imdb.com for the movies and www.xe.com for the currency information.

So without further ado...

Movies that are opening this upcoming Friday, November 5th.

Movie: The Incredibles
Cartoons do well because little kids can enjoy it and the adult humor flies over their heads right to the funny bone of their parents, who appreciate that there is at least something included for them. I think this movie will be entertaining, solid, well made, but not amazing.

Mikey Likes It Rating Analogy Guess: If The Incredibles were a character on "Saved By The Bell", it would be Screech Powers - funny, goofy, comic relief, the fall guy, but no Zack Morris.

Opening Weekend $$$: 3,127,246,537.75 Portugal Escudos

Movie: Alfie
I really like Jude Law and his movies. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say this one will be good too.

Mikey Likes It Rating Analogy Guess: If Alfie was one of Brandon Walsh's girlfriends on 90210 it would be Nikki Witt - great for the time being, you know it's not ever-lasting, and Brandon will get to beat up her ex-boyfriend (whoa, just had a flash back).

Opening Weekend $$$: 118,006,017.17 Austria Schillings

Movie: Fade to Black
This is Jay-Z's documentary or something. I like Jay-Z, but I'm not sure if this will be an advertisement for Jay-Z just to sell some records or if it will be an informative, introspective piece of work. My guess is 75% the prior, 25% the latter.

Mikey Likes It Rating Analogy Guess:If Fade to Black was an American Idol contestant, it would be Ryan Starr - had some potential, not bad from time to time, definitely not going to win it all, and definitely will be seeking some other forum to make some money.

Opening Weekend $$$: 78,511,517.67 Czech Republic Koruny

Movies: It's All About Love
Claire Danes was in "My So-Called Life" on MTV. I liked it I think. Whatever.

Mikey Likes It Rating Analogy Guess: If It's All About Love was a reality show, it would be "One Bad Trip" - you watch it if you stumble upon it. And you get creeped out when people's parents are watching their daughter have some greasy guy do body shots off of her body.

Opening Weekend $$$: 34,740,933.90 Denmark Kroner

There ya go...I'm spent. Let me know what you think.

GUEST POST Laguna Beach is Horseshit

2004-10-28T22:17:00.000-04:00

This is a guest post by my friend Tyler.

Laguna Beach and Men in Black

Being a cinephile and having graduated with a degree in television production, I can unequivocally say that Laguna Beach is as much a reality show as Hitler was an even-tempered and misunderstood autocrat. A more deplorable reality TV sham has not been propagated unto the public since Studio 7 awarded Dr. Reginald “Craig” Phillips a king’s ransom for recalling the author of the Harry Potter series. Reality indeed.

First though, let us concern ourselves with the offending program. Billed as “the REAL O.C.” MTV has gathered a platoon of blemish free nitwits in the Laguna Beach region of California and filmed their trials and social tribulations under the guise of a reality-show, but heed the words of your humble narrator, it is anything but. By dissecting the visual and stylistic choices of the show alone, we can discover that there is little that is unplanned, or unscripted in Laguna Beach, and that these complacent tyros march not to their own, but to the sound of a single, unified drum; that of Creator/Producer Liz Gateley. How can this be proven, quite simply in fact, but not without a cursory examination of cinematography and one of its most famous and recognizable proponents, Barry Sonnenfeld.

Sonnenfeld was born and raised in New York City. He graduated at New York University of Film School in 1978. After a brief exploit in hardcore cinema, Barry started working as director of photography, in the Oscar-nominated In Our Water (1982). Then Joel Coen and Ethan Coen called him to work on Blood Simple (1984). With Blood Simple, Barry started his collaboration with the Coen Bros., who used him for their next two films, Raising Arizona (1987) and Miller's Crossing (1990). He went on to direct such films as Men in Black, its sequel, and Wild Wild West, which was not received well by the public. Whatever the opinion, it is Miller’s Crossing, and more so Sonnenfeld’s commentary on the film, that is most striking.

In commenting on his filming style, Sonnenfeld admits to using wide angled lenses in nearly all of the shots and set-ups he has orchestrated in all his films, save one. With these wide angled lenses everything on screen is brought into focus. He then literally moves or pushes the camera towards the subject of the shot, in essence forcing the audience to focus on whatever the camera is moved towards. As everything is in focus in this panoramic view, the audience must be shown in this way what is more important, or vital to the storytelling aspect of the film. He has said he enjoys this format, but for Miller’s Crossing, decided that he’d go a different route.

A period gangster piece set during prohibition, stars Gabriel Byrne among a cast of Coen regulars as a consigliore to the Irish Mob, stuck in a war with another Italian faction. Due to the setting of the film, the period and the locations, it was decided upon between Sonnenfeld and the Coen brothers, that long lenses would be used, to better frame and portray the story, creating a more distant and methodic tone. The use of long lenses leaves little space in the frame, makes characters more prominent and gives them strength, while adding a dramatic quality to the staging of said scene. The point, you may be wondering, lies within.

Perusing Laguna Beach you are struck by the notion that while this IS a reality show, it does not look like the reality shows that you, the status quo are accustomed to. The reason why, my comrades, is the use of long lenses and far away shots. Usually, the camera is right there, in the protaganists’ faces, moving around and trying to catch any whimsical occurrence or off color remark. Wide lenses are used to get as many of the characters in the frame, as possible, yet when you watch Laguna Beach, such is not the case. The camera is always far away, when they sit to eat, or talk, gossip etc, the camera is stationary, far away, and many cuts are made too and fro during conversation. It is this aspect that is most disturbing, and is ultimately the show’s undoing.

Applying the Socratic method, the following can be derived; how are they able to make the show have a more dramatic, sitcom feel? The use of cameras set up with long angle lenses. How are they able to set up such long angle shots? By carefully examining their settings and blocking their subjects? How do they do so? By dictating how and where the kids of Laguna Beach are going to be when they interact. Quite the conundrum.

To maintain the style and visual appearance of the show, the locations, settings and “subjects” of the show must be placed specifically and known to the cinematographer before hand. But if the cameraman and crew know what is going to happen and where, how can this show be reality at all? I contest it cannot. It is merely a motley crew of clueless adolescents whose very lives are being dictated to produce maximum dramatic effect.

For shame MTV, your network, in association with Ms. Gateley, have attempted in vain to bamboozle the viewing public. And thank you Mr. Sonnenfeld. Thank you for “the new hotness”, your enormous metal tarantula, and an artistic integrity without which this farce could not have been exposed.

Happy Birthday to Joe

2004-10-28T21:24:00.000-04:00

A big happy birthday goes out to my best friend Joe. He's turning 24 years old today and I'm sure the city of Charleston, SC will be in for one hell of an entertaining ride tonight, or more likely, this whole weekend.

I first met Joe in 6th grade when he had a busted nose. Want to know how he got a busted nose? Someone dared him to do a back flip off a ladder and he attempted it. He smacked his face right against a rung on the ladder.

One day we are going to open "Goodguys' Tiki Bar & Grille" in Hawaii. Our motto is going to be "Yeah, you can sleepover", which happened to be my senior quote, and our slogan will be "If Saved By the Bell can go Hawaiian Style, so can we".

So Happy Birthday to Joe, have a good one buddy.

The Definitive Base System

2004-10-26T22:58:00.000-04:00

Since the beginning of time, the aforementioned Base System has been present in societies in order to describe the magnitude of hooking up. I have heard numerous renditions of the Base System, but there is only ONE definitive Base System. It is as follows:

First Base: Kissing of the French variety. A peck on the cheek from your grandma does NOT count as first base. This base usually is reached sometime during middle school during a game of spin the bottle, 7 minutes in heaven, or a general, awkard, slobbering session. Oh, and for anyone that thinks holding hands is first base, no dice, only if you are amish or in the clergy...Just teasing. Kind of.

Second Base: Up the shirt. PERIOD. There is nothing else that comprises second base. There is nothing having to do with going down the pants at all. People may make this argument: "But there is no equivalent for the guy, so there has to be something that represents the reciprocating intimacy". Ok, they don't word it like that, but that argument holds no water. The Base systems measures the magnitude of the situation's intimacy and the area that is involved. Hence, equating up the shirt for a girl to down the pants for a guy is not equivalent and thus, cannot be represented by the same base.

Third Base: Down the pants. Now here is where it gets tricky. Just down the pants is third base. Oral sex is not considered in the Base System, and here is why: it means very different things to everybody. Oral sex could be much more intimate than sex to some people and to others, much less. I know, I stopped being funny for a second. Ok, back to being funny. My other reasoning is, you start hearing about the base system in like fourth grade, thus, life is simple, and oral sex makes it complicated, hence, it's not on the Base System. If you have an opinion regarding oral sex, make a comment or IM me if you know my IM.

Home: Sex. Done and done. If there is one thing that could expunge world hunger, reverse trends of global terrorism, and be a catalyst for world peace, it is that EVERYONE agrees "Home" is sex.

Just a quick note, I made it so anyone can comment on these posts. You don't have to register anymore. Let me know what you think of the base system.

Amendment to this post, 10/28 - My friend Rick IM'd me this and even though I never used this, I am posting his IM regarding some aspects of the base system:

"since im up at 7am and I'm supposed to be getting ready for work and all, i was reading your blog post about the base system... now im not gonna claim this is right, but as far as "oral" anything was concerned, this is what I had always understood about the base system: "Sloppy" Bases. It really only works for 2nd and 3rd, but when you use your mouth "up the shirt" its "Sloppy Second" and so oral action "down there" is "Sloppy Third" Maybe this is an armpit of the East Coast thing... but it was part of my base system growing up. Again, doesnt make 100% percent sense since First Base is already sloppy, and a Sloppy Home, well i dont even know what that is."

"Wanna come over and watch a movie?"

2004-10-25T19:40:00.000-04:00

In lieu of my previous post regarding IM hook up lines, I will now elaborate on the #1 line: "Wanna come over and watch a movie". I will now, with no scientific reasoning, list the top 10 best and worst "Wanna come over and watch a movie" movies. I'm also going to choose movies that are more recent for the most part. And, since I'm not going to take the time to delve through every movie ever made, the list might not be that valid. Also, I threw in some SU references so you might not get everything.

Top 10:

10. Meet the Parents - Funny movie that shows that you aren't afraid to own a funny movie about marriage. It's also not too difficult to follow, so even if you have had a few too many adult beverages, you can still pick up the story pretty quickly.

9. Mean Girls - Two things about this movie... This is the last Lindsey Lohan movie where you will be able to get away with owning before you are deemed a pedophile AND it was written by Tina Fey who has carried Jimmy Fallon on her back for years on SNL and the movie is actually of pretty good quality.

8. Zoolander - Very funny and don't make me write it...ok, I will: "Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!"

7. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days - Better movie than what was expected. It is cute, goofs on guys and girls, and is not cerebral at all. And, it also shows that you aren't totally insensitive.

6. Legally Blond - I know what you are going to say - "Mike, you LOVE this movie, you just put this on the list because it's one of your favorite movies." Well guess what, it's my blog and I can do whatever the F I want. However, it is a good movie because it shows you aren't afraid to own a chick flick and also that you aren't afraid to own one of the best movies of the past century.

5. Cocktail - Oh shit, an 80s movie. Tom Cruise, Booze, Jamaica, and Elisabeth Shue (who is topless, but very tastefully done, shows some class). You know how those songs about Mexico make you want to party? Well, this movie wants to make you go to Jamaica or NYC and get drunk, and since you probably aren't going to be able to do that, hooking up in a single bed in Day Hall is a good enough substitute.

4. Boogie Nights - I know what you are saying, "No way a movie about porn would ever work". Well guess what, this is a classic film. Do you remember when Heather Graham was HUGE, it was becuase of Rollergirl. Any movie with characters playing characters that are named Brock Landers and Chest Rockwell is awesome. Also, even though it is a prosthetic, it shows you aren't intimidated by a penis. However, hopefully you will be making out by then while your roommate is hopefully sleeping, but you don't really care.

3. Pretty Woman - I know, big time chick flick. However, it is a very good movie. This is the plus, I would usually leave off a movie of this quality because it is so good, usually your partner would be enamored with the movie instead of you. However, every girl has seen this at least 50 times, so the nostalgia has probably worn off. However, those crazy Kamikaze shots that you guys did at the bar probably have not. So hopefully at some point during the movie you two will fumble along trying to please each other before passing out and waking very embarrassed that one of you is doing a walk of shame from BB to The Mount.

2. Any Cartoon (Shrek, Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc, Lion King, etc) - Cartoons show you are sensitive, confident in your manhood enough to own them, and you can pretend that you weren't embarrassed when you bought them at the store. Also, there is always some really cute, adorable character that is always a big plus.

1. Big Daddy - I'm not going to take total credit for this movie being #1, but I have friends who vouched for it. Has all the elements from top to bottom. It's not too long, good enough but not an epic, funny, cute little kid, funny dating humor, and everything works out in the end. It even makes fun of Hooters which is always a plus. This movie shows that you aren't a creepy guy, willing to find a movie that will make a girl laugh, and, even though you are clearly using a make out line, you are being respectful about it.

There is the top, like I said, I just threw it together...

Here is the bottom 10:

10. Exorcist - Ok, you put in the scariest movie ever made with graphic vomiting, head spinning, and a possessed girl masturbating with the cross...You think you are going to get any? Not unless you are into some real, real, real, real, kinky shit.

9, Daredevil - Would you make out with someone if they put in the worst movie of all time?

8. The Crying Game - Great movie and all, but the ol' switcheroo, you know what I mean? Not a catalyst for making out.

7. Showgirls - Oh, I'm sorry did I say Daredevil was the worst movie of all time, I really meant Showgirls. Throw in a naked Jesse Spano (I know her real name and I refuse to use it, I will go by her SBTB name), a rape scene, and pretty much every other social aspect of female repression and degredation and that is one hell of a mood you set there buddy.

6. Any SciFi Movie like Harry Potter, LOTR, Star Wars, etc.. - Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the Harry Potter movies, but Sci Fi dudes do not get the ladies. You might think they are cool, which, I'm sure in some universe they are, but no dice here on Earth.

5. Braveheart - A three hour epic where the leading man's true love gets her throat sliced and then he gets some ungodly shit done to him at the end -- where do I sign up?

4. American History X - Another great movie, but Neo-Nazis, brutal beatings, people getting sodomized, assaulted, and killed are not a recipe for romance.

3. The General's Daughter - Yikes. I hope you never went on a date with a girl to this movie.

2. The Passion of The Christ - I don't care whether you like this movie or not, it is NOT a good movie in this respect. I haven't seen an ass whooping like that since Menace II Society. Very graphic and very gruesome.

1. New York Minute - I'm sorry, did I say Showgirls was the worst movie of all time, New York Minute is the worst movie of all time. On top of that fact, you chose a movie which relies on the physical traits of two girls that became famous because of this line, "You got it dude". And they said that line to Uncle Jesse.

There ya go, you can comment all you want. I did no real research for this post.

GUEST POST The Tao of Tommy

2004-10-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

I will do this from time to time and have a guest column. This is the first post under The Tao of Tommy, which is written by my friend Tommy.

The Dynamic of the Group Theory

It seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I was traveling into the City from Jersey the other day and there it was - sitting on the other side of the train from me – screaming out like a belligerent holler monkey that stumbled upon Ken Caminiti’s stash. The _____ _____ Theory. This theory (I left it blank to protect the innocent, but also because the person that it was named after had a Teri Hatcher in Desperate Housewives like comeback and does not deserve the title anymore) was postulated in High School about 10 years ago (and yes, clearly I am getting old).

Since I working with blanks here, let’s have a contest and see who has the best name to fill in those two blanks – the best name will get to forever adorn this theory in infamy.

Here are the ground rules for this theory.

1) This theory applies to women only
2) This theory works best when there are at least 5 women in the group because a group of 4 can roll like gangbusters. The theory can exist with smaller numbers on occasion.
3) If there are 5 women in the group and you can’t figure out who the theory applies to, it is probably you.It can apply to anyone - no matter how good looking or cool you are - it all depends on the dynamic of the group.

The theory works like this:
Whenever there is a group of 5 or more women, there is one woman who is not as pretty or as cool as the others in the group, and tries to make up for the difference with personality, only to come off as annoying.

Notes:
- If the girl is used to being the theory girl, she may actually come off as being funny or real next to her friends (lots of practice always makes someone better). She may actually have a personality and be cool to hang out with, but in a way where she can hook you up with her friends.
- This theory is multiplied by like 200 when booze is involved.
- The theory girl is the one who will try to start conversation with guys at the bar on behalf of her friends, this is how you spot the theory girl – the one who is trying way too hard to be outgoing
- Her friends will all go home with a guy that night
- If theory girl goes home with a guy that night, it will be referred to by the guys as “taking one for the team” (who hasn’t had one of these?)
- Other girls in the group love the theory girl, if only for the fact she makes a good wingman and make them appear better looking then they actually may be.
- On the flip side, the theory girl thinks she is as good looking as her friends and this leads to annoyingness.
- Theory girl acts like she knows everyone and will repeatedly call people on her cell phone to validate her self worth. Again, this is annoying.
- Theory girl usually ends up getting trashed when she goes out. And she is usually and annoying drunk.

This theory is close to being a law, so I am looking to cement the name pretty soon. Send in your ideas and we will get you a credit on the theory.

You can't spell pimp without the "IM"

2004-10-24T23:16:00.000-04:00

*This post is a collaborative effort between the Sweet Loft Staff and Pete Freedman*

ok, since most of my humor comes from college life and I may have a few friends that rely very heavily on instant messenger to get with the ladies, I am going to do a top 10 list of IM hook up lines:

10. "I know its 2:30 in the morning, but I can't sleep, you wanna do something?"

9. "My roommate is hooking up with someone...AGAIN... Can I please stay at your place?"

8. "Hey, I just got back from the bars and I am not ready for the night to end, wanna keep boozin'?"

7. "It's almost the end of the semester and I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out before we left school"

6. "I haven't seen you in foreeeeeeeever."

5. "Have you seen my new room yet this year, come check it out"

4. "I'm bored"

3. "Wanna make out?"

2. "Wanna come over?"

1. "Wanna come over and watch a movie?"

Happy Birthday to Shaggy, Ichiro, and ME...

2004-10-22T15:50:00.000-04:00

It's my birthday, so I'm going to post some of the IMs I have gotten...

Herc1028: Hey buddy, happy birthday... Hope you're havin a good one.. I'll pour out some big bear for you tonight. Later bud

megs61284: isn't it about time u tried to forget about ur birthdays?? well anyway, enjoy mikey and maybe since ur so old now, u start going by a grown up name haha hope everything in nyc is good glad u got settled of sorts love the blog u have WAY too much time on ur hands esp w/ that real world review very well researched isn't it sad u remember all of them perfectly?? god u are old hope to talk to u soon

Stinqi: ...and it's Larry Dai's birthday, too. So happy birthday to the two of you. Don't you just wish you were up here getting drunk at Maggies with us? On second thought, don't answer that question.

ALLmfnDAY: Happy Birthday Grandpa. I put you on the list for a hip replacement, and Medicare should cover it. Make sure that Social Security check goes towards liquids, and foods that are easy on your teeth, like applesauce and soup. And I know......"In your day you'd never let some chinaman get bear your gullet with them eatin-sticks, let ALONE a needle", but they're the best doctors, give him a chance. Also the Cold War is over, so my friend from school who you thought was a communist isn't trying to steal your war bonds. Take your pills, and Happy Bday Gramps!

Tboue13: happy bday
Tboue13: my world has been a mess since the american dream was destroyed
Tboue13: or when the yankees lost

Sexy Udo 99: *tap tap* ahem, is this Mic on! Happy Birthday Mikey. As you know, I only sing to myself because well I deserve the best life has to offer. But today, for the first, it is not about ME. So I wrote a special song just for you. And it goes something like this: happy birthday to...me..ikey. happy birthdayyyyyy Miiiiikeyyyyyy!! Happy birthday dear MIkey. haPPPYY birthDAY toooo youuuu! thank you.

Cook3B: Happy Birthday old man

Nate Pieprzyk: hey, it's 6:30 pm, and I just woke up. Happy Birthday

RunninLiz02: Hey Mikey, I hope you are having a great birthday and that people buy you lots and lots of tequila shots!!!

I have some others on another computer, so if you IM'd me and it isn't up, that is the reason.

The Lee-Moscardini Crunchy Peanut Butter Theory

2004-10-21T18:57:00.000-04:00

For those of you who have read the previous post, you might remember me mentioning the Lee-Moscardini Crunchy Peanut Butter Theory aka LMCPB. I will explain to you what it is...

One day during our sophomore year, Becky and I were hanging in Haven Hall overlooking the scenic Theta Chi Fraternity House, when Becky, like usual, began talking about sex. Well, more or less, this is the conversation that took place:

Becky: "So, have you ever had sex without a condom?"
Me: "Yes"
Becky: "So...Um....Yeah....Um....It...Kinda....Feels..."
Me: "Yeah, a million times better than sex with a condom, I know."
Becky: "Yeah, oh my God. It is ridic way better."
Me: "Honestly, it shouldn't even be in the same category."
Becky: "It's like, well, you've obviously had regular peanut butter?"
Me: "Yes"
Becky: "Well, regular peanut butter is really good and it does the job."
Me: "Yeah, PBJs are one of my favorites."
Becky: "BUT...crunchy peanut butter is absolutely the best"
Me: "Agreed."
Becky: "Sex without a condom is like having crunchy peanut butter, it is way, way, way better than the alternative."
Me: "You realize that for the rest of our lives we are going to refer to sex without a condom as crunchy peanut butter and it will only be funny to me and you?"
Becky: "Yes"
Me: "So, now what do we talk about -- remember when you liked me those two days in 4th grade?"
Becky: "Shut the fuck up, you loved it."

So there ya have it, crunchy peanut butter is WAY better than regular peanut butter.

Becky asks and she receives...

2004-10-19T18:18:00.000-04:00

Here is what my friend Becky IM'd to me today:

rannlee02: i want to be in your blog
rannlee02: it's bullshit that i'm not already

Ok, well I am going to mention Becky by doing the timeline of our history, Sweet Loft Style.

2nd Grade: I come into town and immediately begin to dominate all Harry L. Johnson kids in "word problems" and "spelling". This is where I first meet Becky. I soon realize that Becky is the alpha girl in the 2nd grade class and even though most boys don't know it, they get "funny feelings" when they are playing tag with her. I however, remain steadfast and confident. However, this is the beginning of our relationship.

3rd Grade: Mrs. Macarak is the sweetest teacher a kid could ask for. For some reason when asked for the preference of what I would like to be called, I utter "Mikey", and it stuck for the year. This is where the ever-rising triad of Rick, Brad, and Mike begins. Becky's clique begins to grow, with her best friend being Mindy Glanville. I subsequently date Mindy Glanville in third grade. I kissed her on the cheek outside the classroom door.

4th Grade: Becky is in Mrs. Griffin's class and I switch out of that class to be in Mrs. Patch's class. BAD BAD MOVE. Anywho, my best friend Brad dates Becky Lee this year for some period of time. However, controversially, Becky, at some point during the school year likes me for a period of two days. Now, Becky's style of letting you know she likes you is by chasing you around the playground with her group of friends. By this time, my love affair with Mindy had dwindled and I was a free man. All that came out of getting chased around the playground: a scraped knee when I fell trying to avoid the posse of 10 year old girls chasing me.

Also of note this year: NKOTB were HUGE and Becky was a HUGE fan. I believe she liked Joey. And, the O-Team Talent Show where Brad, Rick, and I danced to Ghostbusters II Rap by Bobby Brown. I shit you not Brad still has the tape. Becky dances to "Forever Your Girl" by Paula Abdul with Alison Church. They use glitter and for a brief second Alison's shirt goes above her head. None of us can run for political office after this experience.

Middle School (grades 5-7): Let's just put it this way, there are three teams: 7-1, 7-2, and 6-7 (don't ask). Each team had awards when you got to 7th grade. Becky had 7-1 "Best Looking Girl" on lock from day 1. Also during this time period, Joe and I were put in a class for "special" people to put it mildly. I'm not going to elaborate on this, just let your imagination run wild.

JCHS (grades 8-12): I could go wild about high school. Here is what happens in every high school: younger girls go out with older guys. So, staying to the rule, Becky dates older guys for the most part, however, she ends on a high note dating my best friend Joe our senior year. So, you can mark it down, Becky has now dated both of my best friends. I end up dating younger women, you get the point. However, we both finished second in homecoming. I really shouldn't care about his. I know it's superficial. I know it has no benefit. But I really wanted to win. And Becky may have also wanted to win. However, we find out we are both going to attend Syracuse University.

SU: Becky lives in Lawrinson because she is a dork and I live on The Mount because I am awesome. Becky tells her dad I helped her carry her books one day, which I didn't, and I now can never live it down. During our tenure at Syracuse, we realize we have known each other since the dawn of man, and it is inevitable that her family will someday adopt me. Our greatest theory comes in the form of the Lee-Moscardini Crunchy Peanut Butter Theory. I will go into this theory in another post, it deserves a post unto itself. During this time, I also eat the Jimmy Burger, which also is a post for another time. I'm telling you, stick with my blog and you will see the light.

NYC: Now we are both in NYC. We both love making fun of people, drinking beers, watching sports, and bragging about Johnson City.

That is my timeline with Becky up until now. Wow, that was long. I'm spent. Just remember, crunchy peanut butter theory. Jimmy Burger. NKOTB. Harry L Johnson. Good times.

The Sweet Loft Mmmbop Theory...

2004-10-19T17:19:00.000-04:00

I have certain theories that are pretty much concocted in my mind under different states of sobriety, however, I have one that has been tested true over and over again. So much so, that I feel that the world may be in a giant state of denial and everyone needs to drop the act and just be honest with each other...

Hence, I will divulge some insight into my world. I like the song "Mmmbop" by Hanson. I know, you are probably wondering who the hell is this guy and why in God's name would he like "Mmmbop". Now, my theory doesn't state that everyone likes "Mmmbop", rather that if you are in a car, by yourself, and the song comes on, you DO NOT turn it off.

You have to remember two things: one, is that the song isn't really on the radio anymore, so if you catch it, consider it your luck day. And two, this theory is coming from a guy who went and saw New York Minute in the theatres with two friends who will be saved embarrassment as I only use their first name and last initial: Doug S. and Tommy A.

Only in NYC...

2004-10-17T16:51:00.000-04:00

Let me start be stating that Dena Martini's birthday party was funtastic. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say good times had by all.

Now onto the interesting experience I had today. Myself and two buddies were eating at a sports bar/restaurant today and watching football. There is an older, Asian man with some kind of documents in front of him. The bar manager then comes over and starts arguing with the man and tells him to go in the back room and wait for him.

Now, a little note, the back room is down a hallway from the main area of the restaurant, however, there are mirrors along the hallway and there is no door so it is not enclosed from the main area.

The bar manager walks to the back room where the Asian man is, fists clenched, and starts throwing punches. So, there are these two men fighting in the back of this bar for a decent amount of time. Then the fight gets stopped after some time and the two men apparently are taken away from each other. However, about ten minutes later, there are shouts coming from the back room again and again the two men get into a fight. And again, the fight lasts a few minutes.

And, outside of the few guys that went back to stop the fight, everyone else working at the bar has been continuing to work as though nothing is going on.

I know this story isn't that funny, but I felt I should share it with those who weren't lucky enough to experience it first hand. I'll try to write a post-dena birthday party write up either today or tomorrow.

Quick piece of advice...

2004-10-16T11:41:00.000-04:00

DO NOT drop your phone in a rum and coke. And then, DO NOT try to play it off as if you don't know what the reasoning as to why your phone is ruined at the Verizon Store. Apparently, there are these little strips that turn red (or some color depending on the phone) when the phone gets moist or wet. And, then try to keep a straight face when the technician helping you says that the phone "must have been immersed pretty well in some liquid for the strip to not only change color but begin to peel off".

Not good times. Thank the almighty insurance companies for a low deductible and pleasant customer service.

Luckily for me I still have my old phone and I will be getting my new phone FedEx'd to me Monday or Tuesday.

And, if you know my IM, IM me an idea as to what to do with the phone that got soaked in rum and coke. It's never going to work again, so it's pretty much a paper weight right now.

A little tid bit about the author of Sweet Loft...

2004-10-15T19:23:00.000-04:00

My name is Michael Moscardini and I have definitely Googled myself. I'm a self-proclaimed pop culture guru who loves the steak and cheese and Power Hour. I can't take credit for the name Sweet Loft - that has to go to my amigo Nate, but with his blessing I am divulging it to the Internet-using free world.

Some info for y'all:

Name: Michael Charles Moscardini

Nickname (Thanks to Walsh): Mikey...Can you believe it, Walsh calls me Mikey sophomore year and the fucking name stuck. Seriously, I like being called Mikey. It's great.

Identity/Background: 50% Italian, 50% Jewish, 100% Nicest Guy in 7th Grade

Fav Quote when drunk: "My best friend Joe...[insert one of my million stories]"

Fav Quote when drunk 10 minutes later: "My best friend Joe..Oh, I just told you that one?"

Height: 6' in the AM before the old gravity gets to me.

If your mom is Jewish, then you are Jewish, right?: No.

NO, but seriously, that's the way it is in Judaism: Seriously, I'm unaffliliated with any religion.

Where was I born: Cooperstown, NY and I know what you're thinking - how lucky am I to be born right near The Farmer's Museum.

Where did I grow up: Johnson City, NY

Favorite TV Shows that are still on TV: The OC, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal, Real World Philly, Daily Show.

Favorite TV Shows that are no longer on but I may have the theme song downloaded to my cell phone: Saved By The Bell, A-Team, 90210, Perfect Strangers

Things I like: Steak and Cheese from Jim's, Gatorade in the morning after a hangover, Mr. Bubble, jokes about aggrevation land, and when Blue calles me 'Superstar' or 'Supe' in front of Betsy

That's all for right now...I'll try to keep this updated pretty frequently.

As Devin would say, "Bater".

Ranking the Real Worlds...

2004-10-14T16:29:00.000-04:00

(Note: This was something I wrote and had previously posted on a friend's website...but since I can't think of a damn thing to do for the first post of The Sweet Loft Blog I thought it might be something solid to nibble on...)

Without further ado...

15. London: No question worst cast, worst place, worst everything. Only cool guy was Neil and someone bit his tongue when he was singing. Remember that stupid American racing kid that was on? Real bad.

14. San Diego: Big time annoying people on this show. Frankie was scared of Boats and cut herself and was "too punk rock for this house".

13. Chicago: Remember this one? Neither does anyone else. Oh, I got something, crazy ass black girl who walked around nude all the time and was a lesbian. There ya go, now it's starting to come back.

12. Paris: Wasted Ace's potench, CT was an annoying Boston kid, and that blonde hair girl was a poor man's Amaya.

11. Philly: Eh, the other 4 were so bad, that after two shows of Philly, philly still is more entertaining.

10. Miami: They need to go back and put a Vegas-type cast here. Also, the short guy with the RIDIC TALL girlfriend was just way to creepy.

9. Vegas: MTV scrapped all personality and went with physical traits. Also, trischelle now does The Surreal Life. And, where was Brynn after episode three? And, wasn't Steve married or something?

8. New Orleans: David singing his ridiculous Doo Wop song standing next to a pimped out car that wasn't his. Mormon girl and her family were creepy. Really no first ballot hall of famers on this one.

7. Back to NY: Miz and Coral. Done and done. The greatest reality TV odd couple of all time. And, The Miz is a force to be reckon with on all future real word/RR challenges.

6. Seattle: Only real drawback was the two guys knew each other before the show started. The best part wasn't the slap but the black dude throwing the stuffed puppy into the water.

5. Boston: Two dudes decide to screw everyone else and go out and party every night and bring home girls and piss off the rest of the house. VERY ENTERTAINING.

4. Hawaii: Should be in the top three but they couldn't get a strong starting 7. Teck $ might be the best single character of all time. Amaya was ridic annoying and Ruthie was very entertaining being the drunk/bi/twin girl in the group. Knock against weird gay dude from Harvard and Kia always talking about her aura.

3. NY: Best gay guy ever in Norm. Big props for pulling it off as the first show. Angry Black Man versus Southern White Girl. The creation of Eric Nies. Too bad Andre never hung out at the house. And, Heather B was a very very solid contributor.

2. SF: I know most people would have this #1 but my argument is that it handled the loss of a roommate not very well. Fact of the matter is Puck is the most well known RW person in history, whether you love him or hate him. Pedro is probably 1A. The finger in the peanut butter was monumental. Weird Republican Spanish girl falling in love with Puck, crazy. Big knock for girl that worked at Nordstrom, brought nothing to the table. Oh, and do not use the word "bitch" when you are around Mohammed Balou or whatever his last name was.

1. LA: Hands down. Reacted to roommates leaving with ease and integrated them into the show. Jon Brennan literally was the reason they eventually decided to stop putting TVs in the houses. I mean, think of this cast from top to bottom:

Aaron: UCLA hunky dude who is a republican and hangs with none other than...

Dominic: Drunk Irish dude who writes music reviews for a magazine. Are you serious? Do you remember the show where he was rolling around on the beach after falling down because he was so drunk?

Beth (Original Cast Member): Maybe the weakest out of the cast, nothing really crazy except for the episode where she may or may not have had sex in the closet.

David: Come on...The Tami incident was HUGE. Do you remember this quote: "You know its yours, pick it up". You should. Wasn't on the show for long but made a huge impact during the time he was there and forever change the way people got kicked off.

Irene: The mother to the show, especially Jon Brennan. Short in stature but could throw her weight around with anybody. This is what a lot of shows were missing, this mother figure, but I digress. Also, her wedding made Jon very emotional.

Glen: When David gets kicked out in comes Glen. Not an equal trade, but you know what Glen brings, all of Perch. That's right. He does what anyone else would do, bring in his band/drinking buddies and lets them crash all over the place.

Beth (Lesbian Beth): Comes in after Irene leaves and wears shirts that say "I'm not gay, but my girlfriend is". No hall of fame status or anything close, but a solid contributor.

Tami: What can we say. The david incident, "It wasn't NOT funny", the abortion, marrying Kenny Anderson (granted it was after the show), getting her mouth wired shut to lose weight. Come on, so ridiculous. Also, do you remember her band? Destiny's Child on Crack or whatever it was called.

JON BRENNAN: Pisses Dominic and Tami off immediately after meeting them. Wears a Hulk Hogan Tank Top with cowboy boots to the beach. Does not get off the couch. Drinks enough Kool Aid the Jonestown Cult would be jealous. Is a SOLID country singer. Is the single reason why they started to choose people with jobs in the next season (SF). Is the single reason that TVs were eventually outlawed as I mentioned before. This from his bio at the time: "...proud to admit he's a virgin and has never had a drop of alcohol".

There you go, LA is #1. Some things to ponder:
-No way anyone from this cast would possibly make it today outside of Aaron and that is a long shot.
-They had a vastly wider range of ages than they do today for the most part.
-Just a totally different atmostphere of RW from today, plus LA was maybe the best sequel in the history of hollywood.
-Do you remember that music showcase thing they did? Very odd.

sweetloft

iTunes at Work

RIP OC

RIP FHM

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New Pop Culture Term - Bar Snuggling

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